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Edited: Oct 26

Do not accept men multidating

Going on dates with men who either keep scrolling the apps behind your back OR deliberately tell you in your face that they want to go on other dates while you have kissed them or slept with them already... nah sis. Why allow a guy to blatantly act like there's better out there? Like you are a placeholder? If he doesn't see how amazing you are after a first date he's wasting your time.

25 answers0 replies

Comments (25)

FlameThrower

Oct 28

Yes, FDS recommends to multi date as a woman and to not put up with it from a man because, surprise, women are different from men.

We are the choosers. When a man is interested in you, the innate nature of them is to put their best foot forward for any woman he is actually serious about. Could you imagine a HVM risking losing the woman he really wants because he is screwing around with other women? I can't... because they don't do that when they are serious about someone.

Women shouldn't do this because men will put up a mask for a long time. Once the guy has wasted your time and you gave him immediate exclusivity, you put all your eggs in one basket for absolutely nothing and unfortunately, this will be the case with most men, most of the time. So it makes no sense for us and is a waste of our own time.

Once there is any intimacy, yes the scrotation should stop, but I wouldn't give any guy intimacy for months while I vetted him. This means, I go on as many dates as I want while I decide who is the man who is putting in the most effort and treating me the best.

There are so many reasons why this is the best strategy for women, but here are just a few:

You didn't allow anyone at all to actually waste your time because you kept your options open.
Men who are HVM understand that you as a HVW will have choices and options. Healthy competitiveness between males is normal. If he gets turned off by the fact that you have options, then he is NVM and can't compete. The weak ones will weed themselves out this way.
Men like to chase and well-rounded men understand the realities of seeking a HVW.
This makes you less available and less likely to fall head over heels for someone so immediately, too. You won't get so emotionally involved (safer for you in the long run) and it will help to keep your head cool about who these men actually are.

The only downside I've experienced in a smaller town while I had a scrotation, was gossip. People thought I was crazy or a "whore" for going out to eat with one guy one week and a different one the next. I wasn't intimate with any of them, so I let them wonder, but I know my values and none of these guys were getting any action. But just beware, in a smaller community, people will talk. You have to really decide in yourself that you don't care about what they say about you.

Unknown member

Oct 28

Woman can multidate. Men cannot.

We, as women, do not date multidaters.

Block and delete any man who has met you in person (even if only once) and talks about dating other women.

erythrura

Oct 27

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I think there is a cultural difference here between the US (where dating multiple people at the same time until you have the "let's be exclusive"-talk is pretty normal) and other places (where exclusivity is expected and assumed as soon as you go on a one-on-one-date until you both decide it's not going to work out).

I'm from Germany and here you absolutely assume exclusivity as soon as you go on a "real" date with someone or pass a certain level of intimacy (kissing). It would be widely considered an absolute no-go to go on dates (or make out) with different people at the same time. I wouldn't do it and would not entertain that behaviour from anyone. I think you're from Europe, too, Ansa?

I believe it's because we don't really go on dates with almost strangers here and get a lot of the "getting to know each other" and "basic compatibility" stuff out of the way before we go on a date with someone (during meetings in group settings, texting, phone calls etc.), so when the dating stage is reached it's already kind of serious.

Edited

Ansa

Oct 27

Replying to

I am Dutch so we are the same culturally. Everything you say is exactly how I do it.

Edited

moldavite

Oct 27

Whoever would put up with this has no business dating with such a low self-esteem.

Ansa

Oct 27

Replying to

Sadly many women have been trying to tell me that I am delusional for expecting monogamy early on.

ennui sao

Oct 26

I mean, doesn’t the handbook recommend multidating? And withholding sex for at least a few months in? No matter who it is, things shouldn’t immediately get serious after the first date.

But yeah being dishonest is a quality that you can vet before you make things more serious

Ansa

Oct 26

Replying to

Multidating is morally wrong. It puts people in auditioning energy and makes it easy to ignore red flags and boundaries because all you then do is think "I hope they like me enough". Focussing on one person makes it so that you get to know them much more in-depth.

You should vet strictly before, during, and after matching and stop engaging as soon as a man shows red flags.

I also find kissing very intimate, so a man who kisses several women feels insincere to me. Like how do you not catch feelings after making out?

Edited

Ansa

Oct 26

Replying to

Also, not dating others is not a relationship. It is respectfully focussing on getting to know a person and vetting them until after several dates you are in a relationship.

Edited

thinktwiceorelse

Oct 27

Replying to

Yes, the handbook does recommend it. Not sure why are you being downvoted.

Not Today

Oct 27

Be so for real. After one date? This is delusional and a great way to get lied to. You shouldn't sleep with them anyway until a period of close observation and exclusivity. And if they tell you that to your face they don't like you anyway.

Not Today

Oct 29

Replying to

I hear you. It's just that most people would exhaust their whole dating pool if they only stuck to people they knew well... doesn't have to be a complete stranger, can be a friend's friend, their coworker or their distant relative etc but you still don't know each other really. Or it could be someone you've seem before in a place you frequent, or just someone who came up to you and seemed chill. I think it's fine to meet up as long as the person seemed nice to talk to wherever you met and you like where you're going on the date. I don't do dating apps either, too forced for me.

Ansa

Oct 29

Replying to

I date online, but the first date imho is the videocall. Then, we vet for several days/weeks before we meet.

Edited

Not Today

Oct 30

Replying to

Besides the cultural expectations of the seriousness of dating vs boyfriend/girlfriend status vs marriage it's not that different.

Since I prefer to meet men in person I can see how tall they actually are and what they look like up close, how they smell, their basic social skills, if they have a ring on, if they seem sleazy, and depending on where we meet: usually their interests, income and job status so you could call that "basic stuff out of the way" and harder to fake than someone just talking through a phone. Then they can also slip up in the communication between meeting and the date planned, so it's definitely more than 3 words exchanged. Extra points if you "know of them" or see them around you will usually learn their relationship status and if they date around a lot before even engaging.

Like I know this one friend of a friend who is an absolute 10/10 tall hot viking with great charisma and fun to talk to, but I already know he goes on a lot of dates and makes out with girls at parties. I'm even aware he's had a serious mental health episode and a possible insurance fraud lol. But I still wouldn't say I know him truly as a person. So do you really know the people you think you know if you get surprised by this multidating behaviour? Just saying.

Edit: now I've seen some of your other posts and you are all over the place. If you are meeting these guys on apps you ARE in fact deluded that you know them or they know you as you seem to even have been catfished several times. Then you also talk about them sleeping with other people while dating you yet say sex only happens after a commitment which would make that literal cheating. I think you need to read or re-read the handbook.

Edited

hamburgerfries

Oct 27

By multidating do you mean when someone is dating more than one person at a time? (Not during the same date)

Ansa

Oct 27

Replying to

This.

Cat-Eyed_Dancer

Oct 27

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Replying to

Just to clarify, FDS is fine with multi-dating, but not multi-intimacy.

Ansa

Oct 27

Replying to

I have no issue with men going on chatty coffee dates but as soon as we kiss you're dropping all others, scrote

Do not accept men multidating

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