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I recently met a set of siblings. (young adults)
The sister was super pick-me toxic.
Her brothers were somewhat attractive, and gave off potentially high value vibes (though I don't know them, just first potential impression only), and seemed 'well adjusted" (whatever that means. They seemed grounded, healthy confidence level etc)
I actually didn't know that these people were siblings at first and was kind of surprised they were. They (female vs males) gave off different energy.
Upon learning they are family, I thought - well this is a MAJOR red flag. why? For a few reasons. The first thing is that it made me think - If she is like that and they are not, it screams to me that its possible in that family dynamic the boys are elevated while the girl was given scraps.
She really was in bad bad bad toxic pick me and lack energy.
It also suggests to me that they are OK with her behaviour and enable and think pick-me is normal and women should be in servitude and less than etc... and therefore would expect that from women in general.
I know these may seem like a lot of assumptions, but it's a MASSIVE red flag for me., and makes me not want to get to know/interact with those guys (its a group situation with other s etc), because its such a red flag...
Of course there's the chance that she's 'just like that' and it's not a reflection of the family male attitude dynamic -but really, i doubt that!!
What are your thoughts on this analysis/hunch? and have you witnessed similar dynamics among siblings that suggest similar and were in fact true?
It could mean they’re a religious family, and her pick-me vibe is coming from internalized misogyny. Which would mean the brothers are misogynist, too.
Good question tho’!
TW: SA
I do know a family where the boy is worshipped by his mom and the girl is tolerated. The girl is also very shy and has mental health issues. I actually suspect her brother may have molested her (I don’t have proof, it’s just a gut feeling), because the mom said one time that he and his friends used to break into her bedroom growing up.
I hope this isn’t what happened to your sibling acquaintances, but it’s so much more common than we realize. Some data suggests 10% of children are SA’d by a family member. 😭
It’s hard to say, because there are so many influences outside of the family dynamic that affect people.
I grew up in an environment where my mother was the breadwinner, and my dad was a stay-at-home dad. Bless his heart he fed us pizza and Taco Bell and the house was always a mess.
I grew up with the idea that men mean well but are simply incapable and need to be treated with deference, kindness, and constant forgiveness because, awww, isn’t his incompetence somewhat endearing?
My sister did not have this mentality at all. From the get-go she pretty much despised men, and went from femcel to “grey-asexual” to “gray non-binary” to…I don’t even know nowadays.
I went more from “I should support a well-meaning man like my mother did” to “Well I don’t really want a career, maybe I should be a submissive tradwife” and eventually to FDS.
When I was in my peak pick-me state, I never talked to my family about it, so I can say they never enabled me. In fact they would have been completely against it. Perhaps I was in fact rebelling against the dynamic I grew up in.
Your observation is interesting though and I think it is a component of other influences as well.