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I fell for a fuckboy on OLD. We had so much chemistry I slept with him right away. I ignored so many red flags and everything I’ve learned from FDS. I feel so stupid now, down in the gutter. It’s rare for me to find a guy I’m actually attracted to. He ticked so many boxes for me. I keep going back and forth between feeling the ick for him about all the red flags I ignored, and convincing myself I’m not good enough for him and that’s why he doesn’t like me.
From the very beginning, he messaged me on OLD at like 11:30 at night and asked to hang out (stargazing). I found it off putting 🚩but he was so hot.
The next day I decided to text him first 🚩and he suggested we go out that night and get drinks 🚩 and he even had this attitude almost like he just expected that we would go out without me even confirming 🚩 I was ovulating and so horny I thought it might be nice to scratch an itch.
I was not expecting to fall so hard so fast.
I kept my guard up with him all night (emotionally) I guess I was having a moment of low self-esteem because I felt like he was too good-looking for me (objectively untrue). But I was having so much fun with him, I was really blown away and I thought maybe I stumbled onto something real? We made plans to meet again before the date was even over.
That night I fell into bed with him. He was really freaking good in bed. But he did kink stuff without asking 🚩but it was exactly the kink stuff I like. But the worst part is he did anal without asking, and I don’t like that, ever. How did I let it slide? Otherwise the sex was so fucking good.
He came inside me twice. No condoms, no birth control. I told him I needed to take a Plan B and he didn’t offer to pay for it 🚩 or even drive me to the pharmacy 🚩 but just said, “I do not want to get baby trapped.” 🚩
The next morning I still had my guard up. I was waiting for him to indicate he wanted me to leave. But he was so sweet and affectionate. He initiated affection and we had the loveliest, easiest conversation. He complimented me multiple times. I finally let my guard down. It feels like a dream now because I do not know what happened to that man.
After I left his place, the mood shifted. He basically ghosted me. He never texted me to ask if I got home OK or how the Plan B made me feel. I texted him a few days later and he acted like he forgot we even had plans. Then he said he’d get back to me and never did. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
A week later I was drunk and weak and sexted him. Even the sexting was hotter than most real sex I have. But as soon as he came, he ghosted me again. And this time for real, he left me on read last time I tried to talk to him.
Now I’m worried the Plan B didn’t work and I’m pregnant. I texted him that and he still left me on read. And I STILL flip back and forth between feeling embarrassed and icked out about him, and thinking he was some kind of catch and I’m the loser.
What is wrong with me?
"What is wrong with me?" It's called female sexual frustration, a brutal problem of almost every woman in existence that no one speaks about. Most men are so ugly/unkempt/unattractive that we rarely feel attraction to one on a visceral level. We are supposed to be attracted to 'personality'. On the other hand, we're expected to put our appearance first, judged/overlooked/ridiculed for every tiny imperfection/etc.
The truth is that most women have never had one man in their romantic/sex life they've been truly attracted to, including their husband/father of their children - they just settled for someone good enough. So when we finally feel that visceral level of attraction with someone, many of us will go for it without thinking, that's all.
Yes, it's low-value behavior, but the reason for it is the lifelong sexual frustration which is the lot of the majority of women. This is something no one speaks about publicly - unlike the male loneliness 'epidemic' which is widely discussed. Should be called male ugliness epidemic.
So I'd say don't be too harsh on yourself, the only real mistake you made is not using a condom, other than that... to be honest, probably this will be the best (only really good) sexual experience in your life.
I'm in my 40s and believe me it's really like that, it's almost impossible to find true attraction as a young woman, and it's even worse later, that's the harsh reality. I don't even blame the fuckboys, the average man looks so hideous, that the few exceptions will never be forced to act in a responsible way, as they'll find another woman in about two seconds, it's really just a supply-demand problem.
I hope you're not pregnant (plan b usually works if you take it in time) and yeah, of course, level up and try to find an HVM, but the truth is that most women will never find it thanks to the huge discrepancies between the two sexes.