This is what happens when I stop going on FDS

It's confusing because women can provide real, deep friendship; but, men have no problem risking your precious companionship for meaningless sex. My mother had a 'friend' of 30 years make a series of passes at her knowing she had a partner. She had been a kind and supportive friend through 3 of his marriages. No one who loves and values you treats you poorly. Don't let sunken cost fallacy fuck you over. Block this moron. You are the prize. You are the queen. Let this fool go be with the other fools.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Many of us have made this same kind of mistake with male friends. Now you'll be more careful in the future. Stay strong and keep the jerk "friend" blocked.

A similar dynamic happened to me, while I was having an adverse reaction to some meds. I was basically temporarily disabled, this man came to "rescue" me (unrequested!!) and then proceeded to pull out the same shit you're describing and much more. Granted, there is no way I would have let this happen if I wasn't drugged. But it took me a while to process the lenghts this scrote could go for an ounce of immediate gratification. He too tried to manipulate me into staying friends with him, saying we are "family" and stuff.. yes because family use each other for sex and future fake when you have a health crisis. The audacity. Thankfully the effect of the meds was over by then, so with a clear mind I told him off. I also felt a lot of shame for giving him access to my body, because I know better, but I was very vulnerable then and the truth is he took advantage of me.

Despite what some other FDSer in this comment section think, life is not a competition about who can apply FDS better, and FDS is not a religion that entails punishment for failure from a committee of superior internet strangers who don't make mistakes anymore (especially considering that FDS is an island and simply not enough to fully deprogram ourselves when our irl communities in our real lives, which means in REAL LIFE, are still reinforcing behaviors we want to avoid). Fds is simply a set of values that can serve you as a map in your journey. Personal circumnstances vary widely, and moments of vulnerability can set us back.

So I think that the most you can get out of this setback, is asking yourself this question: how were you vulnerable when this predator threw you off balance? Next time you'll be vulnerable in that way, you will know what to pay attention to in order to stay on track. Besides that, keep in mind, it is much easier to evaluate ruthlessly a man you just met than men who have been in your life for years or decades. So be EXTRA careful with those.

At least you're aware that he is in fact jerking you around to amuse himself. That's a step in the right direction. When men I liked did this to me, I found that it helped me to imagine them ugly, 200 lbs heavier, dumb, poor, dirty, boring, and with no redeeming qualities. Would you let a guy like that jerk you around? Surely not. Well, that's ultimately who this guy is underneath the exterior. Maybe this tactic can help you too.

He’s a predator, sis. Circumventing your block is stalking behavior.

You’re a mother of such a young child, which is an inherently vulnerable position. So you need to take better care of yourself to be able to care for your son. This dude isn’t good for your child either, causing you all this upset.

This predator didn’t “wake up and decide” this recently. Rather he groomed you for 6 years - including watching you become a single mother to a preschooler - to get you to this point.

Look up “repetition compulsion” to understand why you asked him out 8 hours ago despite you on some level knowing he’s very bad news.

Hugs to you.

This is why I don’t have male friends. There are men I am friendly with but only at arms length through my spouse. Theoretically men and women can be friends - usually it is the woman who understands boundaries and what it means to be platonic but men will always see the women in their lives as potential sex dispensers. Men are the reason why men and women can’t be friends.

Directly after my breakup one of my male "friends" strangely started wanting to hang out with me more often. Right after listening to me talk about how hurt and confused I still was about it, he told me I shouldn't feel bad because it wasn't even a real relationship, and decided that was the best time to ask if I wanted to try dating him. And then told me it was my turn to pay next time, lol. Needless to say we haven't spoken in like 4 months.

Not as bad as your situation obviously (sending virtual hugs), but it just goes to show that most men are opportunists and they don't really care about us as people or our feelings, just what they can get out of us. And they don't care if they're throwing away a friendship with a foundation of years - I knew my "friend" for 6 years as well - they only care about their dicks. You trusted him because of your friendship and he in turn abused that trust and used you. I don't think you should feel ashamed, you should feel angry that he manipulated you like that.

Don’t be too hard on yourself! It happens to the best of us.

If anything this “friend“ should feel ashamed. You didn’t do anything wrong, except for maybe not following your instincts. But we’re not perfect!

All you can do is learn from this and not look back. Keep this guy blocked!

I know exactly how you feel because I went through the same thing and got played by a "friend"! He withdrew after sex, I called him out on it, he tried to gaslight me and I blocked him right there. I still feel gross when I think about him.

I hate that we would’ve brainwashed into thinking that if a male friend decides he wants to go out with you, that it’s an adorable love story and a guaranteed happy ending.

You are not to blame for this - when he made the first moves, I guarantee you any of your friends would’ve said things like, “well he must be in to you” or “maybe he’s loved you for years” etc…

He sounds like a predator :///

Take care and stay safe

 it soon turned into sexting, and then him rejecting me (even though he's the one who initiated everything), and then me blocking him for three weeks, and then him circumventing my block and me accepting him back into my life as a friend

I was a clown before who did this too because I really saw men as friends.

They never see you as one. Ask any guy, they always see you as possibility.

We're all learning and growing. When I first joined FDS, I thought it was extreme but their only agenda is to protect women. We're so incredibly brainwashed by society to be accommodating, empathic and compassionate. Because of this, we project our own morals and empathy onto men who are socialised very differently. So some of us have to go through these experiences in order to realise FDS was right all along. Please don't feel bad or ashamed. This man pretended to be a decent human being for 6 years. I don't blame you for trusting him and considering him a friend. That's a really long £ucking time to pretend . Men are absolutely vile, horrific and calculating creatures. I've been in a similar situation and I want to tell you that he absolutely KNEW what he was doing. They will hover around so called "female friends" because the agebda is some sort of sexual exploitation. They will wait, whether it's a year, 6 years or 20 years. Straight men are NOT our friends. The mask slips at some point. We project our goodness and kindness onto men. They are not capable of deep and meaningful friendships like women are. Not even with each other, because they have created a patriarchal structure where they can't even emotionally support or confide in other men, infact they are so miserable in this patriarchy they've created, that some of them unaliving themselves even though they don't have it as hard as women. At the end of the day most men are shallow miserable demons in the flesh. I'm so disgusted that this scrote faked 6 years of friendship. That's extra hurtful because we generally have the knowledge that romantic relationships tend to be transitional and temporary but genuine friendships are supposed to be forever. Keep him blocked please. You will be alright ❤️

With all due respect, I don't know if you ever went on FDS enough. Frankly, it's a mindset. Your benefit. When it's kill or be killed with regards to men, remember its fucking war and you kill.

Just like. Don't let people think you actually went on FDS a lot when your actions say you let this guy sucker you into love. So you never truly adopted the mindset. And for women are actually looking for like-minded strong women, all you've done is make yourself look weak.

Ugh. Consider it a vestige of the very last ounce of sympathy I have for posts like yours that I am posting at all. I want writing this to piss me off so much that I fucking delete the app for good.

You already knew the red flags in regards to his manipulation and you ran headlong into it anyways. And then you come to FDS looking for encouragement. There are about 2500 posts in dating and relationships. Did you not think to read any of them? People have given so much advice on situations like this. His behavior is TEXTBOOK scrote and yet you're acting like you just have no one to ask, no where to go, to know what to do, when he was acting all manipulative MONTHS ago.

I'm not even a little sorry if this comes across as pitiless or vitriolic. The quality of this site is way down. At this point I just read the old Reddit posts to remember that Queen energy whenever I want it.

If there are typos it's because I've already spent too much time on this, a whopping six minutes. Also, I won't check for upvotes or downvotes, or comments, but either way, thank you and you're welcome.

I was working on my executive functioning for a long time before FDS. I have to admit that I only learned a few things from the handbooks --though crucially important things, especially in regards in what to expect from men financially and emotionally--but honey, going or not going to FDS isn't your problem.

Your mindsets, your ability to see your adult self as just the present little child that still needs loving parents and guardians around her to protect her from assholes like this--that's what you really need. It's not a handbook, but a way of life. Change your mind, change your life. It's really true.