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Hello ladies I have some dilemmas about pick me women, especially one in particular that I’m in a friendship with.
I already know she is an aggressive pick me. One dilemma is she can also be a very loving, caring friend, and I live way out in the country with few opportunities to have a friendship.
The demographics: I’m 54. She’s 65. I happen to be black. She happens to be white. We are both divorced.
This woman has said things like, "I’d rather be with a man I have to support them to be alone". She will commit to a man who has never taken her out on one date, and literally go buy all of the wedding rings HERSELF. Of course they use and discard her. It's stomach churning. I have made attempts to talk to her about FDS, she dismisses it with intense hostility. OK, so that’s her life. It becomes a dilemma when she aggressively tries to discourage me from almost any vetting of men dating me . She goes off.. She screams like a madwoman, "You're too picky!!"or "Good men are so rare!!" that I’m going to "sabotage the relationship!!".
She is absolutely shocked at the basic things that men do for me and the places they take me.
I've looked into Meet Up and Bumble BFF, but all the women are all over an hour away, because I’m so far out in the country. Right now I can’t afford to move.
The questions:
What is your policy on pick me friends? I’ve heard everything from they're a benign annoyance, to they can be very dangerous.
TBH, I just wondered if this friend is so male-identified in her thinking that even though she loves me, if I went out with a man she liked (aka almost anyone with a penis), and he did something horrible to me she would either blame me for it, or help him bury my body.
I think the pragmatic answer here is to set strong boundaries and keep your distance. I would not call this woman a friend. If you live in a rural area and it is a basic need to have human socialization and someone to help in emergencies, she can do that. But obviously you even being able to joke about her possibly burying your body means you realize she is not actually a friend in any real sense.
Women who would throw other women under the bus for men even in subtle things are walking red flags.
You hit the nail on the head at the end. She is an enabler of male depravity for back pats. My 70yr old also white pickme friend is like this. Her second husband molested her son, so she sent her son away, ALONE, and stayed with the pedophile for another TEN YEARS. There was crack addiction involved, but she quite literally chose dick over her child. Her son went on to rape other children and continued molesting children as an adult. She blames the girls he molested saying they lied, but she knows the truth. Her son has been in prison for a long time.
I don't know what to tell you other than to leave once she crosses a line or unleashes male depravity in your direction.
My pickme and I almost never began a friendship, because when I first gave her my number and visited her home(she owns nothing of course) she tried to pimp me out to her disgusting ex husband who lives with her. She could tell I was disgusted, and she knew I was cutting her off. So she apologized and begged me for forgiveness. She has literally never had female friends her entire life because of her pickmeism. I forgave her and we were friends for years.
I had to cut her off recently because she is asking me for too much. Asking me for money has devolved into her asking for more, being a choosing beggar. Its abusive. Shes asking for more on behalf of her able bodied ex husband scrote. I've had enough, and her ex scrote can get a fucking job.
A huge part of her pickmeism is Christianity and getting to heaven. But nowhere in the bible does it say you should sacrifice your children to satanic pedophiles. 🙄 Its dick addiction. She is way past the age of even enjoying sex, so its just pure CoolGirlism and male back pats. I feel so bad for her but she refuses to save herself, and is dragging me down just like a drug addict.
My ex best friend, a Russian girl, is a HUGE pick me. To the point that she started competing with me over men, and that's where I draw the line. I'm not fighting over some man. I'm not paying for dick. I'm not lowering my standards even one millimeter. If you want to stay friends were her, don't talk about men. But it's probably better that you leave her to her fate which is to be picked clean by vulture hobosexuals.
If I were in your situation, I would stay friends but set very strict boundaries over topics related to men.
Gossip about men -happy to listen, nothing to share from own end.
Date recommendations - oh thank you so much, but I've been so busy in *insert hobby * recently, I doubt I can manage time for a date. Or dodge the topic.
And so on.
You sound very much at peace with your life otherwise, where you seem to be dealing with things as well as you can.
In case this air of peace around you makes your friend lose her calm and forget all the kindness she has in her generally towards you, then you can always pull away and end the friendship as a last resort.
Personally, I feel it is possible to stay friends with pickmes by keeping them at distance or filtering whatever you share with them, unless it affects your safety/security. We can never match 100% with anyone anyway.
Hope you are able to make more friends soon though :)
If I was in your place I would stay friends with her but just turn the subject whenever she tries to talk about men.
Centre the friendship around anything other than men. Do things together that you both enjoy, talk about anything but men. This will be a tacit way of encouraging her to level up. Because you’re making her make her life about other things than men and chasing men.
If people aren't contributing to your life, then by definition they're a hindrance.
They are dangerous. Might not seem that way at first but go have a look at what Karla Homolka did. I would avoid pickmes and sever all ties. Nothing good can come of such a friendship.