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I had posted about this guy a bunch on FDS (https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/dating-relationships/what-would-fds-say-about-a-guy-changing-his-tune) : how he was flakey, but I still wanted to give him a chance. How he only suggested dating when he realized I wouldn't have casual sex with him. How his ex called him "baby." How he gaslit me when I would bring up my feelings. How he was sexually pressuring.
I ignored all of the advice and kept dating him. I justified it by mentally leaning into what I thought were 'HV' actions: he always paid for dinner and nice dates. He never yelled or got angry. He would say things about wanting a committed, healthy relationship.
A year later, the mask completely slipped. He began getting lazy about making plans to visit. He stopped planning nice dates. He became incredibly cold when I would work up the nerve to talk about my feelings. He would sleep all day when he would visit and become irritated when I was hesistant toward sex. He would get upset if I didn't stay in touch while away on a weekend trip, but had no problem not contacting me for a week if he had a "busy work week." Then, a week before my birthday, as many on FDS told me would happen, he abruptly dumped me. He said he doesn't love me. He's hoovered a bit through texts apologizing for "not communicating/being a better partner." He texted a bunch about how hard work is and how his mother is in the hospital. Meanwhile, the break-up has ruined me. I had never been as in love with someone as I was with him and so, I'm basically having massive withdrawal symptoms. When we last spoke, we agreed to be "healthy" in communicating with each other. On Tuesay, he texted asking how I was doing and I finally did it-- I finally deleted and blocked him on everything. I never answered the text asking how I'm doing. I've just had enough pain. I've enough obvious confirmation of what others said was happening. I'm never deviating from FDS principles again. And will probably be celibate for a good, long time. But, I'm never lowering the bar, even a little, again, even if I'm completely and totally in love. This pain is not worth it.
BRAVA!! I am very, very proud of you. I know that wasn't easy.
I know how painful that abrupt cessation can feel, even when you 100 percent KNOW that hanging on is bad for you and that the whole relationship was toxic. The withdrawal lasts as long as it lasts, and you can't scold yourself out of it. Be patient and kind with yourself. Be your own best friend. And come here whenever you need, or DM one of us.
Be proud of yourself. This is not easy but you did it. You chose yourself first and the next time you will do it even better. Listen to the FDS podcast about breakups! It really helps.
You got this Queen. He ain’t wort your time or energy.
I am so sorry for what this man did to you and what it has cost you. The pain is terrible. I wish you healing. I know it's going to be hard, but you will get to the other side of this. You deserve someone who loves and cherishes you. He couldn't give you that. He was not worthy of you.
Good job! This is such a big step. And trust me, it gets easier. My first time blocking a toxic man who I deeply loved, I felt like I’d never get over it, I felt like the pain would never end, felt like I’d never find anyone ever again. It’s years later now, I haven’t thought about him until just now as I use him as an example. Blocking and deleting becomes so quick and easy once you do it a couple times.
WOW. Mind blow, this is word for word everything I'm going through and feeling right now as well!! Hugs and love to you..you are NOT alone!
Thank you all for the kind words. It is extremely painful but he is still deleted and blocked and it is permanently staying that way!