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Lately, I’ve been thinking of using OLD apps again, but just for August. So, I got nothing planned for next month since all my friends are doing stuff with their SOs or they’re just not available.
I have been off the apps since 2021, and some of my girl friends are telling me to reconsider since they found their long term bfs on the app. The reason I left was due to a string of back to back horrible dates with the last guy getting drunk and letting out a gigantic burp in which I had the displeasure of catching a whiff of (left him at the bar piss drunk with the waiter) 🤮. He got himself drunk after realizing that I wouldn’t hook up with him on the first date at a bar!
Anyways, this time around, I have zero expectations. I plan use to delete the app regardless of whether I get anywhere with the men. I’m only interested in going on dates, having more dating experience, and having fun. It’s sort of like a roster without the sex, and hook ups. I imagine myself not getting anywhere with these guys past the first date with all the parameters I’ve set. This is totally an unserious thing.
In September, I’ll be starting a new job so I have all this time to kill. With work, everything is winding down, and I’m going through the process where I’m training other people how to handle my responsibilities before I leave. I’ll admit, I’m a little lonely. I haven’t been on a date since February. It such a perfect time to date with it being the perfect weather for road trips and day trips.
I imagined my summer to be filled with patio dining, and eating ice cream with friends, but I’m getting none of that this year lol It’s been bittersweet with juggling work, running errands for my elderly parents, and reconsidering friendships.
FDS, I need you to bring me back to reality. Is this a good idea? Will I be strong and delete the app by the end of August? Is this even realistic?
Also, is this normal? I go on periods where work gets too stressful and i disappear for a few months until it’s chill again. Usually during this time, my friends and family understand that work comes first and they usually let me be until the time passes. I tend to put myself in and out of the dating pool, so my presence is inconsistent. I feel like I should put in more effort and make time for dating, but I don’t want to neglect my career: there’s a certain goal I want to reach, and maybe afterwards, I could focus more of my time on dating?
FDS, please tell me I’m making the wrong decision, and that I am better off doing other things.
Instead of focusing on dates, I think you should look for new friends.
I’m not against OLD. I think it can be a tool for women who are busy and/or introverted. However, OLD with an FDS mindset is not fun or entertaining. It is ruthless, focused, and discerning.
When I was on Hinge, I went on an average of 1 (one!) date per month. The app was teeming with LVM. The few that didn’t reveal themselves to be LV through messaging quickly showed their true colors on a single disappointing, uncomfortable date.
However, within six months of this, I eventually met the man who is now my fiancé. (That was all after over a full year of celibacy and dedicated leveling up.)
During my six months of OLD, I didn’t kiss a man, definitely didn’t sleep with anyone, didn’t even flirt on dates because my mindset was to ruthlessly detect and dismiss LVM. Every man I dated thought I was an intimidating ice queen. (Which I am with men, and proud of it.)
If being on OLD for one month means going on a ton of dates, having “fun,” and wasting time, then you are simply not even trying to follow FDS. That’s okay, but then why are you asking us here?
I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with wanting to go look for a guy on a dating app. But your attitude is all wrong. If you're looking to do it for 'fun' and are 'unserious' about it, why bother? It won't be fun - you already know this. Don't treat dating like a hobby. If you have lots of spare time, don't waste it on an activity you have already decided will be fruitless ('unserious'). Instead, spend your precious time on level-ing up activities, like learning another language, or getting fit, or enjoying nature or art, or volunteering if that's your thing.
I did the same thing. I downloaded hinge for the first time after ditching bumble for a long time.
I felt guilty and ridiculous doing this but I was right again….. I met a “decent” guy who asked me out a date and THE day before the date he simply blocked me from everything!
No… every time I got back to the apps I get more and more traumatized….
Don’t do it. Everytime I redownload these apps I’m met with disappointment. Sure there might be a needle in a haystack man once in a while, but 99% of them are trash.
I gave Hinge another chance a few weeks ago. Tinder and Bumble were both horrible experiences and I lasted in Hinge maybe few days, so I thought that hey, why not, I'm on holiday now, I've got soooo much time and tbh I'm a bit bored.
I lasted a week this time. Hinge is probably the worst of all because you can't just secretly swipe someone rght and then get a surprise match, but you have to send a very specific like to the guy and choose the part of their profile that you're liking, and that like will go straight to their DMs for them to see. I felt like a huge pick-me. It was awful. The guys I liked never liked me back, and I only got likes from guys that I swiped left almost instantly. I work in adult education and one of my former students liked me and sent me a message and it was gross beyond words, I still cringe when I think about it. 🤢
I also have friends who have found their significant others via dating apps, but... good for them I guess?? I think of them as exceptions. I've only had bad experiences and I'm SO done. I also thought that I could do this lightly and have "a little fun", but I can't and it wasn't. Not getting matches or likes from decent guys was also harming my self esteem, so I had to quit. I have ADHD so those apps are way too addictive to me anyway, so that's one of the reasons I need to stay away from them. Besides, I think most guys in apps are cheating or looking for pen pals.
If I were you I'd rather find a new hobby for August or rekindle an old one, or even better, invest in and deepen your relationships with your female friends. But if you're like me - a bit stubborn, curious, independent with a DIY mentality - then go ahead and give the app(s) a try. Some things you gotta learn the hard way I suppose.
No
Actually I read this thinking it would be a good way to practice FDS and rejecting men, so that it gets easier to shake of the people pleaser attitude. As long as you can keep yourself safe.
I’m actually in the same boat as you, OP. I live overseas and will have a full month off due to summer vacations so I’ve been thinking of hopping back on language exchange apps, not dating apps bcs they have proven fruitless, just to fill out my time with dates plus practicing the language as a bonus.
I know many other uses will probably tell you to focus your time on other things (like building your skills, cultivating your hobbies, looking for new friends lol), etc. But I feel that going out on a couple dates just for one moths is not a bad thing. You’ll get to practice your social skills and exercise your boundaries so why not? 🤷🏻♀️. Have fun this summer! ☺️.
I think your attitude of not taking it seriously is also good (because, let’s be honest, 99% of men on dating apps are not taking it seriously as well) and it might go well lest you get too attached. I also wouldn’t worry about disappearing for periods for time to focus on your career bcs scrotes do the same thing. I hope you have a fun and fruitful summer~ 🤗