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Rejected a guy too slowly and feeling weird about it.

Met a guy on online dating. He seemed good on paper: cute, nice smile, nice body, employed, creative, close to my age.

He invited me to bring some of my art over and we could compare notes, then cuddle and make out. I said "I'm sick, maybe later" and said maybe instead of just bringing art over we could put on music and work on art together. I felt working on art together was something that would require effort instead of just empty compliments in order to get me to be physical. I kind of realized a day later that I wasn't really interested? I was flattered, he did seem like an okay person, and it had been a while since someone who was not repulsive showed interest. But if he was really that okay then maybe he would have offered to buy me dinner or something instead of just a modified Netflix and chill. I felt like wow, he just thinks I'm hook-up material, not girlfriend material. That's not flattering at all. I wish I would have thought more about it when he'd initially asked, I felt disappointed in myself, and I don't want to have the reputation of someone who just goes over to guys' houses whenever. Anyway I spoke to him today and told him that I wasn't interested anymore. He was respectful and didn't press me on it. But I'm still disappointed in myself for almost falling for it. I'm too old for hook-up culture and I should know better than to find that sort of thing flattering.

16 answers0 replies

Comments (16)

Unknown member

Feb 24

I don't know what part of "be ruthless" women don't understand.

"He invited me to bring some of my art over and we could compare notes, then cuddle and make out."

That right there. You finger should have pressed the block and delete buttons in nanoseconds.

You know what I did when a man messaged me "hey beautiful" the other day?

My fingers pressed block and delete in nanoseconds.

Nanoseconds is what it should take.

Get it through your head.

Edited

Unknown member

Feb 24

Replying to

This.

Literally OLD is the same repeatedly. I’d be more surprised if a guy sent regular personal messages and then asked and went through with a proper date, without showing any laziness or red flags in other forms.

Unknown member

Feb 25

Replying to

You're not wrong. I'd been having issues with my self-confidence and this guy probably picked up on it somehow. I'm still learning. Am headed back to therapy and staying out of the dating pool for a while longer for my safety.

Unknown member

Feb 25

Replying to

Unknown member

Feb 24

This is written by ChatGPT, an 11 year old, or someone pretending to be a woman who uses OLD. If you're "too old for hook-up culture" than you're too old to be "surprised" at anything you find OLD.

Unknown member

Feb 25

Replying to

Thank you for calling "her" out.

Willfully ignorant posts should always be called out.

Unknown member

Feb 25

Replying to

And your comment was probably written by a man, considering the way you so easily discount a woman's lived experience.

Unknown member

Feb 25

I’m sorry OP that you wanted to just share a recent experience and your feelings and what you have learned from it…. And there’s commenters here getting mad at it. OP is obviously trying to implement FDS into her dating life and obviously she is new and may not do it “as fast” as other women who are years in the game of FDS knowledge. And others at belittling her post. Thank you for sharing OP. It will get easier to recognize and spot and it will get quicker to block and delete, the more you read the handbook and study the FDS principles. Also, i am noticing in your post that you are recognizing your self worth and being clear on what you want in your own life. Great job Queen keep studying FDS

Unknown member

Feb 25

Replying to

Thank you. I'm a woman, not a bot or an eleven-year-old. I made a few dumb decisions, but that doesn't mean I'm lying. I just got out of an abusive relationship and hopped on a dating app way too soon. That was my mistake. I'm going back to therapy; it's clear I need to work on a few things before I put myself out there.

Unknown member

Feb 27

Replying to

The same thing happened to me. I got out of an abusive relationship with a narcisst in 2022 and shortly after that, some guy in a chat room messaged me (a chat room because the relationship with the narc had destroyed me to the point where I wasn't even able to interact with the real world). After an abusive relationship, you're highly vulnerable, you don't even know who you are anymore - it will get better, but it is a process that cannot be sped up or skipped easily, so the condescending comments here are out of line.

Either way, at first this guy in the chat seemed soooo polite and like a gentleman and shortly afterwards, red flags were popping up. And of course, they became worse over time, but it still took me a year to let go of him. Compared to who I was before, that is a sucess - and I still made overall progress during the time with him: he wanted to talk on the phone, meet me - when I was a pick-me, I would have gone along with those requests, but this time I declined all of that because my gut told me that it wouldn't end well anyway.

It is a very good idea to go back to therapy - I've been in therapy for more than 2 years now, and I too have realized that it was way too early to put myself out there. I know that I will really have overcome my inner wounds and all of that when I manage to actually block & delete at the 1st red flag. Because even with that chat room dude (who was much healthier and more stable than the narcissist - and in that regard, it actually was a progress) - I was still stuck in my old patterns and ultimately stayed far too long because I had tried and hoped for months to get back to the initial stage where he seemed so nice.

So be proud that you managed to see the red flags before anything actually happened with that guy - that IS a success. We should rather support each other here than tearing someone down for not being at the same point.

Edited

Unknown member

Feb 29

Replying to

Right. Sure, we should be ruthless when dealing with men but can't we have at least a little empathy for our ladies here?

Unknown member

Feb 24

Don't be disappointed in yourself. The most important part is that you realized it after all, so be proud of yourself. It's a process and each time you cycle through it, you will be ready to let go faster. ❤️

Unknown member

Feb 25

Replying to

Thank you, I appreciate it.

Tris Canna

Feb 24

Bullet dodged! Good job for realizing that he's not worth it before it was too late. Some things take practice to get used to, next time you'll be able to notice sooner 😉

SmolTermite

Mar 17

Won't feel bad for doing it slowly or not, it seems like he was about to waste your time and possible even pump and dump.

Rejected a guy too slowly and feeling weird about it.

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