I developed a crush. At first it wasn't much, though over the months we had some moments that I perceived as potential interest on his part, which contributed to that romantic projection. I am glad I found FDS and followed the advice of not acting on it, although I wish I was able to do the internal work of forgetting about it. I was doing well and went through some qualities that were not ideal and have had multiple friends tell me that I deserve better and shouldn't bother even entertaining the idea of him, including my male best friend who looked me in the eye and told me that I deserve to have higher standards. I think the crush developed due to proximity, that stupid little piece of my brain that still craves the validation, and also because he ticks off a few boxes that tbh, in the long run, aren't really that important especially if he's also ticking off some shitty boxes that are on the list of qualities I should be avoiding.
I am kind of just finally "coming to" and realizing that at the end of the day I don't even know if he likes me back in the same way. As well as the fact that even if he might enjoy my company, he might enjoy other womens more - a realization that has been extra triggering to this 'rejected' feeling I struggle with. I really never was the one who got chosen by boys, even though I would wish so badly I could be going on dates, sharing kisses and hugs, etc. like my peers. I keep having this nagging feeling of "Why not me? Again?" come back to me. I've been wondering what's wrong with me, and like I can't do anything right, and suddenly have had this feeling of being super concerned about what he and other men think of me coming back.
I know that relationships and men aren't going to fulfill me. I know male validation is cheap, disposible, fleeting, and transactional; I've been on the receiving end of that a few times in my adult life. I also know that since it was a crush, it's just the limerence and romantic projection that is what I'm truly frustrated about.
I think I just need to hear some real talk from someone, like a verbal slap in the face. My best friend suggested I go out on some OLD dates just to at least remember that there's always men out there (and not necessarily to go looking for my next serious relationship) but idk. I also know that therapy to work through some of these underlying issues would be helpful, but I suppose making that leap sounds scary to me.
Idk, either way, I mostly just needed to vent. Worse things have happened to me than a man not 'picking me', and I've dealt with real heartbreak before, so I know I'll get over it.
Go to YouTube and search "EFT Get Over Him." Then do the tapping as many times as you need to in order to feel free. Then search "Hypnosis Get Over Him." Then fall asleep listening to one of the plethora of Hypnosis videos you find there. Repeat until you're sane.