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"Empathy without boundaries is self destruction."- Silvy Khoucasian
I've tried helping many men off their feet when I was younger. As a person who went through a lot of traumas and addictions, I empathized with men who are addicts, drug dealers, etc. But I let them push my boundaries many times and ended up discarded and sexually assaulted.
My heart was a lot softer when I was a kid and I ended up trauma bonding with a shit ton of people out of my intention of helping others. I even developed new addictions, get drugged and sexually assaulted by pedophiles. Unfortunately, I did not learn my lesson until I was 18.
I had this guy whom I "dated", he kept refusing to take me out or be committed to me but my dumbass still tried soooo harrdddd to be the best so I could be his "gf" one day. Pickmeisha me was CRINGE. He's an alcoholic, I was by his side in and out of rehab. He has NEVER been there for me through my PTSD and addiction. I finally, officially left one day. I felt sooooo liberated and my best friends were there for me through it. They hated him for what he did. However, whenever I leave or reject a dude, they would stalk me. It has been a year and he still harassed me. My block list is LONG.
Lesson learned, NEVER let people push your boundaries no matter how bad you feel for them. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO BE A FUCKING THERAPIST AND OFFER FREE EMOTIONAL LABOR FOR A MAN. Don't associate yourself with addicts! Don't be a damn pick me! Some of us have a lot of empathy toward others and men often take advantage of soft hearted women. Take care of your fucking traumas before you tried "helping" ANYONE!!!
Additional note:
I'm mad at my younger self a lot but thinking about how I was just an innocent kid kinda help me be kinder to myself and learned things from my past. Don't be too mad at your pick me eras, instead reflect and learn from it so that we could all forgive ourselves and become HVWs.❤️❤️❤️
You were just a child. It's aweful what happened to you.. 18 is very young to learn a lesson. You are truly remarkable. Also, I wouldn't say you were a pick me at all. As a minor, you were a victim. Glad you came stronger on the other side ❤️
I was abused as a kid, so when I'd encounter troubled men, I'd approach them using the Golden Rule. How would I want to be treated in that circumstance? How would I feel if I were in his shoes? All of this would lead me to act in a way that signaled to the men and boys thar I could be used. A woman's nurturing heart is for her children and family--NOT for a LVM. Men know women are mostly good hearted, and they use our nurturing nature against us. It takes a lot of women many years, and some never, to wake up and see our male counterparts as the predators that they are. They are all opportunistic and will punish you for being overly nurturing towards them. It's not your fault, and it's a hard lesson to learn. My female relatives tried to warn me about men, but I thought "not all men are like that. They can't be." Well, at 47 years of age, if there are ones who aren't like that, I've never met them.
"The best way to help yourself is by helping others" NOTTTT
I've never heard any well meaning, decent, genuine guy say this. But I've always heard it out of garbage scrotes' mouths. Generally, coupled with some crap from their fav religious book/source. Even women only say it when they are working for some NGO. Even then, it has been uncommon.
If they stalk you, that’s a reflection on the scariness of their character, nothing else.
Such an important lesson! I'm sorry these things happened to you. Thank you so much for your wisdom, Queen❤️
This made me feel good ! I was the biggest pick me of the universe and Thinking about me wasting my early 20s with men who used and abused me coz of my kindness and willingness to help I think it stemped from me wanting validation even though it was ruining me mentally and physically . But iam trying to forgive myself coz nobody told me how bad men are ! It’s like as soon as their brain starts functioning they are taught to use and manipulate us women . We had no idea what lengths they can go to destroy us . Iam 28 now and still cry for my pick me self don’t know how she survived with all that abuse
I really needed this. Thank you. I relate so much. It took me a long time to develop my empathy skills since I come from such a terrible family but then I went complete overload in the empathy department at my own detriment. I'm glad you're prioritising yourself. All the best to you!!