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I mean, you would think that I would break up with my first ex when he traveled cross country for a week to visit his woman friend, they shared the same hotel room! BUT NO. I was waiting for him at his house when he arrived back from the airport. Or, when he physically trapped me in a room multiple times so I wouldn't leave his house. So much other shit happened. Red flag galore. I was 18-21 years old.
You would think that I would cut off all communication with my next boyfriend after I found out his ex was still texting him and we had a two hour FaceTime of me crying begging him to block her. He didn't see the issue. Or when he lied to me and blocked me on Instagram and said he deleted his account. Or when we originally met, he had his ex sleeping in his bed with him!!! A lot more shit happened with this guy too. Red flags were like a field of red roses. I was 23-25 years old.
Why am I so dumb though? Why am I such a clown? Why am I such a pick me? I know I have childhood trauma along with an absent father. But.....I am book smart. Why aren't I common sense smart? I wouldn't call another woman dumb for being manipulated by scrotes, but I feel I am dumb.
Does anyone else get flashbacks of times where they should have left, but didn't?
Girl I totally know how you feel, I have done the same :( please don’t blame yourself. We aren’t the ones who did something wrong. We did those things because we cared about the person we were with. There is nothing wrong with that. You are not dumb or a clown. We just need to learn to care about ourselves more.
You've been socialised this way. Not your fault. But your responsibility to change if you choose to.
Also, we often expect people will treat us accrding to our own moral code. It takes time to learn real life is not always like this, unfortunately.
Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t call yourself dumb. You didn’t know at the time. Everyone here I’m sure has had horrible experiences with men, many we gave chance after chance. Holding onto regret and guilt and anger with ourselves does nothing but further harm us. Learn from the past, don’t repeat any of the same mistakes and level up in your life. Treat yourself as you would your own daughter/sister/best friend/etc. whoever you love. Love yourself the same way. Keep following FDS and slowly but surely, you’ll be on your way ❤️
We don't magically grow up knowing the right things to do, we learn from experience. You just did what you felt like was right for you at the time. Better to at least know now than to be stuck in a dead end marriage later on in life.
Dating is like driving a car. Nobody magically knows how to drive a car on the first try. We all learn from experience.
i've decided to stop blaming myself and calling me dumb for giving a person the benefit of the doubt, or for trusting someone who, in theory, i was supposed to trust. they are the ones who betrayed my trust, they are the ones who harmed me, they are the ones who deserve to be insulted. not me. i advise you do the same. being kind hearted and believing in a person's capacity to be good shouldn't be 'dumb'. i made mistakes, i learned and i moved on. now i don't trust no one and that's not my fault.
So many... - the man who TOLD ME : "I'm no good you know" and I thought I could save him LOL - the man who was 50/50 even with rich parents but I "earned" more so, I split...took me 2 years (and getting physically/mentally ill) to realize that man was more about taking a cleaning lady than doing my chores (and splitting 50/50 - the man who prioritized the boys and then bought gifts... we all make freaking mistakes, really.... the common thing I see here is how to set boundaries with ourselves : what do I want? accept? cannot accept? - setting them and then, regardless of the man's situation (he's traumatized, he's blablabla) - get out if we do not feel respected and treated as Queens but this means most of the work is to be done ALONE with yourself in the mirror, in your everyday life: treating yourself how you want to be treated - creating the life you deserve the YT channel Manifestelle is great for that : https://www.youtube.com/@therealmanifestelle She's so smart and unapologetic, it feels good and reminds us that we are creation and therefore should protect ourselves and set our own goals and benefit from the system instead of getting mad, I just love her and I cannot thank enough FDS for all that you Do! Let's be strong, work on ourself, create the life we want and then, maybe, if someone fits, good, if not, we keep building OUR dream life <3 Much love on you Sisters!!!
Makes me angry that we have to go through so many extra hoops to analyze and understand their lack of empathy, when caring about someone is something that comes naturally to us.
If men had a heart like we do, there would not be women who need to even ask these kinds of questions. I've had so many sleepless nights because of men.
You're not dumb or a pick me. Men are, for the most part, predatory; and they prey on women who they can prey on. It's so important to be as hard as you can on them because of this. They have all the choices in the world of women to use; if a man is not going around and using women at his disposal then that is a good sign, and rare.
That alone is not easy to find; add to that- most men are not going to be what is desirable in looks. As well as having a job and car even. And then finding someone whose personality compliments yours is a very difficult person to find.
This doesn't mean to lower your standards. I am just saying, you were picking out of what is out there and they are not worth it for us to even pick. Leave them for women who have lower standards and find a way to like life without a man becuase they are almost guaranteed to make your life worse. This is what vetting is for! Pick the wrong man and he will drive you crazy, ruin your self esteem and your mental health, break your things and take all your hard earned money. All for his own ego to feel a little tiny bit better, but that's something any woman can do for him.
It doesn't have to be you. Feel bad for the ones who do that for those guys, because it is gross. Don't be one of the suckers who does that for a man, just so he can feel a little bit better that he has another one to add to his harem of women he laughs about being able to use anytime he wants.
Pick no man till then, and you get to keep everything you have worked so hard for. Maybe one day you pick a man and he improves your life, but most of them will only take and not give value to your life.