I had a brief relapse and stopped myself from going further

Sisters, over the past few weeks or so I had a crush on my boss.

He checked off every box that I had being that he was handsome, tall, and there was an appropriate age gap (3 years) between us. He had no ring on his hand. In addition, he was polite, and an active listener. He had a cute smile and laughed at my jokes a lot. In addition, he’d always offer to carry these heavy bank boxes from storage for me. He had his own place.

I was swooning hard. I had found out we went to same college at relatively the same time. It sweetened the deal.

Before I swooned too hard, I did stop myself and try to vilify him a bit and convinced myself that he’s not it, but it didn’t work. I told myself that he’s broke for riding his bike to work, some of his teeth were crooked, and he dresses like a grandpa going to a Wimbledon match.

I even got encouragement from my parents to get to know him. I got to know him through observation. It was a good “honey moon phase” where I was in “delululala land” imagining our future together. I thought that this guy was too good to be true, but it turns out that it was too good to be true! I thought that if I played my cards right, everything might just fall into place. Well… my house of cards fell a few days ago when he started asking our colleagues about maternity/paternity leave. Oof 😅 🤡

Listen, he doesn’t need to tell me about his personal life because we’re not that close, but that is a 🚩 in itself. My mother is delulu herself and wants me to get hitched asap and gaslights me that it’s probably for a friend and that he’s too young to have a baby. I’m too smart to fall for that. I truly don’t believe that men nonchalantly ask about these things unless they’re expecting and it’s best to stay away from this guy. For a while, I did wonder why he never asked me out, and thought that he was being professional, but it turns out that he has a baby on the way!!!

Now I’m just sad. I question myself why I feel sad even though nothing ever happened. I realized that it was because I let myself go into fantasy land. In a sense, the relationship had started before it begun. I fumbled hard.

What am I doing now? Well for starters, after that realization, I stopped myself from having romantics thoughts. I have begun the next steps which is to just distance myself from him and having very little conversations with him. Finally, I will be carrying my own bank boxes or atleast finding a trolley to wheel those boxes to my work space.

This totally has nothing to do with him, but prior to meeting him, I put in paperwork to get promoted, so I’ll be in a different department (so far, I got a salary increase from HR, so I think I’m gonna get promoted soon) and if it doesn’t work out, I’m in the process of interviewing with another company. All of this will be put behind me as I will see him less often.

My advice for anyone who’s having a crush on a workmate, is to not have one in general. In the event that it happens, don’t have projections because you will end up sad. I know it's easier said then done at this point, and in the event that you do, it’s best not to vilify this person because you don’t know enough about them, and it’s not fair because they have not done anything wrong; it’s you who’s the problem. Instead, put distance with yourself and them. I’ve been doing that for a week and it’s helping. I feel as though whatever I felt for him is slowly dissipating. And in a few months, I’ll be gone anyways and he’ll be nothing more than a good coworker.

Edit: please be really nice in the comment, because I’m still learning from my mistakes, and I’m having whiplash. I was too embarrassed to share this with FDS but later thought to use my own experiences others who are going through the similar experiences.