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I hate men but a part of me still seeks their validation. I feel like getting married is the pinnacle of my life. I feel myself preen and get flustered when Mr. Nobody McFee III talks to me in class or when I'm out. I feel trauma bonded and attached to a man who d@te r@ped me, taking my virginity, and then lost contact nine months ago. I don't want any man to touch me after my experiences with that scrote, but I still feel like I need a dude to be into me to be "living life." My perpetual quest for male validation is partly why I let myself fall into a trap where he took advantage of me to begin with.
Have any sisters been through something similar? How did y'all actually leave behind the crushes? I've spent so long trying to suffocate them but they buzz around my head like little flies.
Try to imagine what your crushes would look like in 10+ years if you married them.
I swear all the "hottest guys" that were in my high school ended up being greasy overweight slobs with receding hairlines by their mid-early twenties. Meanwhile I still get carded because I basically look the same as I did in high school (except more fit I'm an athlete now)
I remember having a major crush on this one guy. He was the most attractive guy in my school. He brutally rejected me and embarrassed me in front of everyone. He frequently insulted me and constantly reminded me that I was not good enough for him. I had so much mental stress because of that.
Later in life (his early twenties) he became an ugly greasy slob with a receding hairline. He constantly spammed my social media with messages asking me if I "remembered him" and said "We should catch up heres my number"
I'm so glad I never got into a relationship with him back in middle school. That guy was a total scrote.
I had several of my other ex male classmates do the same thing as well.
I only made it stop once I deleted most of my social media or made my pages unsearchable.
Try not to put them on a pedestal. I guarantee once you graduate those "hot" guys will be trying to reach out to you at some point too.