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I know that FDS rules say that crushes for women are of no use.
But I just feel so overwhelmed right now.
You can knock some sense into me, but at the same time I hope you guys understand where I'm coming from and can empathize a bit. This probably sounds like a pickme manifesto to you lol.
So I've started to join a club that's for young adults and they plan stuff together to do around our city, like going to museums, concerts, day trips etc.
I've started to make some new friends there, but I also recently met a guy who's my type lookswise and who I've started to like over the past couple of weeks. I've met him around a month ago. We have quite a few things in common in terms of values, education, interests, mentality and political views and he's also family oriented. He's a bit younger than me, I'm 27, he's about to turn 24 soon.
I was the first one he got to know, then he also got to know my female friend from that club who is 23 (let's call her Sarah).
We've started to get along well with each other and now also do stuff together as a trio outside of these club activities. I wasn't the one suggesting it, but my friend Sarah from the club suggested one time to go to some flee market together and invited him and me to join and ever since, he was also suggesting activities that we can do together as a trio.
So I'm not sure if this is just a pickme delusion from my end, but I can't help but get a little jealous when we're around as a trio because I sometimes feel like he's putting in more effort to include Sarah into conversations than with me.
He usually has long deep conversations with me about a certain topic when we're hanging out where Sarah is not participating because she's doing something else at that moment or just listening, but when it comes to lighthearted banter, I feel like he's talking to her slightly more than to me and is also a little more responsive to what she's saying.
It's not like he's not bantering with me at all, but for example when I point out something funny to him, he immediately also has to tell Sarah. It feels like he always wants to have her included as much as possible. Which is nice, because this is how it should be within a trio, so no one feels excluded. And this is why I feel shitty about even feeling a sting whenever this happens.
And even just typing that out I feel so bad because this isn't how I want to be.
The fact that I'm even dissecting and comparing his behavior towards her vs towards me!
I don't want to feel that way and just enjoy the time we have together. And if he ever ends up liking me as more than a friend, he can make a move, if he doesn't, he doesn't. I want to be unbothered again and not care as much what he thinks of me, but I feel like I've fallen into the crush trap again.
I should still vet him much more anyway before developing feelings, but I still have this part of me that's a hopeless romantic and even though I was trying to distract myself and fight off that crush in my head, I notice how I'm looking forward to seeing him and how it bothers me when he's talking to or laughing with my friend a lot.
He's also texting me every day, but that also doesn't mean anything as long as he doesn't ask me out. I know all of that in my head, but in my heart it's difficult to fight this feeling off.
Sarah from this club is super nice, so I don't want to feel jealous of her and project my complicated feelings onto her. And to be really honest, objectively speaking there's nothing to be jealous of or feel insecure about in this case. I clearly have no disadvantage in the looks department or anything, but I know that there's more to attraction than just looks.
How can I get out of pickme mode? I have a week off and I'm planning to just do some stuff on my own, maybe talk to a friend and also do something creative again to focus on myself and I keep telling myself that he's not worth it if he's not showing any clear interest in me. That I deserve better. But this feeling that I'm feeling right now really does suck.
I'm sorry if this was cringy to read, I didn't expect this to happen at all.
The thing is, I've never been in a relationship and my parents were always good to me, so it's not like I'm lacking love or have to cope with past trauma or anything. It's just that I rarely come across a guy who I'm attracted to, so if I meet one, I feel so disappointed when he turns out to not be interested in me romantically.
I'm comfortable on my own and enjoy my own company, but at the same time I still have this yearning for romance, companionship and physical intimacy and cuddling. What also doesn't help is that I've always been very sensitive and have a tendency of getting emotional when it comes to people I really like, no matter how much I try to grow thicker skin. I admit that I can be a little overly sensitive at times...
Maybe I was also a little "spoiled" (not materialistically) as a kid in the sense that I was the youngest with a bigger age gap between my siblings and they where already out of the house when I was a kid, so I got all the love and attention at home and was "mom's and dad's little princess" and never had to learn to share this attention with another child at home.
So maybe now my inner child is expecting the same amount of attention right in the beginning when I start to like someone and gets disappointed way too soon over small things that are not even that meaningful. Idk.
I just needed to vent, but your input is very much appreciated.
These feelings are probably a sign that I should let it go anyways.