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Hello, ladies!
So, if you follow me here on FDS, you know I've given up on men a few years ago and I don't really care about finding the one anymore. I'm happy solo and I want to remain so.
However, every once in a while, I'm cursed by intense sexual desire - and for the wrong men 🙄
After all, I'm still a fertile woman living in a world full of men, and some of them are quite attractive... At moments like this, it's hard to remain loyal to my values, such as no sex too soon, an no sex with LVM. I haven't had sex in a long time, thankfully. All my experiences were remarkably bad, so my sexual drive is low. But I ahven't even kissed anyone in a long time either, and I don't really know how to deal with the inebriating euphoria of mutual desire. It's so addictive and I need to be careful not to give in, especially considering I've never really had a genuinely good experience. So everytime I feel this, my brain goes "you know what? this could be your chance to finally have good sex and maybe even resolve some of your trauma."
The current context is: there are two guys at work who I really enjoy interacting with. They help me when I need, explain everything I need to know about the work, make themselves available to help me, are funny, etc. And I get the impression they are somewhat into me. I could be worng, though. Perhaps they are just helpful people. But I trust my gut and it's telling me they are interested. Also, men are usually very helpful to women they want to f***, so it tracks. And I've got to say, ladies... It's been hard for me because it's nice being desired, it's nice to fantasize and feel the feels. My body asks for it even though my mind knows I'll regret it.
Now you might be thinking "Girl, vet them and see if they are HV. Maybe even try doing some scrotation. Have fun, but stay safe." Thing is, one of them is married with children and the other one is 10 years younger (fully grown man, but that's still a big age gap). The married one sometimes says things like "hey, thanks for helping with xyz. I'll buy you a coffee as a thank you" kinda like joking, but still... My gut tells me it's some kind of unpretentious coffee date invitation (we've never followed up on those, though). The younger one is cute and has never made dubious invitations.
In december we'll have a gathering. It's supposed to be this "work party" and everyone will be there. Both guys asked me if I'm going. I'm scared I'll end up becoming actually interested in one of them (or both) and this could mean even more stress at work, more dissapointments in my personal life and potentially more trauma. So I wanted to make this confession to here and ask for advice.
How can I deal with this feeling? How do I fight it?
If you want to have a fling, look outside your social circle, because men like to go full preying mantis after giving bad sex nowadays (even hot guys).
Use a condom, don't disclose your real name to anyone.
If you're going to fantasize, try reading fanfiction to avoid creating one-sided emotional ties with real people.
Also, showerhead on a slow drip/drizzle kept my virginity in tact for a decade, if you know what I'm saying.