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I guess it's mostly a vent but I'm irritated that I even had a crush in the first place.
It wasn't one I wanted to act on either. Honestly, it did feel kinda nice to just have a crush and let it be that. It was more of an admiration for someone who I thought was cool, and was attracted to.
He is a music instructor who I took some lessons from on piano and guitar earlier this year and we stayed in touch because he offered to, and has, helped when I had questions on how to do this or that.
He contacted me the other day asking how things have been and to show me some music he thought I would like. Anyway the subject of my recent birthday came up and he said I looked really nice and look younger than my age and that he hopes he does too(we are both in our 40's) and he got flirty.
I know that he is just divorced as he mentioned maybe a month ago that he was dealing with finalizing it.
Then, he said he has a crush on me. I answered "well I have a bit of one on you too, but i don't really think it's a good idea to date someone whose divorce is so fresh"
His reply: "who said anything about dating or romance?"
I didn't answer this text. Then a few minutes later, " i think though that we should be friends cause I think you are cool. But you are really hot. Wouldn't want to mess up what can become a really good friendship"
This irritates me so much. I guess it's time to block. I think he was maybe implying he wants to hook up or something.
I feel stupid for even admitting to him that I felt the same. But whatever. I wasn't really thinking and not sure what kind of outcome I expected from that. I guess it's good that he is a proven scrote now.
I can't help but to have my feelings hurt now and I feel insulted. Of course I wouldn't date him in the future anymore like I may have considered otherwise. It's just put me in a bad mood the past couple days and I needed somewhere to vent. I guess it is time for me to read the handbook again. I am angry at myself for the ego boost that must have given him.
Definitely time to block. He's 40 and playing petty word games to seem like he's the one who rejected you? Male teachers of any kind are also notorious s-l-u-t-s who go after their younger pupils and use their authority to gain more intimate access. Couldn't pay me to mess with a male teacher.
I think he said "who said anything about dating or romance?" as he took what you had previously said as a rejection and wanted to save face. He seems to be the type of guy who has a fragile ego.
It's not your fault, you're just following the flow of the conversation and he backtracked. Even if you told him the opposite, he will say the same shit. There's no winning with a man like that. I get why you feel irritated but don't be too hard on yourself.
You have absolutely no reason to feel stupid. And your hurt feelings are completely justified. You behaved normally, and said perfectly normal things. If he was a HVM he would have said, 'You're right, thank you for being decent' instead of insulting you. This is on him, not you.
He is probably looking for a placeholder to get over his ex. Remember, men don't handle breakups well. They immediately need to fix their fragile ego (sex wiTH HOoT WoMAN), attention (seX WiTh HoT WoMEeen) and a free therapist (Woomeeen). In my opinion, men who are freshly divorced are never a good idea to date.
I really appreciate the comments that have been left here, this is helping me develop the "ick" for him more, as I was hoping for. I got it but not as bad as I was hoping, and still felt like there was something I did wrong.
Obviously I did not know him super well, but I have known him since the beginning of the year so enough to feel like i was starting to get a good idea of who he was.
and I guess I had a lot of hope in the back of my mind that he could possibly be different-something did seem different about him and he seemed like he was being kind to me in a much more genuine way than it turns out. And it seemed he was interested in me in an authentic way, though I was weary of it-I was becoming more sure of it.
Turns out on his end he was just maybe fantasizing about having sex with me the whole time. That hurts, I thought he liked me as a person. It's a gross feelign that is all too familiar with me, and since I do not date anymore or interact with too many men anymore, I have not had someone who i had even a little bit of attraction to, seem that interested in me for a while.
I appreciate also not making me feel bad. I still have growing to do, and I understand that something may need to change so that something like this doesn't hurt my feelings so bad in the future.
I clapped for this post because you heeded red flags. Just block and delete now. Also, for fun, see if he's actually divorced in 6 months.
Ew, wannabe fuckboy chancer here is waaaay too old to be pulling this shit. He probably already knew (or at least suspected) that you had a crush on him and when he flipped through his mental rolodex for the 'easiest and most convenient' rebound option, you came immediately to mind because he reasoned that a) you'd be receptive to his flirting, and b) he thought he could leverage the fact that you're already in regular contact with him for a legitimate reason to his advantage. That exchange there was him testing the waters, and in the most laughably transparent and cringe of ways too. (I mean, am I the only one who got the boak when reading 'but you are really hot' and all that bullshit about 'really good friendship'?) Urgh, I'm so sorry. You are infinitely better than this and you did nothing wrong except be a woman with a genuine, sincere interest in a disingenuous arsehole who turned out to have an ulterior motive and who doesn't deserve a second more of your time or trust. The fault lies with him and his attempt to take advantage of your feelings and your honesty.
Ladies, NEVER believe the bullshit about men not being able to read people or situations or know what they're doing. They absolutely can and they definitely do, and this here is yet more proof positive of that.
If he is still married, there is no divorce. Simple as that. It's either one or the other. And you also mentioned that SHE THREW HIM out? Grlllll, big red flag! Run as fast as Forest Gump.
If he wanted to, he would. It seemed cool that he did seem to be a caring instructor who did help and check in on you, until I read about the fresh divorce and the comment about who said anything about dating? I interpreted as that he was also saying you're hot, flirting, etc because he just wanted to get you in bed: the "friends with benefits" thing.
Being freshly divorced, his ego is more fragile than usual and men also can't process their feelings. I'm sure he's upset, angry, or depressed in some type of way for a marriage to end (and women unfortunately pickme women especially) tolerate way too much scrote nonsense before FINALLY ending things. Women usually initiate divorces. So he's not ready to date or anything.
It's in your best interest to delete and block. Step back at bare minimum