Beware of the men who ask for more, trap you, then yell you aren't enough.

There's a cycle I've noticed over and over again with men in my life from my father to male relatives and my own past relationships - the men always gradually keep asking the women for more and more, while he does less. And then, he will have the audacity when she is clearly overwhelmed and drowning, to say it is not enough.

Even the guys that I had been vetting started to show the signs of it. It really seems every guy does this. It's especially apparent if you live with them and even worse if you work from home /are home a lot.

In my case, when I lived with my now ex, I was still in school. I didn't have a car of my own, so I started working from home a little bit. He had a car and would drive in to classes and his part time job. It's like when you aren't physically going into a job or school, they forget that you're actually studying and working. It's also that they just don't care and want a bang maid, and that's what drives them to keep pushing you for more.

They'll have you cook and they'll leave their plates. Or they'll leave something on the floor and not in the hamper. They'll forget to feed their pets. They'll leave lights on or juice out from the fridge. It's small and seems like an accident at first. It's possible you may not even notice it and realize it - but you'll grab and wash his plate, throw that t shirt in the laundry, turn off that light, etc. You just automatically did it, and then it happens just a little bit more again until you finally start to notice and you'll either confront him about it or just ignore it and leave it for him. That's when he will act like it's no big deal, you're overreacting, and he's already gaslighting you.

He's shit testing you to see if you pickup and comply.

Then he'll shit test you more. He will say he's craving something and ask if you can make it for him, or say he's overwhelmed at work and school and forget to put his laundry in the dryer so can you do it? It seems at first, that he genuinely did forget or is overwhelmed, and he's been a good boyfriend this far, so you don't mind helping him out- it's a give take after all right? He may act all nice say he appreciates you as mine did but then he asks for more and more. He wants you cooking scratch made meals more. He's now having you do all his laundry, he's forgetting to pickup stuff at the store or doesn't listen to you and buys stuff you don't like /doesn't work (or forgets it completely) so you're how running errands. Then he will say oh you're good at cooking, you're good at running errands (or you're so picky with what you want you do the errands then), etc. The ones who are better at wearing a mask and manipulating will praise you and act all nice for the long con while the others already are gaslighting, negging, and having attitudes and tantrums.

Basically, he's trying to turn you into a housewife. You start taking on more and more and you may even feel like well he's paying for it all, or good to me, and feel like you also enjoy the clean house and hot meals. But really, I was in school and working too and as he started to keep asking for more, I found myself unable to handle it. I started telling him we should take turns cooking or meal prep together when we have free time. This didn't last long. I told him I'm too busy/stressed to cook every night so he will have to do it, or bring a takeout, otherwise I'd just fix myself a pbj and I wouldn't make any for him. He'd pout that I wouldn't fix him anything as he sat on his ass in front of the video game. I snapped and told him I work and Am in school too, I'm overwhelmed, you're just playing video games tonight so you should be making dinner.

They wear you down. Then they act like you're crazy and emotional when you get stressed and snap. Or you may suffer through the overwhelm and then he will YELL at you that "you need to relax and do something fun" poking and proding at what the issue is: if you've been paying for more of the house and stuff for it and are financially strained, he'll say with a devilish smirk "why don't you go shopping with your friends? You need to go treat yourself" but you can't because he's been placing so much financial burden on you. If you've gotten a little chubby from stress or him bringing in junk food for you all the time he will poke at you "why don't you go to the gym?" And neg you about your weight. Mine especially loved to do this, he'd fatten me up by bringing takeout and calorie bimb drinks for me as he refused to cook /eat healthy and when I was overwhelmed at school and with his house and started to put on weight, he then negged me, asking for even more from me, to now go to the gym daily atop everything else i was already drowning in.

He won't offer to actually "help" he may pay for or just pretend to "motivate" you but really he's negging you ie my ex showing me Instagram only fans type photos of women saying "look at her body, just a little bit at the gym daily and you can look like her". Of course, it was unrealistic standards but he was showing me models with massive implants, botox, etc because he knew that I'd feel bad as no one can never naturally achieve that. It was a neg. He'd continue to eat a whole family size bag of chips and drink tons of soda in front of video games in his free time.

And if you snap and stop cleaning up or picking up after him, of you tell him he needs to do his own laundry as you only do your own, better believe the house will get piggy fast. He wants you just to do it anyways. And when you continue to refuse as I did and would go study, he will then come pesting and interrupting you when you are studying/busy. It'll be stupid and he does it just to further burden you. He will then whine and cry that you won't fuck him when his room is filled with dirty laundry and trash he hasn't picked up. He'll say "you're just not having a libido because you put on weight, that'swhy you have to hit the gym, and now it's affecting me as you have no sex drive! And it's making you have no energy, you're so lazy now you can't even do an extra load of wash!"

And he will continue to gaslight you. It's not you he hates, it's all women. The issue is him. Women are NOT supposed to be a grown man's bang maid. So many of these assholes will actually put on masks and then slowly con you into being a bangmaid. They hate women so they want to see you trapped and overwhelmed, as they purposely make you get chubby, keep you financially strained, keep you stressed, and keep you away from good family members or friends who would be onto them. They saddle you down so you're miserable and don't have the resources to leave them.

Obviously vet vet vet but don't move in with men. The best advice I can give you if you move in is to keep chores separate, meal prep and cleanup together every day and have one night a week where you go out, etc. When he starts asking for anything more immediately put your foot down and say no. Walk away asap at the first red flag.