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In my past relationships with men, both long term and in situationships, I definitely had a lot of neediness and insecurity. This is because I was scared of losing them, and scared of getting ghosted. And these things did end up happening. Usually when men ghost its because they're pricks who used you for sex and validation. However neediness is a turn off for men, and a sign that I do not think Im good enough. I don't want to feel like I depend on a man, that I am scared to lose him, that i am fighting for his attention or trying to prove myself, ever again.
I no longer want to text a man first to remind him of my existence.
I don't want to stay in a relationship trying to change him because I don't feel like anything without him.
I don't want to sleep with a man sooner than i'd fancy to appease him and keep him around.
I don't want to be bothered by a man not liking me back or bothered by being ghosted.
I want to have independance, boundaries, be more assertive, and be busy. I don't want to give a guy a vibe that I reply fast to those messages because I have nothing better to do.
I read the FDS reccommended book "why men love b*tches" and I made a couple posts on it about my mixed feelings about it. One of the main principles of it is that men like to feel they have freedom, are put off my emotional instability and neediness - this makes sense. and besides having better relationships with men, the main reason is because it's better for me. The author says the "b*tch" stays busy, has financial and emotional indepedance, and her life does not revolve around her man, he is not the center of her life. This sounds quite similar to a "high value woman."
Getting a full time job helped me with my indepedance, it helped me have a part of my life that feels like "mine" and mine only. However when I'm at home, or during the weekends, i still find it easy to keep checking my phone waiting for a message. Because I'm not doing any activity that is fun or enjoyable.
So my questions are, how do you become a HVW? Have you ever experienced neediness and desperation in relationships with men?
I will go first <3 I have written down some ideas on how to grow and level up.
I want to set up a gym membership and try activities that could be beneficial to my mental health such as yoga and aquatics.
I am looking after my health more, eating more fruit and drinking my daily intake of water every day.
I am thinking about how to make myself financially stable, I have dreams to become "self made", I want to be very finacially comfortable. I already live alone and take care of everything myself. I don't want to sit here liking memes about getting a sugar daddy no longer!
I am no longer using OLD and never sending spicy photos of myself to men in any circumstances.
I want to try doing at least 2 minutes of mindful meditations every day. I make myself read at least one chapter of a book everyday.
More female friendships. I always have wanted more women to talk to as my early 20s was only men talking to me. I never wanted it to be like that, but i will make more effort to approach other women.
Being more organised and setting up appointments well in advance, at hairdressers and such. This will also boost my confidence.
and finally, to improve my mental health and that horrible feeling that i am not where I am to be, I try to count my blessings and focus on how far I have got myself, on my success.
Just view men's true nature as facts, they don't love women, they love what they can use, when a woman can't cook or clean because she had a fractured bone the attitude with men shifts, making you look like an burden making you feel bad that you need some time to recover, when a woman is in the hospital a man will claim he misses her, and when she asks why he will some up all the things she did for him not because he feels un happy without her.
Men re marry within the first year of a woman passing away while I spoke to heaps of women who won't re marry because they viewed their husband as their best pal and the only one for them. they will meet again in the afterlife.
When men hit the jackpot and earn more money their attitude towards you shifts, and most reason why men cheat during that time is because they view childfree women, leading a care free life as a person they once were makes them homesick to the old times, but when that girl doesn't want to take care of him when he gets sick he wants to crawl back to the woman who build him. Not out of love but realizing he F ed up. When men do something wrong It's always I,I,I, me,me,me,.but have no problem cutting ties with you when you do something less bad.
If you don't de center men they will invade your space, Men are invaders by nature and de centering is your shield to keep these life invaders out. It's like a border control.
My advise to you is never let men move in with you, Men know their place better when they have no access to your life whenever they please, you still get to keep your privacy and you still have the last say, Men can't boss you around in a house where you are paying the bills. And if he does try it's easier for you to put him in place when he doesn't live with you.
Let him know that you come first in your own life, Not him, not his children not his wishes to go back to University. If you don't put yourself first in your own life nobody else will.
No woman needs a man. Not for this, not for that. We do not need them. I'll be 40 next year and I do not want a man ever again in my life. All they've ever brought upon me was stress, hurt, anger and bad things. And I do not know a single woman who hasn't been hurt by a man before. They're all evil.
Self improvement is great but don't feel the need to work and grind ourselves to death so that you can master that skill and earn that bucks. You are great as you are!
You need to find women who think similarly. We are in a solid patriarchy where men view US as disposable and bad. You're going to be going against the grain here unless you surround yourself with either A. Female separatists, or B. Women who can engage in patriarchal society without being indoctrinated. Or, if you become the latter. Existing day-to-day in a patriarchy without conciously thinking will leave you brainwashed.