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Beside obvious red flags regarding animal treatment while dating I would like to point out the subtle detail that I noticed retrospectively from my past LV-ex and his treatment of my pet.
He would be warm and playful with my cat but when my cat would act out or do some nasty stuff that cats usually do, he would get agressively angry. I mean in a way that feels wrong since it is directed to an animal who did not have known better. He never voiced or acted out to my cat but subtlety of directed anger could be traced if I knew better.
I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong UNTIL I witnessed how my brother treated his gf's cat while visiting him. So, basically cat found the wet cat food at night and dragged it along the expensive Persian carpet. He was a bit pissed but in a paternalistic way and blamed himself for not hiding the wet food properly and now he has to live with the consequences of cleaning it up. He did not even had any agressiveness towards cat and in fact called his gf and asked if he should have gave him more food than he was instructed to. (He was looking after his gf cat for the first time while she was gone).
My brother was always afraid & indifferent to cats and dogs. However, he never ever hurt or acted agressively when my cat would attack and annoy him. He would just freeze to a playful cat and ask me to take the cat away cause he might hurt him by accident if he moves or just annoy cat further.
Looking back, I realized why my ex's reaction did not sit right with me. He was just winning points by being nice to my pet and in similar situation like my brother he might have had petty retialiation to my š. I would rather prefer blunt honesty like my brother who can look after responsibly but a bit indifferent to pets than acting out love while treating them differently when pets are not living up to the best behaviour as expected.
I guess it comes off as word salad but my cat is very important to me and I was thinking about red flags and yellow flags on pet treatment during dating so decided to share.
I would appreciate if Queens have anything to add!
I was roommates with a NVM man who "chased" his gf's cat around the house, which stressed the cat out so much it would pee itself. The man laughed, and gave the excuse that "he just doesn't like animals" and "the cat's a little shit". The gf had no boundaries or self worth and I was the one who eventually had to confront the man about his treatment of the cat, which stopped.
Later on in the year I lived w them, he verbally and mentally abused his gf for getting a taco bell order wrong, would joke about leaving her for a supermodel (she chased him and pursued him until he gave in), and ended up gaslighting me and mentally abusing me so badly I had to go to therapy and moved back in with my parents. He knew I could see exactly who he was, I caught him in several lies and knew he was cheating on his gf but I had no proof - he was TERRIFIED of me. Just LIVING with him wrecked my mental health so badly I had nightmares about living with them for a year after, and had to seek professional counselling. Imagine DATING this man.
A man who "hates animals" is a psychopath. Full stop. You can not want to live with animals, but mistreating them for fun is psychopath behavior. A good man will never torment something smaller and weaker than him.
I briefly dated a man would joke that he was going to ābuy a big dog thatāll chase [my] catsā. Like bitch, you aināt getting anywhere near my cats.
My suggestion is to also have a camera out of sight. A lot of people I know who use pet sitters donāt have cameras and some live in expensive homes. A sub for some of these for more advanced motion recording is cheap. See how people treat your babies when youāre not in the room. They even make covers for cameras to hide it.
I defiantly agree that a way a man treats your pet is a solid way to really see his character. I have a Labrador German Shepard mix and my bf treats her the same way he treats his own pet. He sweet talks her when needed but is direct when sheās not paying attention. Also heās the only one able to help me file her nails.. cš lol. I never really trained her when she was a pup.. but he helps to keep her still, tells her itās ok, and gives her snack to distract her, all with out getting anxiety ā¦ helping me not to be anxious š
Many years ago, at the height of my "pick me" status, I had a dog I loved dearly. She was a rescue, so she needed to be potty trained, and though she was making great progress, she still had accidents here and there. One day I was blow-drying my hair when I heard my dog yelping. I came outside to see my scrote ex dangling her by her leash, strangling her. I made him stop, but it was too late. Of course, he tried to tell me I was crazy, and that my eyes had made the entire scenario up. Sadly, it took more for me to leave him, even after that. I was truly demented. That was over 20 years ago, but I don't think I'll ever quite get over it. Now that I have finally seen the light, I know that it is absolutely not okay for a man to show any sign of resentment toward an animal. We women have every reason to be hyper-vigilant, as any sign that they have a lack of empathy toward animals is quite literally a sign that they are psychopathic and dangerous.
Apathy or indifference is also a š©for me. My NVX had a friend whose beloved dog died. Friend was another man and was (rightfully) emotional about the loss. X laughed when he mentioned it to me later, āI mean whatās the big deal? Itās just a dog!ā Heard that loud and clear.