Kicking out kids at age 18, 20, etc

I think kicking your kid out no matter what at an arbitrary age like 18 is harmful. I mean you're a teenager one day and you parents make you homeless the next. How is that okay? Especially with the job market and housing situation being what it is these days. It's the perfect recipe for disaster because it forces them to move in with sketchy friends or partners or into other unsafe living conditions. Who wants that for their child? Children mature differently. One sibling may be ready to face the world alone at that age, while the other will need a little more time.

As long as they are functioning members of society, contributing to chores and the household (including expenses if they earn money), doing whatever they are supposed to do at a reasonable speed (go to college, school, work) and being respectful and your living situation allows it (aka you aren't 4 people in a one bedroom apartment), I see no problem with them staying a little longer. It's a unique situation in every family and with every child. The absolute majority of kids will want to move out for college or when they find their first job and live an independent life.

EDIT: And in my personal experience the only parents who kicked their kids out at 18 were toxic and shitty parents in general. In most cases they were disgusting "I need you gone so my new boyfriend/girlfriend can move in" cases.

I think this is one of those things where women should hold a double standard. Girls should be allowed to stay home as long as they need to build a financially stable and independent life and boys should be encouraged to make enough money to leave as soon as possible or go to student housing. If my sons were serious about a career choice and were enrolled in the schooling or training they need to achieve it, I would let them stay with me rent free. If they aren’t in school or training and aren’t employed, then it’s a hard no.

Why? Boys are far more likely than girls to sink into complacency living with parents and never leave. Boys are born inherently trying to get everyone in their proximity to do everything for them so they don‘t have to. I have sons and it’s been a daily battle since they were little. There’s a real danger of ending up with a couch creature you’ll have to remove by force at age 35. Boys benefit more from living on their own at a young age as it’s when they either step up and do the cleaning, laundry, shopping, and cooking themselves (because there’s no longer a mommy to do it for them) or decide it’s easier to live in filth and go into debt ordering takeout every day.

I would help out my adult sons if I was sure they would keep a job and not exploit me, but the minute I felt used or they acted like trash they would be out of the house as the consequence for their poor behaviour. I only coddle babies, not grown men.

I left home at 19 due to toxic parents (pathological narcisstic mother and absent father). I had to make it all on my own. I struggled with paying bills, couldn't barely afford anything. It took me way longer to make up to my college degree and go to uni. Finished my studies at age 31 because I always had to work to pay for rent, bills, driving license, insurance etc. When I was 22 I also ran into an abusive narcisstic piece of shit (17 years older scrote) who took advantage of my vulnerability, my lack of life experience and the overhelming life situation to take care of myself at such a young age with no savings, no backup (like caring and lovely parents.) That wouldn't have happened if I had ANY adult person to turn to and ask for help, but I hadn't. Society preys on young vulnerable women who are out there in the wild with no life experience. It's like you throw a sheep into a hoard of wolfes. And let me tell you: No one literally cares. They blame you as a young women because how could you move out at such a young age and hate your parents? There for sure has to be something wrong with YOU. They literally don't give a shit and you become an easy target for predatory men because you are financially isolated when you had no chance to save up some money (because you need all the money to literally keep yourself alive). Long short story: DO NOT THROW YOUR DAUGHTERS OUT.

My brother and I both moved away to uni but while I returned for holidays initially I never truly moved back. My brother did and left home properly at 22. I left an abusive relationship in my twenties and stayed with my mum for a bit. She actually moved to be nearer me a few years ago and my brother lives abroad. He makes long visits with his wife and kids. We both appreciated that we were encouraged to spread our wings but that there’s always a home for us. I plan to do the same for my son. In raising him I take a lot from FDS and am proud of how thoughtful he is; he had so much fun planning Christmas gifts and has taken on the role of running my baths (he lights candles and picks a bubble bath). I don’t think an arbitrary age makes sense. If he goes to uni then he’ll move out at 18 and hopefully visit. If he does an apprenticeship then he’ll stay home unless he particularly wants to move away. If he becomes a scrote then I’ll send him to his dad 😉

This is a tough one, because I feel like living at home as an adult was really harmful to my growth. This had a lot to do with my parents being toxic AF, but still. I think it's really important to not just throw your kids out into the real world, but to give them a head start financially and to really be there for them and teach them about things like credit cards, etc. If my kids lived on their own they would know I'm just a phone call away and I will drop everything if they really need me. I don't even know if I believe in going to college right after high school anymore. For one thing, it often means you won't qualify for financial aid, so the parents will have to foot the bill. But I also think many young adults don't yet have a strong sense of who they are and what they want to do for the rest of their lives. Taking a few years to work can help with that. If my kids do want to go to college right away I will support them, but right now I'm encouraging them to go into the trades right after high school. With most trades you can make your own hours and earn a decent living. This means they can always go back for a degree later on if they want, and their work schedules can fit around school.

It's different for sons than it is daughters. Let your son stay, snd he'll mooch off you for life and just play video games. Letting your daughter stay will likely mean she'll be protected from predatory males and you'll have someone to do housework and other things around the house. As an adult, I've had to live with my Mom twice due to disability and Covid. I always worked, pay for her car insurance, cook and buy groceries, mop floors, sweep, clean bathrooms, etc. I do my best to contribute. Also, I don't hog the TV and let her watch whatever she wants to. I read a lot in my room, exercise, and keep to myself. I'll move out again after my next neck surgery heals and go make money in the big city again per usual. But males at home are a NO GO. Both my father and his brother moved in with my grandmother, and they did NOTHING. She was 94 years old and still cooking for them! Paying for their food. They wouldn't clean anything or do the farm chores. Everything fell into disarray. Unfortunately, males must be forced to be independent. Look at lions and elephants. Male lions and elephants go off and form independent groups of their own. The females stay together for lifetimes. That's because they can be trusted to work together for the good of the group. Males cannot be trusted like that. They must prove they're the biggest and best providers and protectors by being capable of providing for themselves first, and they can't do that by leeching off the girls.

I am childfree by choice, but I do find it odd that parents charge their children rent. I think it is an American thing.

The ultimate goal of parenting is to enable kids to become healthy and functional adults. If the parent has done their job with any modicum of success, those kids will already be contributing to the household well before their 18th birthday. Not financially, but in simply living. They need to learn to cook, clean, and generally adult, and they won't suddenly acquire those skills because the planet has rotated a certain number of times. They should already be doing these things.

For example, a child who likes cooking can cook once, twice a week. It begins with the parent, but by doing so they'll learn the skills and be able to cook for themselves as a teen.

When I was a kid I earned extra pocket money by taking on extra chores. Some may agree or disagree with this, but it meant I had motivation to learn them. And when I got my first job, I voluntarily gave my parents 1/3 of my earnings. (This prompted them to ask the same from my sibling, which is a whole other story).

Charging sprogs rent once they hit a certain age isn't going to teach responsibility if there isn't a foundation of parenting there to begin with. It's true that all adults need to contribute to the family: sometimes this means by studying for future benefit. Sometimes this is financial. Sometimes this is simply by being a decent and helpful person.

It's really difficult to say what I would do if I were a parent, and questions like these honestly make me NOT want to have kids!!! Such unnecessary stress! I will say that, as for my own upbringing, my parents did start having me pay them a minimal rent of $200/month once I turned 18. I was still living with them while going to university and working part time. I think that little sense of financial responsibility helped prepare me for renting my own apartment once I got into my sophomore and junior years of college. However, I did move back in with them for senior year and they welcomed me with open arms. I know they will always provide me a place to stay if I need it, but honestly I hate living with my parents and I try my best to be as independent of them as possible!

Parents who kick their kids out really cripple their kids for life. I'm desi and it's just a thing in desi families that they let you live with them however long you need while you work until you can save up for a house. I bought my first house (a 3 bedroom with a gorgeous backyard) at 25 because of this - I lived with them through undergrad, worked jobs all through undergrad, and then worked my regular job after graduating. I managed to save so much up simply because it wasn't being eaten up by a landlord.

My mom kicked me out basically when I was 18. I wanted to study locally and commute but she held my financial aid against me and pretty much forced me into getting a dorm. After college she made me get my own place and "figure it out" even though I hadn't have a real job yet and didn't have much money. It forced me into living with my at the time boyfriend- and when the relationship went sour with cheating and then abuse I had to stay longer until I had another place for myself.

I think parents should allow their kids to live at home - provided that they are working and saving up money/ in school / paying some sort of rent and helping around/ if they had a medical issue.

My family had a long line of generational abuse and a cycle - which I'm working so hard to overcome. Parents that allow their kids to live at home as a helping hand - not an enabling hand- are setting their kids up to be successful and independent. While living at home, parents should be seeing that their kids have life skills like cooking, cleaning, budgeting, minor repair skills, etc that will prep them when they do move out. The parents should also be seeing that the kid is helping around the house instead of just mooching - whether through paying a small rent or doing extra chores.

When I was forced out of the house I wasn't ready and my dad was abusive and my mom was untreated bipolar. I had a lot of trauma and stress and setbacks that made my early 20s a massive struggle. Thankfully I went no contact with one and am low contact with the other parent. I have a good job now and am getting financially back on my feet after having cancer (and fighting mostly alone).

Parents are supposed to help their kids thrive.

If they aren’t asses and hold a job, keep house clean, do chores, commit some discounted rent etc then no. A lot of cultures outside USA don’t have this view of pushing kids to have their own place asap once they turn 18. Years ago I would have said yes but I’m now no because I think that’s just odd and kinda cold.

This conversation needs nuance here because it's easy to say something negative about adults living with their parents without stepping back to see the whole picture. Some adults are very disabled and don't have partners or other people who can care for them, so naturally their parents will step in. Perhaps the adult went through surgery or cancer treatment and lost their home, so the parents happily step in to help while they heal. Or maybe the adult did tried to move out at one point, but an emergency happened and it really set them back. (Hello, pandemic!)

As long as this child works, goes to school, pays their own bills and offer to pitch in for the groceries or the house bills with the parents, and is saving up to move out or buy a house in the future, there's nothing really wrong with it from a moral perspective. I feel like when the child is a daughter, it's more forgiving because it really is tough out there for an adult, but for a woman (especially under age 35-40) it is very hard for a number of reasons. I've even heard that single women face housing discrimination while couples get first rate treatment. She could find roommates, but that may open herself up to assault or a sex trafficking situation. She can live alone happily, but men may stalk her and try to find out where she lives. If she lives with her parents, it's much safer.

And of course, there's the rent crisis. It's way out of control and not every person can have a high paying job just to be able to meet the "3x the rent" rule. I see the prices going down around in my area, so I feel like this situation is getting better and will have more adults feel confident in moving out of the house finally. Now, if it's some deadbeat scrote who smokes pot all day and doesn't work, doesn't take classes, and spends money on porn and games, yeah, kick him tf out.

If I had a son I would. They mooch off their mothers until the grave if you let them. As for daughters If she remains respectful she can stay as long as she needs to.

I'm a senior in high school.

My parents are adamant that after the year ends and I start college I never can live with them again, I can visit of course over the holidays and over the summers, but yeah, I need to find my own place and be independent.

But the main reason I was going to reply to this post was because I overheard my mom telling my little brother (he's 15) that her precious little son can stay with her even when he's 80. And she'll cook him his favorite meal (he's a picky eater, he only eats a certain Chinese dish that my mom cooks, it's called lao bing) every day. Yes, she said that. He's the apple of her eye, her golden child, when we were younger, I was always expected to be a second mom to him and held to impossible standards of perfectionism. Fuck that.

As long as they contribute to the household, pay something towards food and bills and are lovely, no-trouble people, it's fine. If they are lazy, ungrateful and difficult to live with, then you have a problem.

Nope. This is unheard of in my culture.

Mom here. My adult children pay rent. Why? Because it's part of life's lessons. People do not necessarily value things they don't provide growth or learning experiences. Once they graduated university and earned enough money to do so, this was a part of "adulting". They've managed to save quite a bit of money, purchase cars, pay their own car insurance, life insurances, and live a rather indulgent lifestyle in their 20's. I'm happy for them as they have the perfect balance and I know they are able and capable of taking care of the house should I pass away and also taking care of themselves. I am also assured my son and not just my daughter knows how to run a household (mortg, ins, utilities, upkeep of home). They are also responsible for working with the repair men for any issues and upkeep of the house. I eventually moved to another location pursuing my own dreams but left them the home to live in until they choose to move out. According to them, it's important for them to contribute as adults and it makes sense to them.

Do you have children? If not. It’s a time waste planning this.

Kick out? No. Help them find secure housing? Yes.

It's not healthy for kids to live with parents after highschool. But they need help with finding (and funding for) postsecondary school, finding jobs, choosing career path, housing, etc.