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TL, DR: my friend has a daughter with a scrote. Despite not being together anymore for a few years now, he's posessive. he still persues her from time to time and she still loves him, so it's hard for her to say no. How can she distance herself from him when they have a child together?
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This is a situation that a friend of mine is going through and I don't know how to help her. So I'm hoping some of you can enlighten me.
She is in her thirties and has a daughter aged 4. Being a mother was a choice (a dream) for her. Her relationship was monogamous and apparentlt happy when she had the baby, but after a while she found out the scrote was flirting with other womeon on Tinder. She tried cOmMuNicAtiNg, but it obviously didn't work. So eventually she broke up with him. By the way, they were never officially married and lived in the scrote's parents's house (her in-laws).
She's been living there still. He ended up moving out. They have an overall friendly relationship. She says there is still care and love, but they know they're not good together. Problem is, ever since their break up, it has been extremely difficult for her because she still loves him (don't ask...) and from time to time he tries to get lucky with her. She says the sex is good - the best she's ever had - and no one compares. So she has great trouble saying no, although she's managed to get better at that lately. Shortly after the break up, they used to tell eacho other when they were seeing other people, but it was painful for her. So they decided it would best not to share that with each other.
Thing is, they usually end up finding out somehow (gossip probably). He is promiscuous, she is not. However she recently had casual sex with some guy and her ex found out and got really angry. He's posessive of her. She's only been with other guys twice while scrote-dad sleeps around a lot. Now he's angry seying she's not being honest with him because she didn't tell him about this guy. He's sure she's dating even though she says it was casual, and he basically told her to move out of his parents' house - as if she lives there as a favor. She's the mother of his child, she's family!
He'splaying the victim saying what she did was unnacceptable, trying to make her feel guilty (spoiler: she doesn't, he knws she did nothing wrong).
She wants to move out, but it's expensive to be a single mother with a small child living alone. She has a somewhat good job, but the money is not that good and the scrote earns less than her, so the financial help he gives her is not very good either. She wants to set a good example for her child. She says "I don't want my daughter to think it's okay for her dad to treat her mom like that. That's what gives me strength to deny his advances. But it's very difficult because I still love him..." (again, don't even ask...)
Needless to mention he's a crap dad. She has to demand things from him all the time. He does more than most scrotes, but we all know that's not a good way to measure how good of a father a man is.
So the dilemma her is: how can she limit her contact with this fucken scrote when they have a child together? She can't prevent the kid from seeing her father. But she needs to geographically distance herself from him in order to avoid giving in to her desires everytime he persues her. She can't go no contact. She can't block and delete.
Now just to clarify, this is currently my only HV friendship. She is a smart woman (obvisouly smarter now than when she decided to had a baby with this piece of shit) who fits a lot of the FDS profile and values me as a friend. But she's human... She knows it doesn't make sense she still loves him despite his actions, but she can't help it. I honestly don't even know why the hell she gives him any explanations about her love/sex life if they are both single. He just wants to make her life difficult. He wants to have everything while she has nothing. Typical! His parents always take his side, so no support from them (btw I think they are the ones doing the gossip about her sex life).
Please, if any of you have tips on how to deal with this situation, it would be very helpful. Her priority is her daughter. She doesn't want to make this whole ordeal traumatizing for her, but she is also mindful of her own mental health because she knows it affect her child as well.
Why can't she go no contact or block/delete? Are they in the United States? And is the ex paying child support and visiting the child voluntarily (there's no child support/ parental rights order in place)? If yes to both questions, then in most states, he is not legally recognized as the child's father even if he is the biological father. Depending on which states are involved here, she can geographically locate closer to family or friends to help her without his knowledge or consent. If he that badly wants to support the child or be involved in the child's life, it would be up to him to locate her and then initiate a court action-- most scrotes don't want to do that because (1) they don't really care to be a father and therefore do not want to put the energy or effort into paying for and planning trips to visit their out-of-state child, (2) no incentive, and, most importantly, (3) guideline child support is typically more than what he'd voluntarily be willing to pay for support, so he'd be sabotaging himself.
If she's okay with not living in luxury, depending on which state she's in, many states offer financial assistance and resources for single mothers usually for up to three years if the mother cannot work because she is the child's primary caretaker. That's more than enough time to figure out a long-term plan. In three years, the child will already be in school and then your friend can return to work full-time.