.png)
Supervised visitation is rarely granted in family court. It is the strictest form of visitation that exists. My ex has had professionally supervised visits with a "counselor" for four years. It took me nearly 2 years of court dates to finally prove that he was a danger to our children, so you can imagine my relief when I thought my children would finally be safe on their visits. However, there were many things I didn't know, and that I wish my attorney had considered.
1) I wish she had specified in the order that my ex would not be allowed at any of the children's events- that he would only be allowed in their vicinity while professionally supervised. Since the order did not include any specifics regarding this, he has been at many of their little league games, etc., and has brought along his friends, some of whom are convicted felons (one legitimately a convicted murderer). I feel so unsafe, and I hate that my kids are still subjected to these idiots.
2) I wish she had specified that he would not be allowed to drive them anywhere during visit. This should be a no-brainer, especially because he is an active meth addict, but the provider let him drive several times on visits. I asked him not to, and he agreed, then let him drive again! I then found out it is actually illegal for active addicts to drive in CA, and threatened to report him to the police. Now he doesn't let him drive, but he also hates me and sees me as a Karen. This could have all been avoided.
3) I wish she had specified that no gifts or cash should be exchanged between scrote and kids during visits. He has given them hundreds of dollars at a time, laptops, guitars, etc. It's bribery and I don't see how this is ok. I honestly don't think they would even want to go to these visits anymore if he wasn't buying their love (all while refusing to pay child support... and please don't get me started on using that as evidence, I've tried and have given up).
4) I wish she had NOT specified where the visits would be held. I understand it is a requirement to name a facility, however, I now know you can word it as: "visits will be held at a qualifying supervised visitation facility SUCH AS (name of facility)". Since she named a facility, in order to get it switched I would have to file a motion and take my ex back to court- which is extremely risky, as the judge may decide to go back to regular visits instead of supervised.
5) I wish she had not stated that I would pay 25% of the costs of visits. She insisted that it was standard that I pay a portion of the costs, since I'm the one insisting he needs to be monitored. But I've since talked to several attorneys and monitors who say they have NEVER heard of the stable parent having to pay.
If any of you Queens are dealing with this, stay strong! I hope this was helpful. And if any of you are having to share physical custody with a dangerous scrote, please know you have my utmost sympathy. There is nothing worse than knowing your kids are in harm's way, and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Keep documenting and keep fighting for your children's safety.
All the best.
I feel for you, I really do! I also have a child with a very unstable and previously abusive ex. Luckily, he has never taken me to court so I don't legally have to give him anything. We walk a fine line between me keeping him happy enough not to take me to court (I mean he can't afford a lawyer anyway) and protecting my son. He likes to periodically threaten me with court but we are usually amicable (internally though he aggravates me to no end and loves to sexually harass me at any opportunity). He has unsupervised visits for a few hours/fortnight and supervised (by me) visits. He is not so incompetent that I don't trust him to babysit for a few hours (unlike yours he's not a drug addict) but I would not trust him with my son overnight or to provide a safe home and competent parenting. He has a history of physical and emotional abuse, is an alcoholic, financially unstable, and incredibly lazy (does not maintain a safe and hygienic house). I know in court though he would almost certainly be given partial custody.
The court system is idiotic with its assertion that every child has a right to a relationship with both parents even when one of those parents is nothing but harmful to the children. The evidence is clear that children need only one stable parent. I hope your situation improves or your ex gives up on visiting them!! It absolutely sucks that the misogynistic legal system has put you and your children in this situation. Yet men will say the court system is biased against them. It's biased towards them, it's just that most men don't want custody of their kids!!
This is one of the reasons why I have conceived my 2nd child via sperm donor. I encourage every woman who wants to be a mother to consider this option so you don't end up in custody situations like mine and OPs!
Here an article I found from Jessica Taylor. I hope it helps. It's really good.
Parenting with your abusive ex is a living nightmare: https://whatwouldjesssay.substack.com/p/parenting-with-your-abusive-ex-is
That seems like a lot of work to protect some kids 😅 If I were you I would have dropped them kids like a hot rock and let the system find out that "women want supervised visitation for a reason" the hard way when something happens to those kids The court system really enjoys bending over backwards to protect the privileges of men, doesn't it Your kids are so lucky they have a wonderful mother like you who could tolerate this nonsense (the bribes won't mean shit to them when they grow up and realize what you went through for their safety) and society is lucky I don't want kids 🤣
Regarding No 5: why would your attorney give you advice and work on a mandate so blatantly against your best interests? You’re surrounded by vipers and I’m so angry for you!! Hint at reporting them to the state bar about this and see if that compels them to rectify things. Ugh.