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Your "oh, shit!" fund. Your marriage insurance. Your "my husband emptied the bank accounts and ran off to Miami with a mistress!" fund. Whatever you call it, it's that money you keep just in case the man you previously thought was high-value turns out to be garbage. Typically kept in a separate bank account your husband has no access to, and may not even know exists.
I know finances in marriage are deeply personal, but this is something worth discussing.
This is one of the reasons why you should never share your money with men. When they leave you won't get a penny back, I learned that the hard way.
Second, even when you aren't in a relationship always save money, make sure the things you own all fit in a small suitcase so that you can get out.
Save money for yourself and money will save you,
Save money for men and you'll groom him for a woman he can afford.
Don't be stupid, money is your savior, your life raft your knight in shining armor.
Not married but since I wouldn't change that setup if I ever were my "run fund" or "screw this I'm leaving"-fund (which can also apply to being able to leave a bad job or housing situation) has the following components:
I own land with a little house in a rural area that is paid off and in my name only and will stay that way. It's too small for a family, so if that ever happens we will live somewhere else, I will rent the house out to tourists and the earnings will go to me. There is no way I am ever selling it or sharing the profits. Only my children (if I ever have any) will inherit it and I will make arrangements so that my spouse will not get it even if I die first.
The majority of my savings are tied up in investments, so they are not exactly a "run fund" because I may have to sell at a loss if I have to access them at a moment's notice.
The actual emergency fund: My basic monthly expenses (rent, insurance, utilities, food for myself and my pets, transport) x 6 in a bank account that can be accessed at any time. So even if I have to quit my job, leave my partner and vanish from the face of the earth at a moment's notice I can comfortably sustain myself and my pets for up to 6 months while I rebuild without having to touch my investments. If I move into my little house the money will last even longer because I don't have to pay rent.
Money and property equals freedom. It equals having a choice. It means the power to say "No, this isn't working for me" at any moment and walk out the door (with your children) without having to fear becoming homeless. I would never, ever give that up.
When I am in a relationship I want the luxury to be able to choose to be with that person every morning because I could literally pack up and leave at any time. I don't want to be chained to anyone or to have to rely on them for my survival and any man who is not okay with that is planning to use your dependence on him to his advantage.
Two months rent and a damage deposit (half a months rent), for an emergency apartment in a safe area. Plus a couple hundred for food and breathing room. I hid it "in plain sight" and kept it in cash, in $20 bills.
Not yet married, but I have the advantage of being an immigrant, with legal rights in two countries. I've been fortunate to build a stash that could cover for nearly a year's worth of rent in my current country of residence (in a two bedroom townhouse or apartment), or up to several years' worth (or a downpayment on a landed house) in my country of origin - where cost of living is significantly lower. The money just sits there, gathering interest, but hasn't yet generated enough income to pay any taxes on (which I would gladly do, should the circumstances arise).
I am also very lucky to have some highly trustworthy family, so I am happy to transfer my account to them, should I actually marry. They already know this, and are on board.
Furthermore, I'm also praying, hoping and working towards buying an apartment before I marry.
When I was married, we had no joint account. There was NO way I'd share my money with any male. I had $25K in my checking account alone. I saved my money, and he paid the bills. Men are supposed to pay the bills, and you're supposed to stash your money in case you need to leave him when he decides he doesn't like you anymore.
This is a very very good topic. Thanks for raising it. I'm in the process of building an emergency fund. It will be 6 months of complete expenses in an account only I know about.
Still undecided if I actually want to get legally married, but if I do:
I currently own my own house, I will keep owning it (using a trust to make it not a marital asset if necessary)
All my bank accounts in general will remain in only my name, so some might become marital assets but none of them he'll be able to rock up to the bank and drain one day (some I might also put in trusts)
Will keep working, so I'll always have current income
If we're talking about the man I'm currently dating, I already know all about his finances because we are both budget geeks, so if any of that transparency goes away we'd have an issue
Probably get a prenup, but consult a lawyer about it. He is rich so in that sense no prenup would be better for me. But I don't actually need any of his money, and a lot of his assets require effort/expenses to manage so I'd almost rather wave my hands of all of that and just have my cute bungalow and my own savings if I decide to leave.