Ok so I'll start this post by saying I am coming at this from a CRAZY position of privilege and maybe this is only true given my social group. I went to a top 10 non-ivy for undergrad, have a professional degree, own a home in one of the 5 biggest cities in the USA, and make six figures. But I feel like, numerically, more unmarried millennial women are a) employed and b) have higher salaries through that employment than their male counterparts. I only know THREE married millennial women who have salaries more than 40K lower than their husbands' (and two of them are south asian, stay based queens). All of my girlfriends in relationships, who are "single" for tax purposes (never forget), significantly out-earn their boyfriends or are 50/50. I say this having been inspired by the achingly lovely post expressing frustration with not finding a HVM partner despite truly wanting one, something I feel many of us here on FDS can relate to. Still, I've reached a point of acceptance that my chances of 'finding someone' are low because of my income and height (lol). Not zero, but very low! Now that said, I still 'have fun' with men - I can date and go out with whoever I like. It is nice, as a straight woman, to have the validation of being desired by hot guys, even if temporarily (plz don't have sex with them or let them in your house tho lol). However, I've realized most men are not suitable for me long-term based on income and height alone, before we get to personality or personal values compatibility. Most can't even afford a second date! This points to a reality that has long been true in the Black American community, but now seems to have widened to all ethnicities - there is a shortage of single, employed men earning family-supporting wages. With this knowledge can we stop wringing our hands about not finding an HVM and just accept that statistically the women of our and future generations are probably not gonna do it due to men giving up? I'm really not a pessimist. Men might get it together, but they have to level up by themselves. In the meantime, I just hate to see so many women so, so sad. To quote Germaine Greer "The absurdity of the notion that there is someone 'out there' for everybody is obvious to anyone who as thought about it for more than five seconds. Women's lives would be a lot easier if they started from the opposite premise, that there is nobody 'out there' and the might as well get on with life..." I say this with love and deep understanding of the grief that comes with accepting these realities, especially when we were all sold the idea (by a male run media) that a nuclear family and marriage were and are the pinnacle of personal fulfilment and happiness. But what if we raised girls to think about men as mostly unsuitable and unreliable. Good perhaps for satisfying one's sexual impulses and even then only on a woman's terms, and not worth investing much time and energy in beyond that unless the man himself goes above and beyond? How different would our lives be if we STARTED from decentering men rather than having to learn it after being abused, manipulated, and disappointed by man after man after man because we erroneously believe that many of them are our equals. Just some food for thought.
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yes, men as a whole have just given up.
The manosphere stuff has really done a number on em. They have collectively embraced that they won't ever be an Elon millionaire or yacht-having Leonardo DiCaprio. They can't be an Alpha, so they don't even try. Men's main source of stimulation today is derived from video games and porn while living off the government or momma's house.
Women all over the world are outpacing men in graduating from college. So many men have just opted out of adulting. They no longer even aim for a 6 figure career. Of course, we are looking around and noticing they ain't making the kind of money we are. What you are noticing now is just an inkling of the future to come.
These males out here are struggling. I realized in my mid 20's that finding a man who makes enough money to be my husband AND has all the personality traits I'm looking for is going to be nearly impossible in the city I live in. It sucks that males are so broke and lame but what can we do? Women can't do anything to change men. SOME men will only change after they been rejected enough times for them to figure out they need to do better. But most won't.
I completely agree that girls should not be told this fantasy of finding a perfect man and getting married. There just aren't enough males of value to go around. I went to college and got a degree that allows me to make great money and live comfortably. Honestly, my college degree was the greatest and most valuable thing I have ever obtained. I live a great life, no worries about money and have a job that is pretty cool.
Finding FDS and radical feminism was a tough pill to swallow, but over time I have come to accept males for who they are: shitty human beings lmao. I try not to focus on them anymore and try to just enjoy my life and focus on my friends, hobbies and the things I have control over.
Men are too busy investing in bitcoin to work hard. That's why there are a few charities that invest in women's empowerment because women generally lift people around them up instead of men.
Depends on your age group. Women start out better because of hard work. Men get promoted more the higher you get. Women are loosing out because of that. Another reason not to go 50/50 in your twenties even if you earn the same or more. Don't forget that women need more savings for retirement.
If you are really well off it doesn't matter if your partner makes less, as long as they are high value to you.
Love the Germaine Greer quote. Thanks for sharing - I didn't know she'd said that, another reason to love her. She's just so full of common sense.
In the US, Asian Americans outearn other ethnicities, and Asian women earn more than any other demographic, apart from Asian men. I think you might be right about millennials outearning men - they're doing better at school and at uni so it makes sense that it continues in the workforce. Obviously everything changes when women have children and either drop out of the workforce or go part-time. So yea, if women stay single and don't have kids, I think the millennial generation and younger could, in general, be better off financially than men.
Totally agree with your broader point about the importance of instilling in girls the message that if a good man comes along, then go for it, but otherwise we can and should be making trying to make it on our own. Girls need to be encouraged to strive for careers and not just 'jobs' and they need to be told from a young age that this is a necessity to survive. You can't even rent (let alone buy) a place in my city on your own unless you earn a good salary - the economy is set up for dual-income households so if you earn a below average wage, it's very difficult. I can see why some women would stay in a bad relationship for financial reasons.
I definitely see your life position as my future! Went to a top college, work in a well compensated role (not quite 6 figures total comp yet, but getting there). I'm tall as well! I am considering settling outside the US temporarily or permanently though... Would have to find suitable employment or start my own business though
I'm doing the work to decenter men now because I know it will pay dividends over my lifetime, regardless of I find someone or not.
No not all millennial women. Definitely not me, but I'm working on it.
I’ll save this post for later 👋 I thought the quote and the changing premise starting from the other side were excellent 👌