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Hello ladies,
what are your financial tips for single life?
I'm 28F, single, have a full-time job and I'm currently studying applied computer science in order to get a better job, but this will take a while.
My salary isn't bad, but I live alone (after 10 years with roommates my mental health went south, so I decided to rent a small, cheap apartment) and I pay everything myself. I have no support system (except two good friends) as my family is poor and I can't expect any handouts or inheritance.
To be honest, it's quite hard to manage everything on my own - I live quite frugally, don't spend money on unnecessary things and I don't have a car so I'm able to pay rent and other necessary expenses, but at the end of the month I'm left with little money which I put on my savings account. I can't really afford any luxuries like vacations, nice clothes, eating-out, etc.
However, some women in my surroundings who are in relationships and live with their partner can split their rent and other living costs with him so they have more disposable income and it seems they have a 'better life' as they can buy a car by themselves, go on a vacation and generally enjoy life. Also, some women can buy a house with their partner and furnish it nicely, while I'm stuck renting in an almost empty apartment (I've moved in a month ago and can't really afford to buy all the furniture at once) and I really can't imagine buying a property ever, it's like an unattainable dream (esp. with the current prices).
I'm aware that many women are in abusive relationships they can't get out of because of the mortgage, etc., but the women I know seem to be quite happy with their partners/husbands who treat them well and help them with the chores, so I admit I'm a bit jealous of them.
What are your opinions on this topic?
I lived with a LVM for three years pre-FDS. He was laid off soon after we moved in together, he never really tried to get another job, and he didn’t pay a cent of rent. I ended up subsidizing him until I finally worked up the courage to dump him and move out.
It is SO hard to leave a relationship when you live with a man, no matter how bad the relationship is in other ways, even if the man isn’t financially helpful, never mind if you become financially dependent on him!
And living together is no guarantee that he will pay his fair share, be neat and clean in your shared home, and not abuse or r*pe you behind closed doors.
Living alone is a financial challenge, it absolutely is. If it’s too difficult, I’ve seen having one trusted female roommate be a feasible option. But solving a problem by relying on a man, especially just a boyfriend, is never a safe idea.
If you lived with a man you will have the same problems you had with your roommates and even less free time. Imagine having a roommate who demands you cook for him and doesn't let you study because he wants to get his dix sucked.
This is one of the strongest social pressures for women to move in with men, supposedly more stable and private than with roommates. The partnered woman who looks like she’s living the high life has probably had to make many unsatisfactory compromises. Maybe she’s doing all the childcare and housework on top of a full time job. Oddly, when married I found I had LESS disposable income as reality was that I was subsidizing my husband’s lifestyle.
You never know what's going on in a relationship behind closed doors, so many of those happy couples seemingly living the perfect life may not be so happy after all. But that's the obvious.
Of course life as a single person is more expensive than sharing expenses with someone else, be it a partner, room mate or family member. You may spend less on food or electricity, but the apartment itself and expenses like heating stay the same whether it's one person living there or more.
It sounds like you are already living pretty frugally, so if you can't lower your expenses without comprimising your quality of life, the only way to build wealth is to increase you income (getting a better job, starting a side business, investing etc.). And you're working on that, so you're doing great. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts if you don't marry rich, come from a well-off family or win the lottery.
They might be being helped financially but trust me they are paying in other ways.
NEVER again will I depend on a man for housing or finances.
It might not feel like it, OP, but you have it really good. You're not financially or legally dependent on anyone, and your job/education prospects will improve. You're probably better off than 90% of women in the first world, and this isn't even counting women in the second and third worlds.
You can feel all the envy/jealousy you want, but keep in mind many women who seem to be in HV relationships are not in HV relationships at all--or, even if their marriages are HV, their partners would not be compatible with you.
If you want to find an HV husband, the world is your oyster. Nothing is holding you back.
Again, I think you're doing pretty well in life. Don't let a scrote ruin what you have.
Living with parents is a cheat code. Splitting costs ans chores.
How nice it would be to trust someone enough to rely on them and share the load I think of it often. As far the housing, it’s taken me 10+ years to build my home but it’s flown by.I too am studying and will be for a while to better my career. We got this and good luck on your journey x
Not everyone is as comfortable as I am with being functionally homelessness, but if I were in your situation , I would be like those working people who live out of a van and a storage unit , then save as much money as they can so they can later move into a place with extra space to make money on air bnb or something like that. If I could save the money to rent a home for myself that has decent parking or a backyard , I would still live in a mobile van or mobile tiny house unit on the property and rent out the home itself full time until I got myself financially comfortable .
I have on purpose never lived with a man. I own a single family home and a condo in a VHCOL, have a very healthy retirement account, savings, and am paying for a graduate degree.
None of that would be possible if I bought into the falsehood that subsidizing a man's cost of living was somehow beneficial for me.
Heed the warnings from those who have been blinded by this fraud. See my success story for having avoided it. Don't do it. Get a roommate or a renter or just a part-time second job if you need the financial help.
Find yourself a female friend or a roommate to split with than being with an LVM that can ruin your life