Thinking about quitting therapy ?

Yeah, if you feel like this isn't working out for you anymore or that you've outgrown your therapist, it's time to move on. It's a bit like breaking up and it is very awkward to tell your therapist that you're thinking of dropping them, but it's for the best. A lot of therapists and counselors aren't exactly the most FDS-aligned when it comes to women's desires for a healthy romantic relationship, so I know how hard this feels.

I had a somewhat similar experience in therapy. I met a guy a couple months into seeing a therapist (pre FDS). I was kind of interested in him (I was mostly being a pickme). But I soon found out the dude was a video gamer, and I was very cautious about getting involved with another gamer after a previous relationship with one. So I told my therapist about this new guy and my reservations about his hobbies, and she basically told me, well, how do you know that all gamers are the same? So I guess that line of thinking made me give him a chance. Turned into a 6 month situationship. I discovered FDS during that time and, although his gaming didn't "get in the way" of our relationship or anything, I did come to realize the dude didn't actually respect me and that he hated women. So I do kind of blame my therapist for my decision to pursue him. But I guess I did learn that in the future, I will stick to my no-gamer rule. Remember, therapists can be pick-me's too!

We should do things that work for us. I did therapy for years and it didn't work for me so I will not advocate it. I have gotten way more help from FDS and YouTube hypergamy, etiquette and narc education channels....

Therapy is so popular in America because there has been significant social erosion and there is a loneliness epidemic. It is not a panacea but people suggest it like it is one...

Also, like any field there are some people that are amazing, some mediocre and some bad. But I have had overwhelmingly bad experiences...

| Can therapy do more harm than good?

yes, definitely.

Some counselors may be helpful only for some topics. Dating is especially tricky as most of mainstream information on relationships (thus therapists) hurts women. Because of that I personally choose wisely who I want to discuss those matters with. I've had similar experiences as you that did not help me.

I’d like to give a shout-out to my therapist, who is a trauma specialist. ❤️ She would encourage me to “block/delete” back in my pick-me days and help me think through why I continued seeing LVM/NVM. It took me years to stop seeking validation from relationships with men, and I am so grateful she always supported me - even when I made the same bad choices again and again! She helped me practice setting boundaries, become happy/comfortable without a man, and understand my value.

I was a serious pick-me and now I have a ton of compassion for women who are still stuck there. There is so much brainwashing and minimizing of our value as women - it’s painful. Now I am my own “white knight,” and if someone fabulous comes along, great! But I’m no longer desperate for a man to show me that I matter. I love myself.

She’s also a huge proponent of self care, and was kind & patient with me as I leveled up. We mostly dealt with my childhood trauma, but of course all that crap affected my attitudes toward men and my dating life. Btw There’s a great book “Self Compassion” by Kristin Neff if anyone is interested. She also has free self compassion meditations on her website - they helped me a lot.

I am so grateful to my therapist! I’ve pretty much outgrown her (which was the goal), and only see her from time to time if there is a particular challenge I’m struggling with. Working with her, changed my life. 😊

I hope you ladies find someone awesome like my therapist - if you’re looking - and get the support you need. 💕 The right therapist + your hard work (because it was HARD WORK!) = new life new peace.

The fact that you've been seeing this therapist for 7 years tells me it's time you moved on. When I start with a new client I keep the ending in mind; we need to working together towards a place where the client doesn't need my services anymore. They might come back for therapy in the future because life happens, but no one should need therapy all the time.

I also question the meds - are you're on them for anxiety and depression? I use the analogy of painkillers with antidepressants: you take them when you leg is broken, and they allow you to engage with the life and the physiotherapy more, but then you come off them. The work is being done so you don't need to numb the pain anymore. Or at least that's the idea. They aren't supposed to be permanent. What is in your life, when you aren't in a bad relationship, that is the root of the anxiety and depression? It seems like your therapist hasn't helped you find this out.

Therapy with the wrong therapist can definitely do more harm than good.

I give advice on how to communicate verbally - sometimes it's useful. It can be applied in all aspects of life, beyond dating, and some people need a way to state their needs without apportioning blame. But remember that everything you do is communication; silence, pulling faces, the clothes you wear, the colour of eyeshadow you chose this morning, your actions. If the other party ain't listening you can state your needs until you're blue in the face: nothing will change. There is no magical combination of words that will make a person suddenly understand your needs. Communication techniques require that both parties are acting in good faith.

To be honest, what often comes up when counselling women is working on boundaries.

There’s a reason that wonderful classic book THE RULES by Fein & Schneider advises not to tell your therapist you’re doing The Rules. I’m close friends with 3 therapists. All of them give that stupid advice to COmMunIcATe. They mean well, but I wouldn’t want to be in any of their personal romantic relationships ever!

You go to therapy to work on YOU primarily. Toss dating and all that out the window for now. If you think you want to try and work on different angles in your life with your therapist, do that. If you think a new therapist might be better, do that. Try other avenues before quitting altogether. You can quit if you feel everything is truly resolved. And if you need to go back, you can always do that.

Some therapists aren't a good fit. I went years before finding one that was. Doesn't mean they are bad at their job (although as with any profession, some are) but that their background, education, and experience doesn't align with what you need.

We always say here: "he doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs a therapist". That's true of a lot of women, too. I was one of those. I still am, really.

"Life coaches" are just people who pretend to be therapists, but have no real qualifications. Don't do it. It's a scam. See an actual professional if you're going to pay for help.

Can therapy do more harm than good? ABSOLUTELY. I’m sure there are good therapists out there but I’ve never found one. Therapy did me a lot of harm. I’m honestly not sure about your specific situation-but think of it this way: you can always try going without therapy for x amount of time and see how you feel. You can always go back (with your current therapist or a new one) if you want.

Omg... this is like reading my own thoughts... I have been in therapy for 3 years. And after finding out about FDS, reading the handbook, reading Lundy Bancroft, the power of the pussy, Pete Walker - Complex PTSD, etc (and MANY other books). My anxiety and depression is almost gone. Because all of my thoughts, feelings, and fears have been validated. I feel through therapy that we have worked on living with anxiety, an minimizing my fear, trying to change my thoughts. A therapy session could be about me describing an incident that I felt was horrible, where I felt stomped and pissed on - and the therapy would be about my feelings regarding that incident and how to work through it, and seeing other ways and having different perspective. You know, maybe it wasnt that bad? Maybe I am catastrophizing. Therapy got me wondering, why am I so angry? We worked on my feelings regarding men, how to trust them again etc... No wonder I was angry, there are men out there degrading and trying to take advantage of you all the time. I have worked with this for so long. And yes, I felt like I was handling it better, but it was minimal change. You know why? Because my feeling were real, my assumptions were real. How the fuck I am supposed to go on a date and try to trust that man? Fuck no! Also that, "communcation", "Did you tell him how you feel? You need to put yourself on line more." Blah blah blah.

Nah, I am quitting therapy. FDS has done more for me than any therapist has.

However, I do still believe that therapist can contribute to better mental health, but for me, the biggest problem is men, and relation to them. So therapy cant help me anymore. I my case, I might think it did more harm than good. Not quite sure, but...

Question back, is there a FDS life coach?

Therapist tell victims to rape to forgive their rapist (whether the rapist asks for forgiveness or not is irrelevant to them) so I dont really like them in practice. Most of them are male identified, but I'm sure there are some fds ladies who are therapist out there.