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Some disclaimers before I begin:
• I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and PMDD and know that weed helps some fellow sufferers;
• This is NOT a cannabis demonization post (really).
I quit cannabis this year. I was never "hooked"; it first started as something social, special, even rare. I don't have an addictive personality, cannot tolerate "foreign" substances (I don't even take pain meds), but an occasional puff with friends was what it was.
Then I moved to NYC! Weed is embedded into the social and psychological fabric of the city in incalculable ways (they even made a show about it, HIGH MAINTENANCE). I had never bought weed or smoked alone before moving here.
Gradually, it became a weekend habit. I loved the relaxation effects. It was a nice after-work Friday/Saturday reprieve. It helped soothe menstrual cramps. It even gave me great artistic "downloads" and had a part in my creative process from time to time. But gradually I found myself reaching for it more consistently.
Then I dated someone who essentially ran on weed. I couldn't tell in the beginning and he hid it pretty well. But his "generosity" started to weave its way into my home and life. He constantly supplied me with weed (which I barely smoked without him around). I just started to get the feeling that this guy needed weed to function: in life, undiagnosed ADHD, or whatever the hell he had going on.
We broke up (I wrote a victory post about it here) but I still kept some cannabis around. I tried unsuccessfully to stop buying it. My period would roll around and having a safe, high-quality supply of my own for cramps was better than the questionable pre-rolls they sell at NYC bodegas (eww).
Here's the kicking kicker: I just wanted to kick this little habit for good. I don't like vices (coffee remains an exception) and cannabis for all its healing powers felt like a downer to my rising inner energy and clearer aura. It got in the way of my leveling up, it wasn't in line with the woman I wanted to be, and I knew myself enough to know that keeping "just a little" around wouldn't cut it; so I decided to quit cold turkey.
Here's what's happened since:
• No more night munchies, or overeating. I have a baseline average appetite and I'm not a binging or disordered eater, but I felt that it stimulated my appetite in unnatural ways. Flat stomach for days now.
• More money in my pocket. I used to buy high-quality cannabis (in small amounts) that cost bank; that little fund can now be used to save or invest.
• No more worrying about future lung cell damage.
• More spiritual clarity knowing I am not engaged in an altered state. I'm not moralistic about this but I can tell I feel better in an ineffable way.
• Better sleep hygiene. Cannabis at night would give me a weird feeling the next morning, almost like a hangover (I don't drink). This improvement is still developing because I'm high-energy and it can take awhile to sleep, but I don't have to fool myself that it can help.
• Better mental agility.
• More to be seen / reported.
On the other hand: I have never found anything more effective at treating menstrual discomfort and pain. Some friends still advocate for edibles but I'm pretty black-and-white about stuff like this, and no potential benefit has outweighed my decision.
I know this is a delicate topic and I don't believe moralizing helps at all. But I'm proud of this small feat. It makes me feel decisive and in charge. And if and when I date again it will be with stark clarity and perspicacious vision.
Congrats, Queen! I'm a former pothead myself. For me, it was absolutely an addiction- I smoked first thing in the morning and all throughout the day. Leaving it behind was difficult, but I love who I am so much more now. I was in line at a store recently and the girl in front of me reeked of it. I can't believe I ever walked around smelling like a skunk! If course, I'd spritz some perfume and think I was fooling the world, but I'm sure I wasn't.
For me, being a HVW is all about discipline and self control. I can't have either of those things with weed.
I had the same experience with alcohol. The sober mind can be harsher to deal with, that's why we numb in the first place, but in the end, it's just a more "full" way of living, for lack of a better term.
I’m working on at least taking a long break now because I recognized that I was using it too much and that I was using it to dull out my brain, which is still processing trauma and can feel a little raw when sober. I know it will be difficult because I don’t really drink so this will mean I am full sober 100% of the time, but I think it might be what’s best for me right now as I heal.
For cramps, I benefitted from taking ginger throughout the month and specifically the week before my menses, and from raspberry leaf tea (not raspberry tea) just before and during cramps. Good luck! I know it sucks and I’m sorry you have bad cramps too.
It didn’t help with your CPTSD? It helps me so much when I am disconnected from myself. But like you, it becomes a habit so easily. I feel really guilty, I want to give it up too!
Thankyou for sharing!
Good for you!
I haven’t smoked in decades, last time I had a trial smoke in my early 20s my paranoia was off the charts and I just can’t do it anymore.
But as an insomniac, I really wish I could bring myself to try again 😂 it could be better than the pharmaceutical alternatives.
Pothead boyfs suck. I had one for too many years and swore off them forever haha. My husband doesn’t touch the stuff either, but would support me if I decided to use it medicinally for sleeping.
Re period pain: if smoking helps you, then do it. It’s a puritanical idea that we should suffer unnecessarily. I speak here as a person with chronic pain and fatigue.