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I don't drink alcohol and I don't take any drugs (not even weed). I don't have any issues with addictions, I'm just in general not interested in drinking/drug culture. I would like to find a man who feels the same way about this topic. But I feel like I am being unrealistic here. It seems like men who feel this way are usually forced to this lifestyle, because they struggled with addictions in the past. I don't want to date a man who's sober, because of addiction issues. I just think that means he probably replaced his drinking/drug addiction with something else.
So I guess I would like to know what you think... Am I too extreme? Should I be more okay with a dating partner who occasionally drinks and uses drugs?
In the past I've always been with men who acted like they were totally on the same page as me, but then they would secretly get wasted on alcohol and drugs. 🙄
That’s a hell no for me. I know so many men who don’t drink alcohol or take drugs. You are definitely not extreme and don’t lower your standards for anyone. Just make sure you vet properly. Alcohol, porn, smoking, vaping, drugs, weed, bla bla bla = deal breakers
There’s loads of people out there who are not into drugs or alcohol. I don’t mind a social drink or a nice unwinding drink occasionally, but I loathe drinking culture and covert alcoholism. I also hate cannabis and how most weed smokers make it their entire personality. I could not give a flying fuck if people don’t like my standards. People who don’t like my standards are exactly the people I am trying to avoid. That’s great! I love it when the trash takes itself out 🥰 Don’t lower your standards. And don’t self-gaslight by telling yourself you should like it. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. Call a spade a spade, and don’t force yourself to believe otherwise. Before getting into dating, you need to learn to stop giving a fuck about people’s opinions of your standards and boundaries. That’s like FDS101. I think people’s standards also lower or they begin questioning themselves depending on their social circle. Online and offline. If your friends are mostly drug friendly, then your values simply do not align and you need new friends. If you frequent pro-drug forums/websites, you’re in the wrong place and are likely going to get unfavourable responses. Find your people. It takes time, but you’ll get there.
You’re not too extreme. I also don’t drink or smoke weed. I actually never smoked anything in my life from vapes to weed. I’d prefer someone who is also drug free. Never lower your standards
My personal rule is no potheads. I’m ok with occasional other things and cheerful drinking… but it took me a long time to find a man who fitted all my criteria. Pre FDS this was: - employed and employable - reads books - funny, kind, generous - no video games - no pot/addiction issues -no musos Luckily I found a good man by sticking to my standards.
Edit to add: no cigarette smokers either, I don't smoke and don't want to kiss anyone who does.
Look into the straight edge scene. They don't do drugs. Some of them are extreme douches, but most of them are really easy to get along. Also guys who are into sports sometimes don't do drugs because it will negatively affect their training schedule.
I also would strongly prefer a partner who doesn't drink (or do other drugs, but I'm particularly averse to drinking). Like look at this shit:
^The fact that this is a thing but people still choose to drink shows you our society is built on the normalization of alcohol.
I've never been able to find a man who doesn't drink and also isn't religious. Unfortunately the two seem to go together. I've met tons of women who don't drink for health reasons - men really have such a wide range of acceptable choices.
For me, it depends what they use it for. Someone who uses weed for creativity or sleep is different than someone who wants to be high to do basic tasks. The problem with weed is that it makes you ok with doing nothing. For some folks, that's a blessing, but for others, that's the issue.
Not extreme in the slightest, I would say that’s a pretty normal request.
Extreme is good! Never lower your standards! The lioness does not lower herself to fit in with lambs and you shouldn't either. Nothing wrong with wanting what you desire. I never did drugs/drank either.
Try testing them by saying you "enjoy a drink and the odd toke" and if they agree with you, they've outed themselves. And a HVM would simply be honest and not mirror you.
No, you are not being extreme. You have the right to any standard. My own brother is tee-total, simply by choice. He has never even tried alcohol, out of the idea that he doesn't want to take in a substance that might cause him to have poor judgement.
Drinking, drug, smoking, and party culture is much more common when you’re young and there’s a lot of peer pressure for young men to participate. It can be very toxic for the men and dangerous for the women involved because party culture is parallel to rape culture. As we age, party culture becomes less common with our peers. Ppl start valuing good sleep and not having hangovers.
If you don’t participate then you need to date men who also don’t participate in party culture. Someone with healthy hobbies and someone focused on career building. Someone whose parents and friends aren’t alcoholics. It’s okay to have standards and stick to them. It’s not unrealistic. When people say things like that, it means your sobriety makes them feel like they are lushes and druggies and their guilt and cognitive dissonance is their problem —not yours.
Drink and drugs culture is also not for me. I know more women who don’t drink and do drugs compared to men. The men I do know that abstain are religious. I agree with someone else on here when they say that guys who have training schedules typically don’t drink.
I do wish that alcohol and drugs weren’t so ingrained into our society. My own in-laws drink so much. They woulddrink at the opening of an envelope. I do wonder how they get anything done!
No alcohol/drug use is a completely reasonable standard to have. I even know some LVM without addiction history who don't or rarely drink. It's not a big achievement that's only reserved for the most enlightened people.
I'm also the same. No drinks no drugs or cigs. Except a drink once in a blue moon. I know only one man who does not indulge in either by choice. He has tried all of those once and decided by himself that it is.not.for.him even on rare occassions. He is very open to others drinking and smoking theway they want. Just not his cup of tea in a very peaceful way. I'm sure there are more like him in this world, just not too common.
it’s nasty when men vape so i feel you. i used to smoke from time to time but men that smoke weed all the time aren’t worth my time. let alone other drugs
The no drugs is pretty easy. Just find a guy in construction. They're subject to piss tests. Now alcohol might be harder. I've yet to meet a man who doesn't drink, because he just doesn't want to. Usually he's an alcoholic and cannot drink. Then that might be a problem for me, because I like to have a glass of wine for special occasions like my birthday or Christmas. I've never been a big drinker, but I've been known to have a glass of wine or champagne on special occasions. I don't think I'd want a teetotaler in my life getting mad at me for the occasional glass of wine.
If *you* can do it, then why can't he?