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Writing this cause I saw a post in a mental health subreddit of someone saying that they dated a guy that was already married which children. The man ghosted them when the op didn't want a threesome.
The op then said that they knew it was wrong but they did it because they were lonely and felt like they were going to spend the rest of their life with this man.
I felt this so hard. I never dated married men or anyone with children cause that's an instant ick for me. But I have gone into situations that I knew were terrible for me just because I was lonely.
Men really are like sharks and they smell desperation. That's why I'm glad fds promoted leveling up your life and loving your own company so much that you don't care whether you're single or not.
Right now, I don't really care about dating. I mostly rage about men because of the horrible things they do, but I don't really care for dating. Sometime I feel pangs of anger and wanting revenge because I got played by a scrote.
But that's it. That's just my ego talking. Which is another point. Please avoid making terrible decisions because of your ego. I know a few women who don't want to get divorced from abusive scrotes because they don't want to feel like a failure or like they're unwanted.
I truly believe that one of the most important skills to develop is coping with loneliness. It's hard and it can be brutal to be alone. I've been alone much of my life. But every time I got involved with men because of my loneliness, I have endured some of the worst pain I've ever known. It was not worth it. I got nothing of value from these cretins. My light was dimmed and I've had to crawl out of a hole multiple times.
Deal with the loneliness better. It's imperative. Read books, learn new things, watch documentaries, listen to audiobooks, tap into your creativity, join online communities and get active or join irl ones if that's an option. Just being on this forum gives me a small sense of purpose. Connecting with other women can reduce loneliness. Get a pet.
Put your love somewhere other than men. Men will not take away your loneliness. Often, they only increase it.
I agree! Loneliness can get you into hot water. Also, if you are trying to match up to a narrative or picture of your life (sometimes while not even being totally aware of it)... you can get into trouble there, too. For instance, I kept trying to create a "relationship" out of ... well, not exactly out of thin air, but out of situations that were certainly NOT relationship-material. I had to back off and take some time to myself, and answer some hard questions.... what narrative was I trying to match up with? Was it "to be with someone" and if so, were there other narratives I could try to achieve that would be even better? (spoiler alert: YES, THERE WERE!)
I know this all sounds super-obvious in retrospect, but I was just out of decades of trauma, so I try not to be too hard on myself. Therapy helped, too.
wise words, sister!
>I have gone into situations that I knew were terrible for me just because I was lonely.
me too. i mean, is there a woman who has never done that? i doubt it. if you don't know how to deal with lonelyness and how to apreciate it, it becomes a trap.
This is very good advice. Do NOT date if you feel lonely. You should instead build a life you want with a carefully curated support system that meet your social needs and also get comfortable with loneliness, which is a very human feeling that everyone faces, regardless of their relationship status.