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I drank so I could loosen up around people (mainly men) when I should have asked myself, “What is it about them that makes me uncomfortable?”
Sometimes it loosened me up too much and I ended up sleeping with men I never would have given the time of day, had I been sober.
Sometimes it led to full-blown relationships. One time it led to a marriage with children.
I wasn’t the typical alcoholic- I could go many days without drinking. I drank with a purpose: to be someone I felt was a better version of me. Someone who was louder, bolder, uninhibited. I never stopped to think that that version of me actually sucked.
I’ve been single and not dating for 4 years now. There simply hasn’t been one single guy I’ve had the desire to date. So at least I’ve abandoned my party-girl ways.
Mommy Wine Culture has entered the chat...
FFS. What started as a glass of wine here and there morphed into an entire bottle once a week. And I rationalized the heck out of that. I mean, it’s just wine! And the children are already in bed. And I deserve it!
Deserve what? The weight gain from extra calories? The guilt when the kids ask questions, like, “Isn’t that empty bottle the one you bought last night?” The waking up at 3 a.m. parched and with a throbbing headache?
As much as we talk about scrotes on here, I do believe there are HVM out there, and I know in my heart that I will not find one if I am not a HVW myself. That means being a mom who is fully present for her children. It means taking care of my body and being able to say no.
I bought a gym membership for my kids and myself. $80 a month- ouch! But that’s $80 for something that all 3 of us can enjoy, and guess what? It’s less than I would spend on alcohol and gourmet coffees each month (another thing I’m giving up).
Our society has fed us so many lies, and I believe alcohol is one of the worst. If you are struggling, please know that you are not alone and you can do this.
Happy New Year to all you Queens! Let's make 2023 a good one.
Thank you for this post, and congrats on levelling up. I believe many women are self medicating, particularly with alcohol, to ease the stress, pain, loneliness and mental health issues caused by this constant battle of living in a patriarchy. I was one of them. One morning in 2019, after a night of heaving drinking, a horrible Tinder date, and getting drawn back into an argument with my ex, I realized that I could not heal unless my mind was clear enough to make good choices. I quit drinking that day, and haven't touched alcohol since. It has changed everything for me.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It is certainly not easy to admit unhealthy past behaviors. I used to use marijuana (introduced by my ex scrote) to relax, but eventually it stopped having the same effect. Andrew Huberman has really great explanations of dopamine, why we seek it, and how things wrong when we reinforce the addictive cycle.
My drinking got out of hand during the pandemic and I took an online quiz about how bad my drinking was. The result came back that I am on my way into becoming an alcoholic if I don't cease, and that scared me. Alcoholism runs in my family, so it's important for me to pace myself. My parents also love wine a lot and can go through bottles like it's nothing.
I think I'll make tonight my last night to flip open the cork, so to speak, and enter 2023 alcohol free. I have to be careful due to my chronic illnesses, anyway, so pouring beer on it is only going to make it worse for me. I'd rather spend money on healthier habits, like organic food and traveling abroad. If a man wants to serve a glass of expensive wine just to spoil me, sure, I'll take some sips. But I'm not going to keep buying myself bottles every week just to unwind during the weekend.
Real talk!! Happy for your positive choices. I am going through the same realization. I went through a decade of partying and nonsense and am currently 52 days sober. The clarity is astounding, terrifying and motivating. The normalization of alcohol abuse on our society is a real problem.
I did the exact same thing as you, drank around men and slept with LV people because that is what I was. Alcohol truly distorts our reality and I'm ashamed I spent so much time drinking. I just ended an awful short lived relationship with an alcoholic and am just filled with shame. However I am so happy to be moving forward now and doing the actual healing work required to live a fulfilling life. Single or not.
Time for a total rehaul in 2023.
Happy New Year lovely ladies!
Thank you for this post and the reminder to cultivate healthier habits. For me, it's food. I go to it for comfort and to numb myself by overeating. It's been sneaking up on me again. But 2023 is a new start. Every day is a new day. We can always begin again and wipe the slate clean. We must remember our worth and how special and beautiful we are. I am proud of you for identifying the problem and taking action to address it. You are doing great.
Thank you so much for your post. And great job reaching a conclusion that supports your level up journey!! 👑✨️ I used to drink alcohol in similar ways as well for similar reasons. And I also reached a point where I naturally decided to stop. After staying dry for a year I resumed for a year. And then proceeded to have another dry year. Now I drink once in a blue moon if I'm with amazing company (usually one.of my close friends) or alone, if I come across any type of alcohol or brand that I haven't tried yet. It's strictly 2 units at most. And I truly, deeply enjoy it with a meal and a book :) Getting rid of the habit helps on a level that can only be described through the results that one enjoys of such a decision. ❤️ Stay blessed. Happy new year 🌺
Happy new year to you too! Thanks for sharing about your level up journey❤️ Personal awareness + accountability will make HVW out of all of us.
Congrats!!! I love this post.
Recovering weed addict here... It's very freeing to have so much more cognitive energy to devote to the things you care about. It was nice to force myself to not give a shit, but honestly, giving a shit in life is required and if you just go through it trying to numb yourself you're gonna miss out on all of it before you know it. I hope you and your kids have fun at the gym. 🥰
I’m starting 2023 with 7 months without alcohol, waking up tomorrow and NOT being hungover is going to be amazing 🤩
It’s fantastic that you came to this realization so you can avoid this from happening again. I’ve never been into alcohol and whenever men asked me what do I want to drink, I always just say water. I’m not interested in alcohol not just for religious reasons but because it’s horrible for your health and your skin. It clouds your judgement.
I always joke that even the best drink is just expensive pee in the end. I still enjoy casual drinking but I do feel it makes you endure situations and people you otherwise wouldn't have entertained. And it's just too easy to numb uncomfortable emotions. I've been a lot more mindful about alcohol this past year and I definitely don't miss it.
i understand doing things to try to put yourself out there. i used to crave male attention but i realized it’s not worth it