What does healthy HV sexuality look like? (Men and women)

My idea of healthy sexuality is being present in the moment and not dependent on fantasy. Free of degradation. Healthy sexuality can include urges or temptation when you’re exposed to something sexual, but that doesn’t mean you should give in. Developing sexuality that includes practicing some self discipline and is centered on you and your partner will bring you closer together. I think ideally we should have the discipline to switch gears when our partner says “not tonight”.

Sex is to be had only when the woman really really want to. Sex should safe and respectful. If you feel like you're vulnerable than the guy during sex stop it immediately.

1) To find them attractive? Yes. But to get wet just by seeing someone fully clothed walk by? Not really. They’d have to be doing something sexy which I can’t really think of anything sexy someone does on the street. Other than a guy, slightly glistening with sweat, running by shirtless so you can see his muscles and yeah. That would be hot. Lol. 2) Sexual fantasies are very normal and healthy, especially in a relationship. You want to be aroused by your partner and find them sexy. It’s good to fantasize about being sexual with them. But if you’re like in a meeting and you’re getting flushed thinking about dirty things you’d like to do to your boyfriend? That’s weird. There’s a time and a place. Perpetually horny ppl are creepy, save the fantasizing for when you aren’t in public. 3) Finding someone attractive doesn’t automatically mean the man has a porn-brain, but if his first instinct is to wank when he sees a bikini I’m gonna say that’s porn brain. My exes never really wanted to watch sex scenes? We bonded in that way and we’d just skip em cuz they were stupid and, “that’s not how you really have sex.” So. I’m not sure what the HV response is? I never really watched media that had fan service or a bunch of sex or sexually charged stuff. I guess it’s best if the guys don’t, too. 4) Sure, but the same can be said for women. I’ve been tempted to cheat, but just because there is temptation doesn’t mean you do it. I always rejected guys who made advances while I was in a relationship and I never cheated. Were some dudes hotter? Sure. Taller? Sure. Richer? Sure. But who cares? I loved my bf and if I genuinely felt like the other guy would have been better I’d have dumped my bf and THEN pursued something. Temptations don’t mean anything unless the guy’s a cheater. And if he’s a cheater than he’s not a HVM. 5) It is possible to get desensitized. Just refrain from masturbating for a week or two and you should be fine. I don’t use toys, so I’m not sure how they impact sex life, but if the guy can’t make you orgasm that sounds like a negative impact. I’d make sure it’s the vibrator and not the man tho. 6) They should be fine with it. Yup, it’s normal to excuse yourself to masturbate if your partner isn’t up for it. That’s what I do if my guy isn’t in the mood. Then again, I can’t say the same bc hearing me masturbate gets him in the mood. So like. Lol. It’s very rare we don’t have sex when I want to have sex, but if I’m not into it there’s really nothing he can do to get me into it. Hearing him masturbate doesn’t do anything for me.

1) Is it "normal"? Eh, it depends. I'm sure everyone gets lustful thoughts every now and then, but if (like me) you're walking around turned on 90% of the time it's not normal. But that doesn't mean it's unhealthy. If it's not interfering with your ability to function it may be uncomfortable but it's not pathological.

2) Fantasies are good for you! As long as you're not lost in fantasy all the time and can recognize reality you'll be ok.

3) Male arousal is uninteresting to me. It's often inappropriate and gross, and it's unfairly normalized at the expense of women. I would say modern ideas of male arousal are pathological.

4) No. Men need to grow up.

5) It's possible to get addicted to anything, but unless you have a history of addiction I wouldn't worry too much. If it's a particularly powerful vibrator you may become somewhat desensitized to vibrations, but normal sex shouldn't be affected. Unless you have one of those ridiculous ones that feel like they run on diesel. If you notice any changes in sensitivity taking a break from it or using it less will be enough for you to get back to normal.

6) Sure I guess. I'd say it depends on your relationship, but that seems the most appropriate to me.

• Is it normal to be aroused by others you see on the street?

It's a strong word...attracted to perhaps. The key is, are you still perfectly happy to go home to the one you love?

• What about having sexual fantasies/thoughts (non porn-y ones)? Is this ok?

um, of course it's ok. Nothing that could harm you or others, but be warned ladies, there are some that you should not share with men lest they get the wrong idea (bi ladies know what I'm talking about)

• What about male arousal? Women are constantly sexualised in media. Would a HVM get aroused to this exposure, or is it a sign of porn brain?

Doesn't porn brain lower arousal? i.e. they are overexposed to imagery, so become dependent on porn and can't actually be aroused by a real woman? I mean, if you watch a romantic movie, I think it's normal to enjoy or be inspired by love scenes. If a man can't watch a weather report without commenting on the weathergirl's bust, then he's clearly insane.

• Do you believe that for men, “there is temptation everywhere”?

No. Men are perfectly capable of love and commitment. We can stop drinking at one glass of wine. We don't have to smoke 10 packs of cigarettes in a day. Humans are capable of bonding, and self control. Every action is a choice.

• I love my vibrator, but is it possible to get addicted or for it to create adverse effects on my love life?

Every woman's body is different. Some find it can lower sensation over time, so taking a break can't hurt.

• How should a partner respond if one doesn’t want sex? Is it ok for them to excuse themselves and get themselves off?

Very good question. Depends on the circumstances. Say the woman has recently given birth or the man has broken his pelvis. The other person could in this instance, sort themselves out. If it's just a few days or weeks then I think they could just wait until the other person is ready.

If temptation is everywhere, that guy has got to go.

This is an interesting one. In my pick-me past, I would have said it was okay for a guy to excuse himself and get himself off when he was in the mood and I wasn’t (and it even seemed preferable over pressuring me to participate 😔).

But now, I have a more principled and discerning view of sex. I expect my partner to desire me as a complete individual, not for sexual gratification that my body can provide him. So if he’s horny and I’m not, first of all he’s reading my body language and won’t even try to initiate. Second of all, he’s prioritizing my happiness over his penis, so he will prefer to spend time in other activities together that I feel like doing, rather than leaving me to go jerk off alone.

A HVM does not let his base sex drive override the wants and needs of his partner! He is intuitive, caring, and in control of himself.

• Is it normal to be aroused by others you see on the street?

It is not normal to be aroused by this. You don't know these people and it's pure objectification. It is normal to admire the beauty of strangers, but it should not cause a visceral arousal reaction.

• What about having sexual fantasies (non porn-y ones)? Is this ok? Particularly while in relationships

Sexual fantasies are fine, especially if they're about your partner. If you are having sexual fantasies about real life people that aren't your partner, I would take that as a sign to revaluate your relationship and whether it is meeting your needs. Fantasies about fictional/Hollywood people are fine even if you are in a relationship.

• What about male arousal? Women are constantly sexualised in media. Would a HVM get aroused to this exposure, or is it a sign of porn brain?

An HVM would try to ignore the objectification of women in the media and may even feel uncomfortable or disgusted by it. He may glance at her body, but will avoid imagining sex with this image or launching into a fantasy about this image. He won't be perfect, but the intent will be there.

• Do you believe that for men, “there is temptation everywhere”?

Woman are objectively better looking than men. However in a relationship, an HVM will have eyes for you only. He may glance at beauty, but knows the value of your relationship and won't entertain the idea of approaching her.

• I love my vibrator, but is it possible to get addicted or for it to create adverse effects on my love life?

Not possible to get addicted to a vibrator unless it you have some kind of addictive mental disorder. Most women say that it doesn't desensitize, but in my personal experience if I used it too much, I had trouble getting myself off with just manual stimulation. So only you will know if it desensitizes you but I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just keep your senses open if you notice something is off.

• How should a partner respond if one doesn’t want sex? Is it ok for them to excuse themselves and get themselves off?

Yes this is fine, but the communication would have to be very respectful. There are definitely men who would use this as a guilt trip which is lv behavior.