.png)
Happy holidays everyone! I read a comment on here a while back that said something like "the goal of FDS is to get off of FDS", that to be a HVW is to no longer need refreshers on handbook principles. I feel like now, more than ever, one of my personal goals is to get offline as much as possible. While I love FDS and the awareness it gave me, I think we are now far past the point of psychoanalyzing content about men from other platforms.
Yes, most men are trash, but continuously adding more proof to the pile has the side effect of reinforcing the belief that you will never find a man. There's a critical phase in pickme recovery where women are reliant on FDS and other radfem resources while they work on deprogramming themselves because mainstream self-improvement is overwhelmingly dominated either by narratives that benefit the patriarchy and vague libfem platitudes.
A self-aware pickme that has not yet accessed FDS/radfem only has the memories of how badly she was treated by scrotes around her and these nebulous messages about "getting a hobby" and "working on herself" from mainstream sources. Because men do not benefit from her recovery, no one is interested in helping her except places like FDS. I think the FDS handbook, FDS-approved literature, and the complete works of Andrea Dworkin provide most, if not all the necessary information for pickmes in recovery.
Recently, a lot of the forum posts I'm seeing are just sharing ragebait content from around the internet made by or about men. I try to only contribute my real-life, in-person experiences as much as possible because I think it helps more newcomers. At some point, it gets not only depressing to look at displays of male depravity, it starts becoming genuinely poisonous. Yes, it is healthy and natural to be afraid of men, but it is not healthy to simultaneously desire a HV partner and be so afraid of men that you hate them. I think for a lot of you, if your perfect HVM just fell out of the sky and you got in a relationship, that would be all you needed to stop going on FDS altogether except to share success stories. This obsession with men on the internet needs to stop.
I want women on FDS to be able to log off! I want you all to not even have time to write posts on here because you're busy living your best life; it's what our past pickme selves deserve and need. There is a huge difference between women supporting each other through recovery on this forum versus continually bringing trash into the house for all of us to look at and agree, once again, that men are horrible/only have the audacity. Information about patriarchy does nothing if we don't take the action OFFLINE to break out of the oppressive systems that have programmed our default methods of thinking about ourselves.
So I ask, what are you doing to get off this forum?
I think we can live our best lives and also be here. I don't know that I'll ever leave here. I'm in my 40s, I think it's important to be inspiration and a good example for younger women who find this space. I'm healthy across the board, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. I'd like to continue to remind women that that kind of life is possible without a man. I do that in person, and right here. 💕
I understand what you mean, I personally see this as space more as a community for me. Finding like minded feminist Women has been so refreshing.
I’m not trying to get off FDS or leave the community. I’ll probally always be in this community. As for male bashing, hahahaha I will always bash them. I don’t think there’s a “male obsession” I would say there’s wayyy more of an obsession with Women in general. The way Men talk about Women is far far worse in comparison to what we post on FDS.
me being a radical feminist I have no desire to date or even be around Men tbh. So I guess me being in this community is not related to dating. However this is the only community where I feel like I’ve found a sisterhood amongst other likeminded women who have decentered men and I’m not leaving that.
This is a bit twisted.
It's normal to need support and a reminder of where you want to be. it's healthy to seek it. "It takes a village". One of the defining factors of early feminism was women coming together and 'raising their consciousness' together by realising all the BS they were experiencing in somewhat-isolation was not unique. Why do you think some of the worst sc rotes in the world are working so hard to isolate women from each other (eg af ganistan where women are not allowed to have their voices heard in public/outside the home. which they would need permission from a male to leave. it's peak control and domination)
One problem, long noted, is the quality of the forums has taken a steep decline, and is full of male depravity and weird low value posts.
The point of FDS is to transform into the HVW you've always been, hold that standard, and engage in HV spaces and with HV people. FDS should ultimately be that (a HV space), in it's ideal form, however it is not really these days, mostly.
Yes, recover, and go forth and live your lives. But a HV woman has a support network and resources. whether FDS forms a part of that, or not, is up to each woman.
Yeah definitely 2 or 3 users here who basically use this forum as their rage diary. It's pretty juvenile.
I don't think it's wise to leave the forum once you find a hvm, as vetting is a lifelong process, and when we're in love we need even more common sense from other wise women. I understand how rage posts are bothersome to some, but we're not all at the same growth level and newbies need to open their eyes. Honestly I don't just hope for FDS to help women find a man, lately I'm finding it more and more important to raise awareness on some topics, push feminism from liberal to radical and so changing "society" too, whatever that means. It's not easy to live with a hvm and yet go to work with lvm and pickmes bosses and colleagues and send children to school with lvm and pickmes and so on. It's short sighted to just watch your dating life, although I understand if one wants to focus on that.
Eh, I think with any public forum, there is a risk of unnecessary posts. I just scroll past a post that I don't think would validate an experience I had, benefit me, or I can contribute to.
For some folks, yes, too much of something can become pathological, but I feel empowered and hopeful coming to FDS. I would be very concerned the day I never go to FDS again because for me it means I've lost my way.
I don't even care to ever date a man, again, but FDS has helped navigate life for me as a woman in a patriarchy even beyond dating. FDS is not the only radfem content I consume, either.
So long as we continue to live under patriarchy, there will always be a need for communities like FDS, and new members will keep appearing. They might need more relevant examples of men's atrocity in the form of rage bait to start raising questions about men in their lives.
At best, rage bait content can keep us updated on the new ways men are trying to shaft us, at worst it can become like an echo chamber so us seasoned members that we don't need anymore.
And that's fine. If it's not for me, I just keep scrolling. Maybe it'll help someone else
When FDS left Reddit, I knew it had to happen, but I still felt so alone. Then I found this place, and even though it’s not as active as the subreddit was, it’s been enough to keep me grounded in a world full of misogyny. At first, I worried I might fall back into my old, unhealthy patterns without FDS. But I didn’t—I’ve been okay. I still read and comment here and there, but FDS has become such a core part of who I am. I couldn’t forget its principles even if I tried.
Great post!
OP I agree with the low effort posts part, especially. I was rereading FDS rules on Reddit and came across reminders and their rules about these. I attached a screenshot. Rage bait about LVM and pickme culture does nothing for us. It really doesn't. Examples of HVM and strong women and their tactics would do more for us all. In fact, I've really grown past a point of ever even wanting to read those posts or opening them. It's a waste of my HV and very precious time and I'm really glad to see I've grown enough to realize that.
I think, personally, I will always need reminders from FDS (especially since I am about to enter dating again), but yes the goal should be to need it less and less until, hopefully, never again. I took a break from dating for like 4 years and loaded up on FDS-style content. My goal is to enter dating again with ALL the armor I will need. I'll know things are going well if I don't spend too much time here. It's a nice gauge in that regard and I'm hoping all this work I've done on myself is about to pay off... honestly, I have a good feeling that it will and I still fully believe that good men exist.
Editing to add: F your downvotes. 🥰 If you want to wallow in filth, have at it. Women levelling up and actually strategizing to gain a better life know it is a waste of time/energy to continuously whine over male depravity. At the end of the day, it is a strategy forum and a forum focused on max female benefit. Whining over males (we all know they are beyond awful) is not a strategy and offers zero benefits to us.
FDS is for me life a warm bath: relaxing to be around like-minded women, and a place to retreat once in a while.
Some days it feels like the whole world hates women, and it’s nice to know there is a community of us who see what’s happening, and we can help each other thrive and grow.
I stay to encourage others, and to remind myself of what’s true. I’m grateful for this community.
I’m older and not currently dating. But when I was younger, I made every pickme mistake in the book. So if I can help even one women avoid the pain of being a pickme, it’s worth it.
NO i want to stay here forever this is my safe place