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Hello.
What type of therapist/therapy is good for working on narcissistic abuse, trauma bonds, codependency, attachment issues?
I'm in the UK. I even work in the mental health field, but don't know where to find a therapist that'll know how to work with the issues above.
I've tried a few different therapists.
What type of therapy should I consider? Or where can I find some recommended therapists?
Edit - personal info removed
I feel your pain. I survived a long abusive relationship with a narcissist, and managed to make a great healing process. A lot of the healing have been alone, and by talking to good friends, but also with a psychodynamic therapist. It's important that therapy (and friends) will:
Be a safe space for you to say anything. Narc abuse leaves the victim hoarding secrets and shame, which should be lifted in a safe environment. Safety first.
Validate your experience as real, and that it wasn't your fault. This is to combat the confusion and shame which you hold for the abuser.
Be consistent. We accept intermittent abuse cycles because we've had a primary caretaker like that. A therapist should have a fixed time for sessions, and be reliable.
For me it was important that the therapist would be radfem-leaning, because I wanted to acknowledge that the abuse was inflicted and enabled by the Patriarchy.
Women survivors not only have PTSD, but are also constantly exposed to further sexual and emotional abuse, en masse. This is not PTSD, this is live trauma.
Take pornography, for example. Porn is a weapon used against women to cement our class as the class of sexual servants to men. Porn was the "inspiration" behind "my" sexual abuse, and yet I have to keep meet its heavy consumers wherever I go.
To find a radfem leaning therapist you'll have to interview her through the phone and ask, for example, what's her take on porn use. "Normal" porn use.
As for regulating your triggers and thoughts, some people say EMDR is helpful. You can also try to create new "pathways" in your brain by remembering that a lot of the thoughts were planted by the abuser. Try to tell yourself "override thought" and replace it with a reframing.
However remember that triggers are a healthy mechanism by a smart and capable body, as they are protecting you! Triggers are not your foes, although we can try and mend them a bit.
Much luck, it'll get better. It's also really nice on the other side.
Have a look on the BACP website. Often what you want from a therapist is simply a good connection - are they the right person for you? Be picky, vet them, and go on the free initial consultations most offer. Treat it just like dating, and trust your instincts.
I'm a little sceptical of psychodynamics. The therapist is supposed to be getting you out of therapy, in the nicest possible way. Like going to a doctor, the purpose of going is to not have to see them again! If you've been going for a year perhaps it's time to evaluate what you're getting out of his practice.