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This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. Let me preface this by saying that I’m not referring to negative emotions that do more damage than good; I’m not a believer of the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mantra, and I’m explicitly not referring to things like chronic stress/illness/injury, trauma, overwhelm, depression or other mental health disorders. Instead, I’m talking about those feelings that are part of even the happiest and most fulfilled lives.
Grief: this is maybe one of the most powerful emotions that exist. There’s a kind of clarity and sense of direction you only get from grief. We only mourn what we miss. To grieve means to love. Grief shows you plainly and clearly what is most important in your life. It is amazing that so many animals with “higher” cognitive function experience grief. It fulfills an important emotional purpose for living beings.
Anxiety: it shows you what you need to protect. For me, it mostly flares up when I haven't been protecting my peace. It can also show you what you’re excited about. You wouldn’t be anxious about the result of a certain endeavor if it didn’t matter to you. Passion and anxiety often go hand in hand.
Cynicism/nihilism: if nothing matters, nothing matters! You can buy that outrageous outfit because you’re just a tiny speck of dust who will be forgotten in the sands of time before too long. Don’t limit your happiness just because it won’t last forever. If it won’t last anyway, there’s no rule that says you can’t enjoy it to the fullest now.
Physical pain: it’s a signal that tells you what you need to take care of. Thank your body for alerting you to problems. Soreness can also be a sign of growth, if you’ve been training a particular part of your body.
Loneliness: it’s an opportunity to connect to yourself and take a look at what has been missing from your life. We tend to look outwards for fulfillment, and loneliness reminds us that it sometimes can’t be found in someone or something else, only in ourselves.
Self-doubt: if it’s not the crippling kind, it can be a healthy reality check for us. We are used to an incredibly fast pace these days, but it pays off to pause for a moment and look at your situation from a distance. Doubt is normal and part of the process because your brain wants to weigh its options. It’s okay. Mull things over. Sleep on it.
I find this kind of reframing to be very important because in my own life, the most positive changes have been brought about by intense periods of sadness and pain. Negative emotions probably drive many of us much more strongly than positive emotions do. And that’s fine. I come from a family where negative feelings were taboo and you always needed a very good reason to be allowed to be sad or angry. I vowed to not live this way. I accept and embrace negative emotions as a necessary part of life. I am a full human being with the complete spectrum of emotions and that’s beautiful. The most impactful moments of our lives often carry a profound sadness, and in my opinion, that doesn’t detract from the joy of new beginnings in the slightest.
One day, when we realize our time is up, we might wish for the opportunity to experience one last “bad day” just so we could live a little more. We might beg our God for a last chance to get our heart broken.
(PS: that last sentence is meant to be taken metaphorically, I’m not saying we’ll miss LVM lol)
Very good post! I would like to add anger. Anger is the boundary emotion. It shows up to protect you.
A wonderful post, as always. I think there is a big shift in your life when you start to listen to your emotions instead of burying, denying, or avoiding them as so many do. When I went through my transformative limerent experience a couple of years ago, it was agonizing but necessary because the pain of it woke me up to what was missing in my life, how little I valued myself, and the terrible path I was on. I started listening to my feelings and investigating the roots of them. It forced me to face things and to make changes. I also felt anger at how I was treated, and I listened to that. Ironically, our negative feelings can lead to positive changes.
This is one of the reasons I really like Cinema Therapy's video on the movie Inside Out (https://youtu.be/vTVQtsIfoo8). So-called "bad" emotions all serve a purpose. Many complex emotions like empathy are based on the ability to feel sad or angry on another person's behalf, and we've all met one of those ✨positive vibes only✨ people that just come off as being self-absorbed, because they're only concerned about their own happiness.
Insightful and full of wisdom.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I really liked seeing some of my own thoughts reflected in your post and others' comments.
Great post. Completely agree. Emotions function as motivation. "Negative" emotions are signals. "Negative" emotions are not a problem, they are alerting us to a problem. The goal is not to reduce negative emotions but to interpret and respond to them in a healthy way. I would also add the emotion disgust. Disgust functions to keep us safe from things that can make us sick. This can be physical, like the desire to get away from something that smells bad and therefore might be infectious, or non-physical, like the desire to not converse with someone who gives you a bad feeling.