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Like a lot of women, I grew up being demeaned every time I complained about bullying/abuse. I was told "don't sweat the small stuff" even when it came to blatant disrespect. The usual gaslighting of "you're too sensitive" blah blah blah.
And now that I'm an adult, I can say that yes, you should care about the "small stuff." Have you ever heard of a sh*t test? That's when people test how much crap you're willing to take from them. That amount should be ZERO. Be willing to die on every hill. If you stand your ground on the molehills, you'll never get to the mountains. People will leave you alone pretty quick once they figure out you won't take anything off them.
My life is literally 10 times better now that I call people on their crap every single time. I know not everyone is capable of asserting themselves (ex: some women are stuck in abusive relationships), but if you feel safe, DO IT. You deserve respect. Others do not have the right to use you as a verbal punching bag for their bad moods.
One example: I don't go out in public with toxic family members anymore. They find passive-aggressive ways to humiliate & patronize me and then make me look like the bad guy when I leave. So I just don't go with them anymore. They've lost that privilege.
Be ruthless in your evaluation of others, and listen to your inner voice above all else. Be "stubborn," "callous," "picky," "judgmental." Let people label you however they want. They're just overgrown toddlers throwing a tantrum because you said no.
Being judgemental is literally a survival mechanism. It allows us to decipher the good from the bad. How can we deem someone a good person not having judged their actions? So sick of being perceived as being bitchy or callous for judging people. People can stand on what they did and said and damn right they should be judged on it!
Some people confuse boundaries with moral judgments (usually the people who don't want you to have any boundaries). If I observe a behavior that's really unacceptable to me, I have the right to remove myself from the person exhibiting this behavior or ask them to stop (if there's a chance they'll listen, which there isn't in many cases). I'm not saying they're definitely a bad person with a bad character (sometimes I am, but not always). You never have to tolerate behavior that harms you, not even from someone you like. People who cross your boundaries will always feel "victimized" when you enforce them though.
Some people will only give you exactly as much respect as you demand from them. They will insult you in an attempt at getting you to rescind your boundaries, but they will respect you for having them. They won't respect you if you don't have strong boundaries.
When you get angry over being disrespected, and someone tells you not to “sweat the small stuff”, they are outright saying that they feel your mental wellbeing is “small stuff”.
I think I need to take some kind of assertiveness class sometimes. I absolutely hate the drama and consequences that have come with standing up for myself at times, and I really hate confrontation and retreat from it. I feel like there have been times that if I really fought for what is right, it may have gotten physical and I may have gotten myself locked up. That may be a result of abusive exes though. I get really adrenaline rushed and at a loss for words at confrontation sometimes or even at disagreements from time to time.
im the same as you as far as cutting people out and avoiding them if they cause me trouble.
just yesterday some scrote kid cut my own daughter in line at an interactive museum exhibit we were standing right in front of and waiting for, I tried to say something to the little boy then his father walks up a few minutes later. I tap the father and say that my daughter has been waiting for this and he had cut us off.
He laughed and turned away from me and his kid took forever of course. I wanted to make a big deal out of it but just had this involuntary shutdown instead. Then was irritated at myself for not standing up for her better. i kind of wish I had the energy and capacity to make a bigger deal of those kinds of things. I’m afraid too of being recorded by someone and being called a Karen out of context for this kind of confrontation.
typical for a dad taking his kid out to be a horrible father and not parent his own son though.
yes! You show people how to treat you.
i’m sick of this “kill them with kindness!” No they’ll just think you’re a sucker and willing to enable more bullshit from them.
you kill them with silence. Block and delete those parasitic people because they do not deserve access to you
That reminds me of men who write "I want a girl who doesn't take herself too seriously" on OLD profiles. At face value, we may know someone who has a healthy sense of humor and can laugh if they make a mistake. But IMO on OLD it sounds like a dogwhistle for "I want a girl who can be my sidekick, doormat, comic relief, bimbo, and essentially throw away everything important to her to focus on me." 🤢You're right, walking away at molehills (red flags) can save so much heartache later on...
I tried following this strategy from the very beginning. It has caused me to be completely friendless and hated by many.... So I don't know what point you are trying to make here.