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If you’re new to the term, I want to start by pointing out that I don’t think righteous anger is a bad thing. You should be angry. Things are fucked up and being angry means you care. But there’s a balance between managing righteous anger and apathy or giving up. I’m starting to explore that balance in my own life.
The number one way I have been managing my righteous anger is exposure. Don’t get me wrong, it is extremely important to be exposed to terrible things in our world. Things like the holocaust museum, realistic curriculum about slavery, or knowing what’s going on with school shootings are important examples of witnessing pain. If we don’t develop that empathy, we could make the same mistakes. Being an informed citizen is an important part of democracy.
But in case no one has told you recently: you are allowed to limit your exposure based on what you can handle at any given time. And there is a LOT to handle when we have the internet on these extremely addictive little devices we have in our pockets. If you find yourself in a constant state of righteous anger to the point that it’s impacting your mental health and your ability to function - it’s time to turn yourself inward and focus on self love. This can be so hard when, especially as women, we are taught to be selfless. How can I think about myself at a time like this?
You have to be selfish in this. Give yourself permission to be selfish. It’s way too easy to become addicted to righteous anger and spiral. It keeps us on our phones, it keeps companies making money, it keeps us miserable. But engaging in anger driven behavior isn’t necessarily the best way for actual change to be made. It is a great way to get compassion fatigue, to get burnt out, and to eventually feel hopeless.
An example I want to give is the Amber Heard case. Normally I’d be fighting scrotes on the internet, ranting to all my friends about it (who probably already agree with me anyways), and spending way too much time reading click baity articles. But what is that going to do? Nothing. Reading some of that stuff is actually perpetuating the harm and helping others profit off her continued abuse. Me being caught up in anger could negatively impact not only me, but my relationships, and my ability to work/volunteer. What can I actually do? Continue my important work in the world. Educate the next generation. Continue to vote with both my ballot and my dollar. Donate to my local womens shelter. Volunteer. How much righteous anger I feel doesn’t actual impact my ability to change the world - my actions do.
Here are some ways I’ve been limiting my exposure to try and manage my righteous anger:
Staying far away from Reddit
Getting off TikTok (that algorithm figured out I like righteous anger way too quickly)
Staying away from 90% of social media
Being deliberate about who and what I will spend my time and energy on
Finding positive habits to fill the holes in my day
Here are some ways I work through my righteous anger when it is getting to me:
Move through it - run if I want to, cry if I can, journal about it, whatever! But I try not to sit in it for days or even hours anymore
Figure out what I can do to make it better other than fighting about it on the internet. Is there a place I can donate too? Someone to vote for? A book I can read to learn more? Is there something I’m already doing? Can I do it more?
Obviously, we all are coming from different places in our lives. If you have the time and energy to educate just your friends, that’s fine. If you can contribute to information on the internet, more power to you. But make sure you are taking breaks in there as well. We can’t pour from empty cups.
Look, this post is long and rambly. It’s late and I’m not quite sure what my point was. I may have made this just because I needed to read it. But if this is clicking with anyone who is on this journey with me, I just want you to read it at least once today: it’s ok to rest. It’s ok to move through the anger and feel happiness again.
i recently deleted FB and IG and Reddit and i feel like Wonder Woman. 😂
When I get angry, I watch comedy
I wish I could like this more than once! Feeling righteous anger is very powerful and we have to remember to channel it towards action or it can get spent on things that don't make a difference.
We have power ladies! Our time, attention, wisdom and money are very valuable.
This is such good advice. I’ve gotten more into twitter since leaving reddit, which in some ways is even worse, because everything moves faster there, so i’m exposed to more information in a shorter time period. I’m finding myself exhausted all the time now, even though i haven’t changes any habits except being online more. I think what i have is outrage exhaustion.
Thank you for your post, I appreciate the constructive advice and actionable tips you’ve given! Was also feeling very upset about the jury’s decision regarding Amber Heard’s case and had to step away from social media to stem the tide of negative emotions.