Resources on Attachment Styles

Though I am glad that people are learning this stuff, I hope that if you read this it doesn't make you give excuses for an avoidant or overly anxious man. Both are low value and you will bend over backwards and receive no reward. Look for secure men regardless of your own attachment style and work on making yours more secure. Secure attachment men do many things we consider HV. He is calm, doesn't read into things and doesn't lose interest quickly or easily. Avoidants usually come in stong but freak out and can't maintain it. If you thought he was HV but now he is ignoring you or is becoming "very busy", you got a ticket to the clown show and it won't get better.

Alan Robarge is fantastic. I only wish he would put out more content. Most other youtubers who claim to know all about attachment styles are gimmicky and not licensed therapists. Rather, they are basically "get your ex back" coaches or try to say "this is why you struggle in your relationships" and put the blame on just one party (usually women). Alan Robarge is the only one I'm aware of who is more realistic and explains attachment from a very logical and psychological standpoint without any judgment. He advocates for standing up for your needs and knowing how to hold firm boundaries. He doesn't suggest, for example, to "stop being needy" because "men don't like neediness" 🙄

I'm avoidant with everyone and it isn't surprising to figure out why. However, men are always trying to make me anxious because they're always affecting avoidant behaviour and then cannot deal with receiving that in turn. It's easy to be avoidant when you don't really care. My feelings and behaviour change with the right people so I can't be out here making excuses for these manchildren.

Certain individuals employ this tactic for manipulation. They categorize your entire mental, physical, and emotional being, using it as a guide to dictate their actions. These men will use phrases such as, "Why do you want going out for dinner and a movie? Your attachment style suggests you prioritize physical touch and quality time, which doesn't necessarily require going out," or "I didn't purchase a Christmas gift for you because your attachment style doesn't revolve around gift-giving."

I can't speak for all Women but I don't fit in a box/category