Reminder: Your time is your own and you don’t owe anyone an explanation

I think everyone has been in that situation before:

Someone asks you if you can do something for them, meet them, volunteer in their organization, come to an event, do unscheduled overtime etc. etc. and you politely say “no”. That should be the end of it but very often it isn’t.

Because they start prying and arguing and demanding to know what could possibly be more important than whatever they want you to do. And god help you if you have nothing else scheduled for that time and dare to just want some free time on your own. If you have nothing else scheduled, you have absolutely no excuse not to do what they want from you, right? You should be grateful they asked you because otherwise you would sit at home all alone! Cue the guilt-trip because the only excuse for not making time for them would be that someone else is already demanding your time.

Wrong. Screw that.

It sounds obvious but it’s something I still sometimes struggle with. People feel so entitled to our time, because especially women obviously should have nothing better to do than spending every free minute of their day helping, working and being present for others and fucking enjoying it. It’s exhausting. It makes me feel like public property.

I already work full-time. I live alone, so all chores and errands including the maintenance of my not so small garden (which I enjoy very much) have to be done by me. I have fitness classes two nights a week. I am already active in a few charities I really believe in. I have pets and friends and family to stay in contact with. I’m on the spectrum so social situations are draining for me in general.

So, yes, I dare to demand a few evenings a week that are just mine. And yes, I’d rather be all alone at home than spend time with you, even if I generally like you.