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I recently broke up with my bf of 5 years and while it was pretty mutual, I'm struggling with the realities of single life and being alone a lot more than I thought I would. Not only am I having a hard time with my finances, I'm just at probably the lowest emotional point of my entire life. Nowhere to go but up, but wow is it a hard slog.
Near the end of our relationship, there was very little love between my ex and I, and unfortunately my stress ended up pushing away my best friend of 20 years, who basically just told me to "get help" and ghosted me instead of offering me any support after my breakup. I do struggle a lot with mental health issues but I've gotten lots of help for them--it's just none of it has been effective, and the struggle continues lol pushing away everyone I love. I know that I am worth a lot more than how men or crappy friends have treated me and yet, it's very tough having no one I can truly talk to when I'm at my rock bottom.
I had a psychiatrist appointment today and was diagnosed with bipolar, though she didn't mention a type. I've been diagnosed with it before, but my one of my more recent psychs said it was a wrong diagnosis and that I just have PTSD, so I'm a bit tired of being on the diagnosis carousel lol. I was prescribed meds I've taken in the past, but it feels like almost nothing gets through the constant anxiety that is just always beating me up. I don't miss my ex or want him back, but it's hard not to feel like a severely broken human when I lose both him and my best friend on the same day.
I just want to feel better, and I know the first step is becoming comfortable with relying on myself and only myself. Any advice, support, or kind words you could spare would mean a lot to me.
Something similar happened to me last year. A 6 year relationship ended and so did a 10 year friendship. It gets better, I promise. Keep your head up. Stay strong and do what you can. Stick to your therapy. It’s just really riding through the difficult times. 💛
Three things that have worked for me when I've been barely able to get out of bed...
Get up every day, make sure you move. As in take a walk, exercise, do yoga. Try to get outside - a park or just a walk thru an outdoor mall. Even if it seems least effort or won't be effective or too little.
Eat well - do not binge or drink/smoke to excess. Bad eating fogs the brain.
Do not hook up with some random scrote just to be with someone. Visit a coffee shop and read a book to be around people.
Promise yourself that you'll do what it takes to heal yourself even if it takes years.
You are worth it, you are good and true.
Keep trying with the therapist hun until you find the right one for you. I could tell straight away when I finally interviewed the one that was going to help me drag myself out of my CPTSD pit. It can seem so overwhelming that you don’t even know where to start on bettering yourself but the right one will start you really slow and help you start to feel the compassion towards yourself that you really need before you can make any improvements. I’ve tried a LOT of different modalities and found that Internal Family Systems has been the best for addressing my trauma and it’s effects but there is a right fit out there for everybody. I still struggle with a lot of things including the aloneness etc so I really feel ya on that but when I look back on where I started holy moly and at least I’m not doing it dragging the scrote along too, that’s one of the biggest achievements in my recovery!
I’m sorry a scrote wasted five years of your life and that your friendship of 20 years ended. I hope your friend comes around to her senses, even if the bridge between you two is completely burned, that she upgrades to the FDS philosophy. If your Rx isn’t working anymore, ask if the dosage can be upped OR, if you need a different temporary Rx, see if you can get that. Moving forward, should you choose to date again, you now have more experience of what you don’t like so, getting rid of useless people for your life will be easier; that’s a positive. Also, for the future, remember, if you’re not engaged within a year and a half at most, and married at two years, it’s because he’s not planning forever with you. Dicks are abundant and of low value. Can you get another therapist? One whom you can mesh with? It sounds like you haven’t found the right one, but you deserve a great therapist who just clicks.
Sorry to hear what you’re going through sis. I’ve been there before. I was struggling with coping as an adult with the aftermath of a traumatic childhood. What changed for me was that one day I woke up and said to myself “surely there is more to life than being this miserable all the time”. I say this with compassion in my heart but ultimately it’s about putting in the work between sessions that results in actual change. All the labels in the world won’t make you take ownership of your issues, only you can do that. Mental health pathologisation is a dangerous path, slapping labels on us (especially traumatised women), telling us we’re disordered for having a normal response to a horrible experience is not conducive to productively learning how to manage ourselves after trauma. I urge you to take ownership of your life choices, invest in yourself. Your hobbies, interests, studies, career, relationships that matter with friends and family, invest in what makes you YOU. I cannot stress how much joy this fills one’s life. How enriching our existence becomes when we invest our time in what matters to us. Acceptance and commitment therapy helped me the most. I learned how to accept what happened to me and how to live my life around that. Granted it was difficult, and some days are less productive than others, but the only person who can change our outlook is ourselves. And finally, the hardest part to say, and again I say this with nothing but love. Sometimes when we’re at low points, we are dreadful company. I too was upset with a friend that supposedly abandoned me, but I realised she poured everything into supporting me and I was doing little to take ownership of my issues. She became exhausted and slow faded me when I refused to hold myself accountable. People get compassion fatigue, it’s normal. This turned out to be a lengthy response, but I really hope you can get something out of it for your own healing journey.