No, I haven't 'found anyone' I found myself.

My 20s have been turbulent and thankfully I'm getting through them now. People seem to think that I'm expired milk though because I'm not "settled down" with a man and kids at this still young age. People, especially at work, ask me if I'm single and if I've found anyone.

I sometimes will say that I haven't been looking because quite frankly there's nothing to look at. We all know how males are these days- they literally stink. I barely see any males that I find physically attractive when I'm out and about, and that's especially concerning as I work and go out in a big city where I see a lot of people.

I instead started responding to the old "you haven't found anyone?" with a simple, "yes, I've found myself."

It takes them aback but it's the truth, a truth that so many people don't get to discover or even bother to look for.

A lot of us have had more than our fair share of challenges, struggles, and trauma. I spent my early 20s feeling lost, broken, and sad. It wasn't just a bad breakup, it was coming to terms with the fact that my biological father was abusive, it was coming to terms with my own depression, it was coming to terms with the reality of tending to be codependent in relationships. It was raising my sister when my narcissistic mother would go out drinking. It was me working my ass off studying and at my job to give myself a better chance of making it out of my toxic hometown and away from the stress and pressure of a dysfunctional family.

So I left. I left and I finally didn't have to see my abusive father or deal with my narcissistic mothers mood swings. I started my life over, and enjoyed the peace and quiet of my newfound freedom. That's when I could finally focus on myself instead of getting by in a stressful family environment. That's when I finally started to really know myself. And things overall started to get so much better.

It's especially important for us women, especially the ones who have been through it, to find themselves before looking for a man. Too many pickmes give 110% to a scrote who doesn't even deserve 15%.

Healing and finding yourself is a huge accomplishment. It's also okay to tell the busy bodies asking that you're not interested in dating, or that you've been just focusing on yourself. Dating isn't worth my time and energy, and I'll turn down advances often. There's a lot of posts that say things like "your career won't tell you it doesn't love you or leave you like a man will".

I'm so sick of men and pickmes with their "you haven't found anyone yet?" It's such a bunch of bs .... It's disgusting that they're more interested in the fact we are single rather than promotions, travel, hobbies, etc.