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So my parents have a good relationship with each other. They are still in love after 25 years of marriage. I also have a fairly good relationship with them for the most part, only ocassionally we get into arguments about stuff. They recently told me I'm going to die alone, and what really hurt was that they didn't just mean I would die single but also friendless because they said my standards for friendship are too high even though all I expect is people to text me first and initiate hangouts sometimes instead of me having to do it all the time. My parents said that I could always go to them to talk about my mental health, but they made it so much worse with what they said. I was complaining about feeling lonely and they said it's all my fault. I also recently cut off a bunch of friends because I felt like they didn't appreciate me and my parents said I should apologize to them and go back to being their friend.
They also tell me my standards for relationships are unrealistic. One time I told me mom that if I had a boyfriend I would want him to buy flowers for me and get new ones every time they wilted and she just laughed and said no one is going to do that for me even though I thought that what I said was perfectly reasonable and the bare minimum someone should be doing for me. Also I had a brief situationship with a girl and of course I wanted it to be more than just a situationship but she wasn't really that interested in me, and when I broke things off with her my parents said that I am always going to see people as uninterested because I get overly invested in people to an unhealthy degree, so everyone is going to seem uncomitted to me because I am always more comitted.
I said I want friends and lovers who would die for me and they said that's unrealistic, but I don't think it's unrealistic because I'm willing to die for people and I just want to feel important to people. If I don't feel important to someone, why is it wrong for me to cut them off?
I'm an only child and I don't have any family in the country where I live other than my parents, who are immigrants. They keep telling me I'm going to be all alone when they die and keep telling me to continue talking to people who don't meet my standards and it just sucks so much I don't know what to do. I keep saying things to myself like "I'm happy alone" and "I'd rather be alone than with people who don't treat me well" but to be honest I'm not really that happy becauase I burst out crying uncontrollably in public and I have suicidal thoughts frequently.
If you are scared of being alone, then try to imagine what would be like to live with a pornsick scrote who nurtured depraved fantasies ever since his early teens. And on top of that, with the influence of Andrew Tate and other red pill personalities, you'll have to worry about violence and abuse.
So it's a pick your poison situation.
tell them they are the ones who will die alone if they keep treating their only child so poorly.
There's nothing wrong with having standards. However it may be some time before you meet someone who meets those standards. You don't want to put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. If I were you, I'd focus on making friends and indulging in hobbies and pastimes that make you happy. If you're having suicidal thoughts, you should probably talk to a doctor or a therapist. They might recommend counselling or antidepressants or something that might help you.
Everyone dies alone unless you all die together in a freak accident. Fun! 😊
It’s definitely not unreasonable to expect flowers and also expect them to be replaced when they wilt. There are people who keep real flower arrangements as decoration in their house all the time. A HVM would start a garden for you since you love flowers so much, and make sure to be thoughtful of you. Tbh your mom sounds like a pick me and is doing you a disservice. Never compromise your dating standards for anyone.
As far as friends: it’s okay to not be best friends with everyone. Keep some acquaintances around who you know don’t meet all your standards for a BFF if you’re lonely. Work on getting active in your community in some way you like. For example, if you like animals maybe volunteer at a shelter. You can probably meet some likeminded female friends. Just don’t rely on them too heavily or be too vulnerable until you meet a friend that checks all your boxes. Also I’d recommend therapy and/or a psychiatrist for any suicidal thoughts or ideation.
This makes me really sad. Good parents do not talk to their children like that.
It might be a good idea for you to see a psychologist. Do it in secret. Don't tell them. You are isolated with your parents and it's harming you greatly.
People who settle for less are resentful towards people who don't. I would stop sharing this stuff with your parents. Parents should want the best of the best for their children.
Your emotions and standards are valid. As women, we are made to feel as if we are being pushy and demanding for establishing boundaries and standards for ourselves.
Please never settle for anything less than what you deserve out of life. If people are making you feel small or belittling you, then you have to cut them out of your life to preserve your mental health and surround yourself with kind, loving and supportive people.
I know it doesn't seem easy now but please know that there are people out there that will accept and respect for who you are.
Sounds like they're miserable because they settled and their bitterness makes them want to drag their only child in the mud with them.
Crabs is a bucket mentality. People that are genuinely happy and successful don't act like this.
I do hear the question " Do you want to stay alone?" a year ago by some nosy baby mama who has several children from different fathers and none of them are in the children's life. Because I have no man she has the nerve to ask this.
So I say "By looking at your current life I bet you wished you stayed alone."
I always talk back and hit people where it hurts them if they feel like they can disrespect me like this. Nobody wants to stay alone, everyone wants to find the one who enrich their life. But unless you don't mind a scrote you need to look better and that can take a while. I'm still weeding out scrotes because when I greeted a person at the airport she came with her mother in law and she's with a hvm for 23 years, he's a manly man who buys everythign for her and makes sure she's well taken care of.
She said as advise that trust and respect is more important than love, and i rather listen to than allow myself to feel guilty about some loser who couldn't keep a single man she bred with.
Tina turners husband gave his kidney to her risking his own life to save her in a way.
And when cops harassed the wrong couple the man jumped infront of her because he thought the cop was going to pull a gun and shoot her.
So it does exist, but not with scrotes and men who want you to do things for them and replace you with a gold digger.
The thing about spouses is that one of them has to die first, and it's usually the man. Even married women die alone.
As for children, look at all the children Elizabeth II of England had, and yet only two of them were there when she died (and one of them just because he wanted to make sure she was dead so he could grab the throne. The other was a disappointing nonce).
And as for friends, social psychologists have found that even people with a lot of friends only have one or two friends that they are very close to. And that people who only have those one or two close friends are just as happy as the ones who have a bunch of casual friends as well.