Mental health story

So this is the story of what I have been going through these last couple of weeks, inspired by the recent post about wobbling on the Block and Delete rule.

I have this friend who I've known for several years, going way back into my Pickme days. Let's call him G.

Recently we began a D&D group, because I am a massive nerd and more D&D in my life is a Good Thing. Thing is, I didn't have overly much contact with G before this group began since our lives had drifted apart. I spoke to him maybe every few months.

Since beginning the D&D group I had been in contact with G weekly and started picking up on behaviours I find unappealing. He infantilized a couple of the others and seemed to be in an Alpha Male competition with another, which was hilarious because neither of them were anywhere approaching Alpha. But as well as hilarious, it was also incredibly annoying to witness the constant pissing contests, and I shut them down a lot. (Guess that makes me the alpha :D)

When playing, his character was ill-defined. By this I mean it was an extension of him - an avatar. There wasn't any acting in play. So the questionable actions his character took belongs to him, e.g. objectifying a female NPC, being unkind to other characters.

All of these things added up, and I looked back over our friendship with a fresh eye and saw all the things I had ignored because they were singular events.

I usually brought up these comments and actions I found uncomfortable, and the excuse was always "I try to make people laugh" or "I was just trying to be nice." Sure thing G. It's nice to take agency away from others, and it's funny to be mean.

So just over 2 weeks ago I blocked him. It wasn't a thinking choice, it was me finally snapping and not wanting to continue the same pattern as always. I knew in the future these incidents would continue to happen.

My dilemma then was whether or not to explain to G why I needed to back off, and what to say to the D&D group. We'd been friends for years, surely something was fair?

But no. I message the DM and said that I'm choosing to step away because my values don't align, (ie I have them). G I have left hanging, because you know what? I did communicate. I communicated every time over the months that I had a conversation with him. I communicated with every disgusted look and removal of attention. He chose to not listen.

So I chose that block and delete was appropriate because it preserved my peace. And I'm the important one here. It doesn't matter if it's fair or unfair, I made a choice and I'm looking out for myself. And in the days since then I've been so happy because I know I've got my back. I'm making choices for me.