It's hard to have high standards

Agreed. Once you raise your standards, the crowd thins.

Raising my standards (for both dating and friendship) has, I'm sure, protected me from a lot of toxicity and physical danger. It has also made me isolated and lonely. There just aren't enough HVW or HVM to go around. Being single and intolerant of LV behavior can, as you stated, feel like a matter of survival when you're hounded by society to lower your standards constantly.

Everytime I lowered my standards and gave a man a chance I wasn't alll that into or had issues, all I got in return was trauma and abuse on so many levels each and every time.

It's pressure to keep us oppressed and tied to lvm. There is so much in power in choosing to remain single and only allow the best of the best to have access to us.

I agree with everything and have also been single for the last 4-5 years due to leveling up and going to trauma therapy and I am currently 33 and three of my friends are trying to get pregnant. I am selfchoosen childfree.

We have a saying in danish it roughly translate to "it is cold on the top" which means, being at the top of something (having high standards/being the CEO or something that is above most people) is often lonely. The geist is maybe similar to "the higher the vibe, the smaller the tribe".

But I want to add something, it is harder to settle. So choose your battle.

Being lonely from time to time and longing for a partner (which is normal, I do that) is hard, but having to soft parent a man child and using a lot of energy to sustain the relationsship will drain you even more. The time you spend being single, will often be spent on leveling up/building a meaningfull life as a single, but time with a man will be spent pouring into that with little return in the investment. So moneywise (time is money) the investment in the short term may be feeling less lonely, more socially accepted but in the long run you will feel lonely in the relationsship and you will have to dime your own light because your mans ego can't handle your shine.

Love to all the single ladies doing the work, breaking generational trauma from patriarchy and doing the long term investment! It is worth it.

I also remind myself, would I be happy with any of the men it hasn't worked out with ? Truth is no, I would sincerely be miserable.

Like if I had to compare between occasional feelings of loneliness, social pressure while being single and having the wrong man by my side... I'd be single forever. I have an older friend who was married for 10 years and who told me about her ex when she was 21. He saw her having her period for the first time and shamed her about it so much that she had to develop a condition and ended up at the hospital due to stress. She didn't know she was so young and lacked experience. I mean... imagine the trauma and the years spent to recover from that and more. Only because of a random man who hates women so much and cannot bear the idea that we are human that he had to bully her for something natural..

I understand your feelings and share them. I hope you will meet a great man soon !

High standards should be easy if you think about it. Reject, reject, reject. Treat me like a Queen or fuck off.

Being single is fucking great!

I think this is why FDS can be a hard pill to swallow for many women. It doesn't reinforce all the fairy tales and fantasies we are told since girlhood. It requires great strength from us because we have to make the decision that we either get the love we deserve or we stay on our own. There can be no settling and no in-between. That no-man's-land will only bring us further pain. Every time I have settled for those crumbs out of desperation I have only increased my pain.

I think maybe we need to talk more about how to bear the loneliness that can come with this path. Some of us do not live in cities, do not have a huge support system, do not have a great family. Some of us are disabled, isolated, traumatized, with little access to resources.

Some of us were holding on to the fantasy of romantic love, and it's so hard to let it go. It was our last hope in a world that forgot us and discarded us. We wanted to believe a man would finally love us. There's a grieving process, and then reality sinks in. We are alone. We will most likely stay alone.

We need to work on building community, creating alternative spaces, and nurturing other kinds of love and connection. We need to figure out ways to care for ourselves in this loneliness because it is not easy at all.

"4) guys who orbit around my circle, too cowardly to make his move and made really awkward advances that make me wonder if he really likes me or not."

this one honestly drives me mad, I cant make sense of it

it does push you to some extent to at least give them clear signs of encouragement just to end the ambiguity, which usually doesnt work either and you are left even more frustrated and just move on.

a pure lose-lose situation that just doesnt make any rational sense

This is a concern for me too. Over the years I came to realize that I rather enjoy flying solo, but it can be really hard to deal with lack of physical intimacy. There aren't many channels for single people without kids to get affection and touch, and if I go too long without it messes with my brain chemistry.

Recently, after three and a half years of celibacy, my hormones went haywire and I was so horny that I could hardly focus. Masturbation was not cutting it, so I reluctantly lowered my standards and put myself back on the dating market (This was pre-FDS). OLD was far worse than I previously experienced. I eventually found a tolerable enough scrote to relieve the pressure, but the whole ordeal of wading through a sea of porn-addicted scrotes put me off men so much that I expect it bought me another few years of easy celibacy (and it spurred me to find FDS). I just don't know what I will do if and when my hormones start raging again...

I find it hard too, I decided to be simple and just tell dudes from the start im not doing anything for them so they need to be able to operate and fuction like an adult, cook their own meals clean their own house im not doing that and they are not staying at mine, if they end up homeless or jobless don't call me anymore because I didn't sign up for it. I am not your shelter or ATM I'm not your resource for you to use so you better be financial comfortable because I'm not helping you with anything.

I am not there for Men I am there for myself, they can have me but I'm not doing a single thing for them. That weeds out all the trash without talking about your preference. Not wanting too do anything for them with the expectation that they must do everything themselves can't be used as a road map to manipulate you.

Lies and disrespect is the ultimate deal breaker. So I only have 3 standards.

Tell no lies,

Don't direspect.

And prepare to do your shit alone and solve your own problems.

I hear the loneliness and self-doubt in this thread, and it is heartbreaking 💔I've been there, and I'm sorry.

I'd like to offer a little perspective from the other side: I am 51, divorced, with 3 mostly grown kiddos. I followed the pick-me path and let me tell you, it SUCKED. It still affects my life because my ex (father of my kids) continues to try and make my life miserable. Not to mention all the relationship trauma through the years from other liars, cheaters, abusers & users.

I have been deeply lonely in relationships with men. So please believe me when I tell you that a LVM partner will not resolve your loneliness and self-doubt. In fact, their abuse, selfishness and entitlement will drain the life out of you - and you'll STILL be lonely. Because no matter how much you perform for a LVM, he'll treat you like garbage.

Ok so here are the bright spots:

1. I am really grateful I had kids. In my darkest years, I had to keep living in order to care for them, and I worked hard and levelled up educationally and career wise to provide for them. And now, they make great travel buddies and true-friend companions. I still offer guidance and support (two are still pretty immature), but the burden has turned into a gift. I guess it's a small reward for 2 decades of single mom struggle? Anyway, no LVM ever pays off like that. I'm not suggesting that women here should have kids - it's a very personal choice and involves serious sacrifice (!). But, if you want kids, you can have them without a man, and THRIVE. Wish I'd gone that route.

2. As an older woman, and after lots of therapy and hard work on myself, I am no longer lonely at all. I LOVE being alone. I also have very little self-doubt because after decades of society's brainwashing I finally listen to my OWN voice. It's a huge relief! I'm not a vocal "no bullshit" person, but I have carefully cultivated a peaceful life and I'm cautious about letting anyone in who might mess with it. It feels really good to have deep confidence in my choices, big and small. You can do this now! Please don't wait to be picky about your activities, friends and lifestyle til you're 51

3. I think hormones play a big role in our lives and attitudes. As women age, we have less estrogen. Estrogen is the hormone that makes us collaborative and empathetic. It also makes us long deeply for connection, and we can undermine our own safety and well-being to get that connection. Now that my ovaries are dead (quote from my Dr - haha), I take a balanced dose of hormones that include less estrogen than I probably had when I was a pick-me. This means I care less about people-pleasing, and more about my own peace and happiness. It's awesome! I'm not suggesting anyone here take hormones on a whim - just please know that some of the loneliness is because of your ovaries, and it WILL get better I promise. 😉

4. As I move through the world, I like to imagine that I am a great Queen. I imagine the fabulous robes, scepter, throne, wealth, and deep assurance of my value and stature. As a Queen, I have a very small, trusted circle of advisors. When any person approaches my throne, I am keenly aware of whether they are showing me the deference I deserve, as a Queen. And I ask myself what they are seeking - because anyone who approaches royalty has an agenda of some kind. So, when a man approaches me, if he speaks with deference and respect, I will entertain an audience with him for as long as it pleases me - and as long as he behaves properly. However, if he touches me unbidden, stares at me, makes a lewd or forward comment, or goddess-forbid demands ANY of my attention or effort - he is clearly a worthless peasant, and is ejected from the Throne Room. I'm not sure if this analogy will help anyone else, but it helps me. And FWIW I still get hit on daily even at 51 - by serfs lol. There is no Wall 😂

Only a man who carries himself with dignity, has always understood the value of a Queen, and knows that he must live to please and impress her, can ever be admitted into our sacred halls.

You are a Queen! Never forget it. And while it can be lonely at the top as OP said - it can also be quiet, luxurious and peaceful. Never EVER let a peasant in - they will burn down everything you've so carefully built. And you'll be left sitting in ashes, and you'll have to rebuild, alone.

I know it's hard. But please don't do what I did.

Most men are LV. I wonder how many women who claim to be in a happy relationship are truly happy. Plenty of women are pick mes and will pretend their SOs love them a lot when that is not the case.

The thing is the top 20% of men (including HVM) have virtually unlimited dating options, and women don't demand commitment or effort from them (even while sleeping with them) - it makes sense why they wouldn't commit, even to HVW. There's also no social pressure to prevent men from sleeping around with many women for many years, which hasn't really been acceptable in most societies/cultures historically. They don't have the biological pressure like a woman does to settle down, and honestly if you have so many options and access to easy sex, it unfortunately makes sense why they don't.

Are you me ? 🥹🥹🥹