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I'm fed up with men. I'm tired of being used and abused. I often still long to feel close and loved by a man but I'm aware it's extremely unlikely I'll ever find a guy that loves me as much as Iove them. I don't see the point of being with a man if I can't safely be close or vulnerable with him.
I won't feel emotionally satisfied with a man that makes me feel like I constantly have to vet to make sure he doesn't stab me in the back.
I like the idea of imagining myself being in love with a fictional male. I don't have to worry about being taken advantage of or abused. I don't feel as lonely. I like the fact that I'm in control of what happens in my head, my mind is safe. Sometimes I feel inspired and he makes me feel like writing about him and drawing him. He encourages me to follow my aspirations and comforts me when I'm sad. I love his hugs.
I don't do anything that can be considered pornsick behavior. It's all romance and adventure scenarios. I don't watch porn. This isn't about sex. I just do this to feel less lonely.
Sometimes I feel sad because the man in my head doesn't exist. No one is like him. He is in my imagination, he is fiction. I feel like I daydream really excessively and lately it's been taking up so much of my headspace.
I don't think I should be dating either though, its too risky. It's not that I can't find a man. I can easily have a relationship right now if I wanted to, but I just don't feel like it's worth the stress. I feel like its a very high risk situation with a low chance of reward.
Why should I allow a potential lvm into my life just so he can rip apart all the life progress I made? As much as I long for love I'd still rather feel lonely than be abused.
Turn your fantasy man a bit more tangible by writing a list of everything you want in a man, include delulu high standards and wishes too! it's helped me and its a great manifestation tool and reminder that you won't settle for less
I don’t think it’s a problem unless you really start to lose a grip on reality and start developing (genuinely) unrealistic expectations for real men. No one is ever going to be as good as the ideal you create for yourself, but as long as you understand that I think it’s fine, and probably a lot more common than you realize.
We all have a need for some form of intimacy. Using this as a sort of coping mechanism is much healthier than settling for a LVM or doing what lonely men do and delving into OF and porn addiction. The fantasy man in your head is 100% free! 😂
When I get bored and unsatisfied with my life, I daydream and pretend to be someone with a more exciting life. People are embarrassed to admit to these things, but I think most people do it in some form or another. It just can’t be in excess to the point where you abandon your real life — like people who live vicariously through video games and let it completely take control, etc.
Kind of. But falling in love with a real life misogynist is worse.
There's nothing wrong with day dreaming about the perfect guy! I do it sometimes too.
unless it's distracting you from things you have to do or it becomes an unhealthy obsession, I don't see the problem.
Maybe you can channel all this energy and imagination into writing short stories or a self published novel. Something like that.
No, fictional men most of the time treat their main female protagonist with decency and romance, whats not to like! Just be wary of loveboming, men are well aware of the female fantasy and how to smother women with romance and affection. If you like romance in fiction then you probably like it in real life, which can make you vulnerable to that. Fictional men are great, just keep your feet on the ground when dealing with real men - use it to raise your standards but beware of manipulators.
I've been doing this too. My latest fictional crush is Lasher from The Witching Hour series. :)
I think you're fine doing this. It's not unhealthy. The characteristics that you have mentioned you fantasize about are actually the bare minimum in a loving and healthy relationship. I sometimes do this as well. But I make sure to seperate it from real life men and acknowledge that most real life men are bad. It keeps my standards really high and I don't settle. I've developed the confidence ignore LVM men trying to get my attention or talk to me partly because of doing this. Last week I immediately hung up on a man who was rude to me. No explanation. He was not a romantic interest but he was a mutual acquaintance organizing an event for group. I didn't care. You can utilise this to keep your standards high. On the odd occasion that I do crave HVM companionship, I read or watch a romance. It does help curb that craving a little.
You mentioned that you sometimes feel like drawing or writing about your fictional ideal man. I just wanted to chime it and say DO IT! A lot of writers and artists (especially women and girls) start out writing about/creating art for the way they wish things were, instead of how they actually are.
You never know--you could develop a real skill for it, and actually publish your work. And in the current quagmire of fictional media that encourages girls to settle for man children and tolerate abuse, we need another female voice saying it's okay to hold out for everything you want.
At this point, go for it lol
I say this because I have one too, and I’m just so tired of being let down. Here’s the thing though, for me it’s different guys for their unique qualities. Even in books, I still can’t find that perfect guy, and still have to fit bits and pieces of it together. Hahaha
Yes and no, If you view yourself as the wife of those fictional characters/ You become jealous of the female character he's in a relationship with, You berate the woman in canon pairings of tv shows/movies/anime or you don't want any other man but him, You write fanfiction where you self insert yourself into the story then yes it's very toxic and unhealthy.
But If you have a little crush or admirations for a fictional character because men in real life are disappointing or you feel a little drawn to that character because that's the person you would marry and he's nothing like the men in the real world then No.
Because in a world where men are usually ill mannered Ogre's and the minority who aren't are married or spoken for then It's understandable that your crush could be Marvel's Peter Parker or Thor for example.
Growing up with a scrote father made me adore cool and doting dads in the fictional world a lot because I wished I had a dad like that. That is normal because you are missing something that should be there.
Edit : Oops I thought you mean fictional characters that are created by other authors, If it's your own original character then no, it's not weird at all, I always dream of a better world than this, You can compare it to tir na nog where people are nicer to eachother. Ppl do get old there but they don't crumble or succumb to old age but remain strong and the only sign of them being alive long is their gray hair. I want to be good at Illustrator one day so that I can make digital art and who knows? Maybe I can publish my own fantasy novel.
ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGIST WITH A FOILHAT HERE: Could this be a parasocial relationship even if it's a fictional character? It could very well be. Is this character a real life human actor? An AI like Replika? What are you willing to do to 'keep' the relationship exciting? On one hand I see the comfort. On the other hand the person you're creating - or if he's a human in the entertainment biz - could create unrealistic expectations in your mind? Or, you can go wild and be as delusional as the f*ck you wanna be!! I guess those are some things to consider.
I completely understand you. I think it is overall a good thing to do, as long as you don't spend too much time in your head. I think it can teach us not to accept a relationship with some guy just because it's a relationship but instead seek out someone who makes us feel like the imaginary guy and it can help us love ourselves more, I know we should not base our worth on a man's (even if fictional) opinion but sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think about how he would tell me I look absolutely gorgeous.
Just be careful that you don't spend too much time in your head because of that. It happens to me sometimes - I feel bored or lonely and I stop doing everything else and just lay and imagine being with him or I waste so much time drawing him, I say waste because I never feel satisfied with my drawing so I never finish it, there is no point in that - if you catch yourself procrastinating just to live in your head I think it is a sign of depression.
Oh yeah totally, you get the crush high without spending a dime 😎🤘