I'm stuck

I've been in a similar situation in the past. Things are looking a lot better for me these days, so I am happy to tell you some of my story. I tell people that I took a two year gap between high school and college to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Growing up below the poverty level, I didn't know a lot about money or the cost of college. The more I learned, the more college felt out of reach for me. Sure, I qualified for some financial aid based on my lack of income, but I still didn't know how I could afford to attend, and I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of taking out loans, especially when I had no idea of how credit worked, or even an idea of what my eventual career path or salary would even be. So I switched gears, and started looking at joining the military instead so that I could have some upwards class mobility. I don't know why I didn't think about this as a teenager, but I was 100 pounds over the weight requirement to even go that route. My dating life was non-existent. At times that bothered me. I had this dream of one day having a good career and a husband, and it honestly felt like I'd never have any of these things. I felt hopeless, directonless, and lonely. My high school friends had already started college or started families. Meanwhile, I felt as if my life was on hold. At times I was angry, and I wondered if I could ever catch up, and I wondered if I was even cut out for the world we live in. I couldn't change everything, but I started to notice the things I could change. During those two years, I learned everything I could about finances, nutrition, and general self-care. I lost my 100 pounds, and ultimately went to a community college that I could afford. I tried a few different part time jobs and I started dating. I still struggled at times during the four years of college, and I still have my lows today. But it did get a lot better. I have changed careers a few times now. I was an undeclared major in college as long as I could be, and then I ultimately decided on teaching. Teaching ended up being bad for my mental health, and I didn't stay long. I switched to working in insurance, and now I work for the federal government. Each career change has been an improvement for me, and I finally feel like I have that part sorted out. These things /are/ hard when you don't have the best social support system, or when you don't have the best foundation. And there's only so much you can control yourself. I get that it's hard to not take it personally when employers won't give you the time of day. You will find an employer that will give you a chance. Keep sending out applications and thinking of ways to improve yourself. You've got this.

For mental confidence, I do recommend listening to the Abraham Hicks snippets on YouTube or even podcast, it's a spiritual seminar type of thing, they really helped me when I was in a low place. Yoga also helps a lot, and not just for your body but for your mind. Try headspace meditations, do the free trial or listen to the free ones on YouTube. Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube is also really helpful. Set app timers on your phone, use focus mode and black and white mode if you can. Android offers all of these options not sure about iPhone. Go outside as much as you possibly can

I know it sounds like you like your boyfriend, but I would even consider dumping him. In the past, guys who I thought were nice and normal were directly contributing to my anxiety and depression. Even if it's just the fact that having sex and cuddling sets off huge amounts of oxytocin hormones in your body, and then you feel withdrawals when you're not with him.. or maybe some sort of subtle manipulation you're not noticing...... Honestly, a lot of my anxiety and depression went away when I dumped my ex and then practiced abstinence from dating and sex for two years. In terms of your resume, make sure you are absolutely grammatically correct and listen to the audio books by Peggy McKee on audible, interview tips and how to Ace your phone interview. Nice girls don't get the corner office is a great book. I used to think that I was too anxious to get a job, when I was like 19 or 20 living with my dad. But work actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and it gave me a lot of confidence and the money I needed when an emergency came up. I did a lot of exposure therapy AKA doing the things that absolutely scared the hell out of me like riding the bus and getting a job. Just take baby steps, you can get there I do believe in you.

I agree with a lot of the ladies here: get a job. Making your own money is paramount to independence and being able to have choices. Also, hit the gym! Working out is a very calming, soothing activity. You don’t have to run or lift weights, you can find what kind of work outs make you feel the best. But getting up and moving for 30-60 minutes a day should help a lot. Also, what is your diet like? Are you eating enough fruits? Veggies? Whole grains? Are you getting your omega 3’s? A Mediterranean diet is a good one to have. Are you getting enough sunlight? Drinking enough water? Sitting next to a window/going outside can help a lot, too. Meditation helps a lot. I’d also say develop some hobbies, what interests you? The cool thing about rock bottom is that you literally have no where else to go but up. And I believe in you, chica. :)

While you're looking for work, you should consider volunteering for a charity and/or taking up a social hobby (gardening/sewing course/some form of DIY course). This would both give you an opportunity to socialise and make friends, give you an extra something to add to your CV and create more structure in your life by giving you something to do/attend on a regular basis in your week.

I think it would be a good idea to find other ways to deal with anxiety other than going to your boyfriend. The way you describe it, its like he’s something you’re addicted too rather than a healthy relationship.

Id get a job first, not necessarily because of money, but because it gives your day structure and chances to interact with people. Second thing I recommend, as dorky as it might sound, is self-help. Right now Im into this free podcast called "This Jungian Life" which is a bit woo but also keeps it real. Its explaining how to explore your real self via dreams/myths. It has really made me explore my feelings and what subconscious thoughts are holding me back. Best of luck!

I want to start by saying that I really feel for you in your situation and I hope things improve. Any chance you could move back in with family to try and get on your feet? Even if you are in a relationship worth keeping… cohabitating, not having friends, and not having a job will be putting you in a difficult situation. I’d recommend trying to stay with family to get back on your feet, getting a job, and focusing on building a network of friends. These things alone will help you feel more independent and in control of your existence. You have so much on your plate, why try to juggle a relationship at this time too?

I went through a really bad depression where I felt like I was just getting through each day and hoping that the next day would be better. What worked for me personally is realizing feelings of depression are caused by low dopamine in your brain. So my advice is make a list of things that increase your dopamine levels. Yes, the obvious things like getting good sleep, exercise, eating right, but also basking in the sunshine, self care, and thinking about what you can do in each moment that would personally bring you joy. Not something someone else could do for you, but something you can do for yourself that doesn’t rely on anybody else. Over time you’ll learn that you do have the ability to make yourself happy and that confidence in yourself will allow you to level up in other areas of your life. It’s ok to start small and right now it sounds like you just need to prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself.

One of the very first things you absolutely MUST do is get a job. You are by definition not free if you are financially dependent on another person. Be that a parent or a partner. Period. I don't know where you live but I'm the US Right now there are decent paying, 100% remote jobs in ABUNDANCE. Find them, and get one . Doing this one thing will do wonders for your self-worth. You will meet people, you will have your OWN $$ to spend how YOU like. You will have something to do so you're not just pathetically waiting around for someone all day. I cannot stress enough how much stress & anxiety can be alleviated by forcing oneself off the couch or out of bed and *doing something.* Just do SOMETHING. Reach out to women's groups in your local area. Look for meetups online: book clubs, whatever. I believe in you.

Hi! I sympathise with you and I'm so sorry you're going through this. How about picking one thing at a time to work on? Smaller, broken down goals may feel more manageable. Listen to some feel good music, there was a thread recently about good female focused podcasts which may help you with starting out. Good luck, sincerely :)