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Buckle up for a long (rambly) read.
TL;DR - I realize my buds don't really give a shit about me, only what I can do for them. Elle Woods montage began.
For years I have volunteered to help manage my building and pretty much my entire circle consists of these people at this point. We've grown close. I plan regular social events and generally bring people together and am the emissary of good vibes. It's pretty much kicking things off, following up and helping.
As time has gone on, I've taken on the lion's share of daily responsibilites by mentoring alongside the retiring president. We've become friendly so we talk. He's 62 for reference and has run the place immaculately. I knew he was tired of carrying the place on his shoulders so I really made an effort to take whatever tasks I could off his plate. So I applied effort and learned. Now I'm his right hand partner and we go above and beyond to do things residents don't even notice. No one else did. They sit on the board and do nothing. There are a few who try but aren't reliable or aren't very bright so they create emotional labour.
Recently I lost my cool on them in email, pretty much excoriating them for things always falling to me at the last minute to do and asking for help. Didn't call out names. How did my 'friends' react?
My building BFF called me trying not to laugh, then once she realized she was included (albeit she thinks she's a bigger part than she is, which isn't true) aggressively DARVO'd me and is now being curt in emails. This is her second time DARVO'ing me. I can't delude myself any longer. She's one of my closest friends by now. She never validates me, yet has said she relies on my validation about issues. This is a huge loss for me, but she's held me at arm's length this whole time. She acts like we're buds, but anytime we hang out it's on her schedule. She dictates everything and never merged me into her regular crew.
One didn't even didn't dignify my email with a reply. The president I serve didn't even reply to my nervous breakdown email. She comes to me for all her emotional dumping too. I always drop everything to connect with her and help. I went out of my way recently to help her with a safety thing by going out to buy it and install it for her. I had to remind her to pay me too. Stunning.
"let me know how I can help; tell me how exactly" platitude that resulted in more emotional labor for me to explain than do myself. He's a dip shit bleeding heart lazy guy who hides behind a chill vibe.
I'm shell shocked at their reactions. I deserve the respect of being heard.
The former president supported my email. He said on the phone, "You're braver than me. I've wanted to write that email for years but never had the courage." Without him this place would collapse, and I know from our mentorship time, that he's angry at how things are being done.
They're freezing me out. But I'm the magic in our building. I plan the parties, I get everyone together, I am the social glue. They often that before me they never got together or did anything. Yeah, cuz no one planned anything. I haven't really lost anything.
But now that I see the truth, I know what an FDS'er needs to do. For 3 days I grieved. Literally burst into tears so many times and even in public places. I'm heartbroken and it's a tough realization to take on board. But a HVW has too much respect for herself to resume being close friends with folks who didn't step up in her time of need. The only time she asked.
My status as a social pariah has propelled me to my Elle Woods era:
I joined a ladies boxing gym this week. I had one session and loved it. Very excited to do more.
I'm taking myself to a silent auction to celebrate women over 40 to network and dress up.
I joined a pottery club—our first meeting is next week
I joined an astrology club, which meets next month.
It sucks to have these relationships detonate, but I'm grateful for the clarity.
I expected a compassionate and supportive reaction.
I know where I stand with them. I can now pour my energy into new relationships and find friends who don't emotionally abuse or ignore me. It really sucks, but I'm glad to know the truth. Upward and onward, FDS-style.
Edit: In a moment of perfect comedic timing, my 'president', the old lady who uses me for emotional support but has zero respect for me, now needs one of her key cards programmed. That's my department 😁😁😁. This woman took 4.5 days to reply to my email (completely ignoring the issue I brought up!!) so I'm going to take 5 days to comply with her request.
Feel this way about my own family unfortunately.