.png)
Those of us who grew up with narc parents know that a key characteristic of narcissism is bad gift giving. Narcs will ask you what you want for Christmas or your Birthday only to give you a) something entirely different, or b) a cheap knockoff that is nowhere near as nice as what you had asked for.
The message is clear: You are not worthy. You deserve less.
Children of narcissists often go on to find narc partners. It’s a natural progression as we’re used to being gaslighted, lovebombed, and made to feel off balance. We’re also an obvious target for narcs as our psyches have been sufficiently beaten down to the point that they can smell our vulnerability from a mile away.
Cloud pajamas. When I was 12 years old I pined for them. I think I saw Kelly Taylor wear them on 90210 or something. I asked my mom for them, but she refused. My parents were millionaires, but they wore their frugality like a badge of honor. My mom had worn the same threadbare, stained nightgown for 3 years- so who was I to ask for something brand new? All of my clothes were old hand-me-downs… often from my brother’s wardrobe. He, of course, got brand new clothes. The golden child. Scapegoats know.
Years later I married The King of Scrotes. Forget being asked what I wanted- he couldn’t be bothered to remember any holiday or special occasion. Like most married women, I was tasked with remembering these things and buying the gifts. Sometimes he would make me a “thoughtful” card- a folded piece of computer paper with some “I couldn’t live without you” sentiment scribbled in permanent marker.
Recently, my mom asked what I wanted for my birthday and for some reason- perhaps to give her one last chance- I said “Mom, I still want those cloud pajamas”. She knew exactly what I was talking about. I sent her the link to the exact ones, and told her my size.
She bought me leopard pajamas. With the most hideous, Flinstoney- print I’ve ever seen. Flannel so cheap that after one wash they had shrunk and come loose at the seams. I laughed my ass off. Some people never change.
So I bought myself cloud pajamas. Because I deserve them.
I can't describe how much happiness it gives me to imagine you, Internet Lady That I've Never Met, enjoying your new cloud pajamas! I LOVE THIS! EDITED TO ADD: I hope they are soooooooooooooo soft, maybe even flannel, and so so so pretty! <3
I think we must have the same mom!
Your first paragraph hit me in the face because that's precisely what my mom used to do. Here's the sweater I want; the sweater I received doesn't fit and is maybe the same colour but a totally different style. Cue the gaslighting and emotional abuse.
One of my love languages is receiving gifts (yet you wouldn't know it lol), and still to this day, it's a minefield for me because of my family. It's a hard message to unlearn.
I'm sooooo thrilled you bought yourself the cloud pjs!!!! Every time you wear them you'll feel amazing and your inner child will feel soothed. Treating ourselves feels scandalous and reckless when we're used to garbage. Congrats to you and I hope you love wearing them every day.
Every thing I ever wanted growing up, I had to buy for myself because there was always SOME reason I couldn't have it like.... it was too expensive, girls your age shouldn't wear black eyeliner, you don't need something that fancy, you're too young for x y z, I didn't have that so I'll be damned if you do, etc etc because between being low working class and having whatever you'd call my overprotective/conservative/religious parents meant my goals always had to be edited (read: diminished) lest god forBID I ever fucking get what I want.
I started young, saving my babysitting money. I always used the sub par/substitution object in lieu of nothing (ie my 512mb mp3 while I saved for my ipod, my "charcoal" eyeliner until I was out alone and could buy black myself, saving for my nintendo ds lite when my parents got me a gameboy advance sp) and then slowly but surely got the item I actually wanted whenever I could. I didn't care whose feelings it hurt! Don't you think it hurts my feelings when people gave me pierced earrings repeatedly as a kid even though my ears weren't pierced??? Fucking listen and do better if you don't want me to discard your gift as soon as I got what I originally wanted.
The cherry on top was always being shit on and told I was "ungrateful" for not being happy with something I didn't ask for or want. Cool so the gift giver's feelings of making me happy are more important than me ever getting joy or use from anything they ever give me, got it.
This post speaks to me on so many levels. My mom always gifted me something that was either on sale, a sub-par quality, or something she wanted for herself (which she then conveniently took), or a combination of all. Up to this day I’m still traumatized when someone gives me (imo) a shitty or unsuitable present and take it way more personally than I probably should.
Good on you for buying the cloudy pajamas. Here’s to many more awesome presents we give to ourselves 🥰🎁👏🏻
This resonates with me so much since my parents were the same way. It took a lot of self awareness and hard lessons learned from toxic relationships in adulthood to come to the deep revelation that I AM worthy, I AM enough, and that I will not settle for crumbs from those who do not appreciate me. Congratulations on treating your inner child with some nice cloud pajamas 😊 Though I'm sure it still must have been disheartening when your mother again chose to ignore your wishes all these years later. Sometimes there's always a deep-down longing or hope that narcs will change, even if your brain knows it won't happen.
Do you know what causes this behaviour? My
mom did the same (and worse). If I expressed any bad emotions about it she would complain to my much older half-brother and -sister who would then physically and verbally assault me. I had a horrible childhood (scapegoat). My brother morphed into a psychopath over the years and my sister too, although she is medicated to suppress he aggression (differences between male and female I guess?)
I finally recognise that my mother was probably also a psychopath/sociopath but hid it extremely well. She is hiding behind autism tho, since she went to see a therapist and was called out on her shit.
She still proceeds to lie, manipulate, use, and cross boundaries etc on a daily and I have no clue what actually causes this. Are these symptoms of autism? I also have no idea why I am not this way if all of them are. Maybe being a scapegoat formed me in a different way (narc magnet!).
I feel like that maybe the diagnosis shouldn’t matter. I should let her go. But it’s very difficult also bc she is exploits my loyalty towards her.
I know buying the cloud pajama is a necessary step towards self love, but it’s also a heartbreaking story. This isn’t just a partner, this is your mother, and it cuts extremely deep. The trauma bonding happens at a young age.
My heart goes out to everyone with abusive parents.
May you be in position to treat yourself to your heart’s desires for the rest of your life.
I can picture those cloud pajamas, and I'm so glad you have them now. Well done, sister. I can also picture EXACTLY those birthday cards that are actually just folded over computer paper, because in my past I received them too.
Can you cut your parents off yet? My life and happiness leveled up to a ridiculous degree the moment I went no contact with my cluster b & enabler parents. Hugs to you.
If you mentioned in the post that she didn’t buy them and you didn’t get them, I would’ve bought them for you. For real!!! Enjoy the cloud pajamas queen and you may always buy whatever your heart desires 👸🏼
Good for you, girl 💕 enjoy those PJ’s ☺️
‘The King of Scrotes’ 💀💀💀💀💀💀
I‘m curious about these cloud pajamas. Are they pajamas with clouds printed on them? Or a specific type of fabric that’s soft like a cloud?
This story is so sweet. Please link the pajamas you bought 🙏
Can someone link some cloud pajamas here? I don’t even know what they are but k want them now lol
You deserve this! Making your inner child happy can be so, so healing.
I recently bought a board game I desperately wanted when I was in kindergarden (they had it there and it had those beautifully carved wooden pieces, it was probably really expensive). I had completely forgotten about it until I saw it in great condition at a flea market and couldn't resist. Maybe I'll play it when my godchildren come to visit. Or maybe I'll just look at it😎.
Good for you!
Are you talking about cloud nine pajamas?