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When I met my current boyfriend, I completely applied FDS on him and it was the healthiest relationship I had ever been in. He pays for absolutely everything and was making the time and effort to be with me.
I suffer from anxiety and depression and I had a whole bunch of things happen to me within a span of about 3 weeks: a miscarriage (which I’m still very depressed about,) my grandpa passed away, I had to quickly find a new place to live, start a new job, starting grad school and dealing with the fact that I am very unhappy with my career. All of these circumstances sent me down a spiral of anxiety and depression, which is affecting every aspect of my life, including my relationship. I would pick arguments with him, and as my anxiety grew, so did my insecurities. When we met, I felt on top of the world, I was so confident and now, I don’t feel the same way.
My bf has caught on to how I’m feeling and I must admit that even though I’m honest about my mental health hurdles I can’t help to think that he must think that I’m crazy. I am going to therapy to seek help since I get bouts of anxiety here and there and I know when I need someone to talk to.
My question is, how do you keep up with FDS in a relationship when you suffer from anxiety and depression? It’s so hard some days when you don’t feel 100% yourself.
I also have anxiety and depression. Those issues are parts of me. I wouldn’t say “I’m not feeling 100% myself”, because I am 100% myself. I might not be 100% my “best” self or my 100% kind-and-in-control-self, but my anxiety and depression are 100% part of who I am. I need a man who can weather the storm. I am wonderful when I’m feeling wonderful. And I need help when I am struggling. I’ve been with guys who HATE my anxiety and depression and made me feel ashamed of it, like I had to hide it when I was feeling that way. They love ONLY the part of me that is happy and sexy and fun. I’ve been with guys who show incredible empathy when I’m going through it. Usually they also suffered from one or both of those issues themselves. When they were going through it, I saw the signs. I could help them during those times too because I know what it’s like. Despite your struggles, you are still an FDS woman. If you are worried you’re slipping in FDS values or something while you’re anxious or depressed, don’t worry—those times don’t last forever, and once you’re feeling better you’ll feel mentally clearer too. You can always dump a scrote. If your boyfriend thinks you’re crazy, he’s not it. FDS is not about putting on a show, it’s about finding a suitable partner. Let him take care of you, as you would do for him. Sending you good vibes through these difficult times ❤️
You’re going through exceptional circumstances. The only other option I can suggest is antidepressants and shrooms. Remember - if your bf was going through this, you would stick by him.
A good partner loves all of you. Even my ex, who was painfully unsupportive in other ways, learned how to comfort me and help me through my rough patches. I wouldn't worry about not being "happy" enough for my partner, because life isn't just all rainbows and sunshine. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks of varying intensity since the age of 13, so I know what it's like. In my current relationship, I'm actually trying to manage it by myself as best as I can, because I felt I had become too dependent on others over the past years. But my boyfriend has seen other "ugly" parts of me, a version of me that was lethargic for days on end, cried for hours, raged at the world for being so unfair, felt like a victim, etc. It goes without saying that he supported me emotionally through all of it and never held it against me. Sure, we all have the sole responsibility for our own issues, and we can't expect others to solve our problems. But we can expect a good partner to be there and hold our hand while we climb out of the messy, dark pit. ETA: ironically, over the course of my life, I actually found the problems I have to be beneficial in the sense that they are a great vetting tool. Someone belittles my issues, makes fun of them, gives unsolicited advice, tells me to suck it up, plays the victim (or, alternatively, plays the hero excessively), thinks I'm crazy or stupid, etc. – they're nexted. Compassion and empathy are an absolute must in any relationship and someone who treats me worse because of mental health problems is just not it.