How do I stop comparing myself to literally everyone?

One way to look at it is that most people are not actually happy despite what they have. I personally know people who are wealthier, have more senior job titles, have more advanced degrees, have traveled more, etc who are very unhappy and lead troubled inner lives.

Another way to look at it is leveling up is not one single path that every woman follows. We each have our own unique path that makes us individuals. And when you deeply value your own self, you value each step of your journey and how it has shaped who you are today. When that happens, you’ve truly leveled up and comparing yourself to others on their own journeys loses its meaning.

One of the biggest lies in life is that it's supposed to be linear. It never is. People retroactively tell a linear story because that's easier to follow, but most people's paths take a couple of detours. Also remember you are a living being who goes through seasons of growth and rest/stagnation. Sometimes we even take a few steps back to change directions. These are all parts of life you generally don't see on social media and the like, and even if you do, it's mostly by people who are already over the hump and are proudly recounting how their struggles made them better. The fact is that pain and struggle is not pretty and you don't have to feel bad about your life not looking great to outsiders at the moment. I feel that social media especially instills a sort of guilt in us when we realize our own lives aren't nearly as marketable and don't make “good content”. Your life is supposed to serve you, not others. Happiness truly does come from within, not from achievements, not from possessions.

Lessen your social media use.

I like to keep these kinds of chart in mind and remember that there are separate charts for everything in my life from each individual work project to decluttering the bathroom cabinet. My garden is looking awesome but imposter syndrome is keeping me stuck regarding a project I want to do but keep procrastinating about. It can be helpful to remember that the areas where you've succeeded were once as flawed as the thing you're struggling with today.

With all of this in mind, remember that we're judging others by what they present and ourselves by the full picture. The version of myself I project to the world (successful business owner who travels and has a fun life) is just part of me. I'm also struggling with my health at the moment and a load of other stuff better shared with my therapist than here.

Something to consider is whether you're working on one thing or all the things. If you're working on your mental health, your physical health, your career, your finances, your home, family, travel and are dating then progress will be slow. If you take a year to do the bare minimum on everything except one area and give that your all, then you'll see a big change in that area. It's an approach I favour and is why I have many of my big successes but I've paid for them with my health (mental and physical).

You are on your own journey. You are not in competition with anyone except yourself. Stop looking at other women as competition. This is patriarchy playing a role in your mind.. males are competitive by nature. Women are egalitarian. Or at least we were before patriarchy. Just strive to be the best you, you can be every day. It doesn't matter where someone is in comparison to you.

I can relate to comparing yourself. I am in my 30s, and I am very behind other people because of trauma I experienced as a teenager. I have struggled for much of my life just to cope and function. My life is nothing like most people's lives my age. I started on a self-love and healing journey around 2021 after an intense bought of limerence. I went through a big awakening and started to make changes in my life, like losing weight, overcoming addictions to food and social media, loving myself and treating myself with compassion, prioritizing my mental health, recognizing my needs, acknowleding that I wanted a different life, that I want and need more, and many other things.

Life is still hard. I am still behind. I am still traumatized and lack resources, support, and care in my real life. I'm not where I want to be, and I've made mistakes and felt more lost this year. I sometimes just want to go back to the version I was years ago. I want to give up because it's so hard to change, to do the things I don't want to do or don't think I can do, to face life without an addiction to numb all the pain, to confront how alone and forgotten I am, to carry everything from the past that I feel like I can't free myself from. All the demons are still inside me. And I compare myself to all the women who are smarter, more accomplished, more attractive, further along in life with friends and confidence and partners and so on.

It's easy to compare ourselves. And, yeah, some people are doing better. Maybe they had opportunities you didn't. Maybe they had more support and help. But you know what? Most people never wake up like the women on this forum. Most people never try to level up or heal or better themselves. We made it to this place and we've found other women who are on a similar path. We're not totally alone in that regard. Comparison will suck you dry. It will take away your joy. It will keep you stagnant. It will lead to terrible self-criticism. Your journey is your own. Try to focus on how far you've come and all the progress you've made.

I was on the way to an early grave a few years ago. I truly believe that. I was not going to make it if I didn't change. Yeah, I'm behind others. I'm still struggling. But I am here. I am awake. I am giving it all I have. And no one has my story. No one has faced the unique circumstances I have faced. And I have things to offer precisely because of what I have endured and survived. Comparison is futile and unproductive. Every woman you see has her story, too, and her own set of obstacles she overcame or is still battling. And you don't know everything going behind the scenes.

Just keep on your path, keep waking up and doing your best and believing in yourself. You deserve the best. You deserve a great life, and you are making it happen. I know you wish you'd started sooner. Me too. I wish I'd started at your age! I'd give anything to have my awakening in my 20s so that I could have gotten on a better career path, been healthier, and had more time. But things unfold in mysterious ways. I'm not sure I was ready for the awakening back then. It happened when it needed to, I suppose. Focus on what you can control. You can't go back. You only have now. Make the most of it.

Meditate more! Where is this insecurity coming from? Boredom? One particular friend who negs you? You can do this.