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I'm at the age now where most of my friends have tried dating or had sex. The only one who hasn't simply isn't interested in those things. I have tried asking some girls and guys out before (I'm bi) but none of them were interested. This is fine. I know it's better to accept being alone than chase someone. I also read comments by FDS members saying never to ask out men. They made good points about why, so I'm not going to do that again. I also know it's better to be alone than with a LVM. But the fact that I've never even held hands with someone, never been on a date or kissed anyone does make me feel bad about myself sometimes and lowers my self-esteem because I feel like I'm ugly and boring.
The reason why I kinda wish I had a gf/bf is because I'm an extremely romantic person. I really want to make someone feel special and give them all my love. But i hate dating apps and casual dating, and I don't like the idea of sex unless it's with someone I love. It just feels like the extreme, passionate, romantic love I'm looking for doesn't exist. People are so cold and nonchalant.
Anyways, I'm not desperate. I'm not going to chase anyone. I don't care any more. But I would like some suggestions on how to cope with being lonely. I give my friends lots of gifts, compliment them a lot and plan fun things with them to fulfill my desire of doing nice things for someone. Sadly, it's not reciprocated as much as I would like but I know my friends are busy so I don't hold it against them.
Also, my love language is physical touch and unfortunately none of my friends like hugging or cuddling. However, I'm lucky that my family does give a lot of hugs. I also have cats who like cuddling. But it's not enough sometimes. Sometimes I drink hot tea or shower in hot water or wrap myself in a warm blanket as a substitute for the warmth of the touch of another person. That might sound pathetic, but that's how it is.
I also need to fulfill my sexual urges through masturbation (sorry if TMI). It would be great if I had a loyal person who would let me do romantic things for them (without taking it for granted), hug them and maybe have sex sometimes (though I don't care if it's a sexless relationship if we still cuddle and hold hands).
I have a huge crush on one of my friends right now, so that may be why I feel worse these days. Hopefully I'll be able to get over it soon. I know my standards are in the gutter because I got all excited when she asked me what my favourite cake flavour was (because I've never had a girl care to ask me something like that). That shouldn't make me happy, but it does. I deserve more. She's not even over her LVM ex yet.
You're 21 and single. This does not a FemCel make.
Instead of focusing on your lack of a partner I would suggest enjoying your life to the fullest wherever possible. Living a joy-filled life, where you do things towards achieving your dreams is awesome. When your energy is genuinely joyful, you attract people and situations that align with you. I always suggest the youtube channel "Science of People" it's useful for social tips that can be handy in any situation, dating or otherwise.
Honestly.. when you realize how much of a general dislike most men have for women, the longing for a (male) partner goes away. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but 21 is so so young. So many sights to see, places to travel, books to read, hobbies to delve into, broadway musicals to experience… you have the world in front of you. Milk it for everything it has to offer!!
Gooorl- I'm 20, about to turn 21 next month and still a virgin- chillax.
Like the other commenter stated, live your life to it's fullest. Your friends seem to have time to go out when you have everything planned out, but all that time goes away when it's their turn to reciprocate. Hmm. I'd suggest expanding your friend group. Join hobby groups, use apps that are about meet ups (group meet up would be better), become more open minded about those who you allow to be friends (without overlooking your standards and boundaries). Travel alone, if you're able to, go out to places alone like the movies, museum, etc and enjoy your time alone with yourself.
Just enjoy your life and fill the void. Remember, you should only date when you're in love yourself and enjoy your own company. Date when you don't need a partner to fill som void, but you'll allow one into your life only when they have proven to add a lot of value to it (being hv) so the girl you're crushing on, who is still invested in a toxic relationship, has gots to go.
I was a virgin through college. At the time, I felt like something was wrong with me, or that I was unattractive. I started dating (OLD) after I graduated, and immediately found that there were tons of men interested in me, and through my 20s found that men wanting to sleep with me were similarly plentiful.
These days I’m happy that I didn’t have sex until post-college, because I have sexual trauma from several relationships in my 20s, and I know that if I’d started having sex earlier, I would have also incurred additional trauma then.
I know it feels lonely to be a single virgin. But please tell yourself that you are safeguarding your lifelong physical, mental, and emotional health by focusing on building your life as a young adult and waiting to find the right person to be intimate with, when you have ruthlessly vetted them and are truly ready.
You need new friends who appreciate you.
I was a virgin till 26 years of age. And almost immediately after that, I've been inactive till now....so 4 years
Not getting active with a partner or even a lack of partner is not really a big deal. Definitely doesn't feel like femcel territory.
Develop hobbies, education and career. Learn how to handle your personal life by learning simple skills around the house. And you're already going to enjoy life.
If you're unhappy with your friends, act the way they do around them or just get busy with all the above so you don't have to act busy. You'll genuinely become busy.
The way I combat it is asking myself how I want a friend to be, what kind of ppl do I like? I will try to mimic their lifestyle and mannerism. I want a friend who has a heart of gold and a nonpickme.
With other words become the very thing you want to attract.
If I were you I'd fill up my time with work and school. It'll take your mind off being horny and you just might meet someone (just don't date men in close proximity. I work at a huge hospital and would never date someone on my unit who I have to run into frequently, but I would consider dating a guy in a different unit who I'm unlikely to run into more than once every few months).
Sex is not the end-all-be-all of life. In fact it's been a huge distraction and a source of misery for many. It's also dangerous a lot of the time (pregnancy, STDs). Virginity is also a social construct. Disregard it as such.
You're only 21. Life your life in the now, as it is, and enjoy experiences and whatnot. You're so young. When I was your age I was obsessed with the idea that I hadn't even had a boyfriend or been kissed, much less had any sex. The older I've gotten the more I simply do not care because I have other things I would rather do and focus on, frankly. Some of this will take time because you'll grow as a person. But you can start working on self-confidence and self-esteem now, and pretty soon it won't be such a source of strife for you. Work on you first, and that other shit won't bother you nearly as much. Plus, the more confidence and self-love you have, the more it will radiate off of you and onto others - and they'll be attracted to you and your energy.
I'm going to suggest something a little unconventional. I know that we collectively as women have decided that we don't get to choose our partners, which is just silly if you think about it. Regardless, let's assume for the sake of argument that that is NOT true. Let's say that you can go out and choose who you want. OK so what type of partner would you choose and where would you find them, and/or where would they be? Whatever your answer is to that question, go to those places and do those things. They will be there